The Only Way is Up!

Six months post transplant and things are already looking up. I celebrated my birthday with family and close friends a couple of days ago (thanks for ALL the wishes!) and ever since then everything seems to fall in place. The Lebanese have finally agreed to agree. I am getting better by the day. Zee is doing well with her treatment. AND David Cook has won American Idol!!! What else can I possibly ask for?

Yes, I am finally home. Yes, I saw the sea, and smelled the gardenas, and felt the warmth of the sun, and tasted the hommos, and heard the bombs! There's no place like home.

Lord knows what He has in store for me next, but meanwhile, I shall live each day to the fullest. I shall be thankful and appreciative of ALL the good things around me. I shall look forward to every sunset and impatiently await every sunrise. I shall hope and pray for a quick and painless recovery for Zee and I shall spend more time with people who mean the world to me.

Goodbye princes and princesses,
Till we meet again (or till I get another inspiring idea to add to this blog!)

love u tons,
mwah,

Hala

STOP...<<... REWIND...<<... PLAY

YAAAAYYYYYYY!!!! I'm going HOME!!!!! YAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!! YAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!

After ten days of having arrived in Beirut, I am actually going home to stay for good, inshallah. I will finally enjoy my couch. I will finally feel the warmth of 'home'. I will finally see my friends and go to the places I miss so much. I hope. I hope I hope. (unless They have more surprises in store for us!)
I am not complaining, though. These past ten days at mom's have been very uplifting, regardless of what was going on outside. We had good 'quality time', good food!, good conversations, good hugs, good care, etc... It's as if I was in "pause" mode, preparing myself for the new ME, the new life, the new challenges.

I will not say much more today. I just want to share with you a prayer I got by email today from a very close friend/relative. (I don't usually pass these on, but this one touched me deeply, so here it is)

GOD WANTS ME TO TELL YOU

Everything that is going wrong in your life today shall be well with you this year. You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year. For the remaining months of this year (2008), all your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance. Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows, and pains because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down.

To that I say, AMEN!!! Ya rabb! Ya rabb! Ya rabb! So, pray with me, to whichever god u believe in, that these words actually do come true for me and Zee and you and ALL your loved ones!

On that note,

Cheers!!!!

H

Home Away From Home!!!

Oui, I am home! I had a lovely, warm welcoming, with huge fireworks and lit streets and some kinda 'magic' in the air! We arrived at the airport in Beirut around 8:00 pm last Wednesday, right in the midst of all the frenzy! Noone was allowed to enter the premises, so some friends had to go to hell and back to get us out of there safely. Hamdillah, about an hour and a half or so later, we arrived to our house. The minute I stepped in, a wave of warmth swept ALL over me! I had forgotten how coulourful and cozy my house was. I immediately felt relief, regardless of what was going on outside. And a lot was going on outside!

The next day was even worse. We only managed to go to the hospital to see Zeena's new doctor, the one who will be taking care of her from now on. We took an appointment for next week, and hopefully she will resume her treatment on Thursday (according to the same British Protocol).

At night, the situation around us became very annoying. The girls were scared of the sounds, and we were worried about what might happen. So, we packed a bag and planned to leave for Broummana; however, we couldn't leave the house. We were surrounded by militiamen who weren't letting anyone go out or into the area.

Yesterday, it was sort of quieter, so mom and dad passed by us and we followed them ALL the way up to Broummana. We are there now. It's frustrating for me, I must say. I still feel that I am a prisoner, although I must be thankful that I am safe and with my whole family. I would have gone crazy had I been stuck in Sutton with no way back to my girls!

And to top it ALL, it's COLD!!!!! Yes, VERY COLD!!!! I was looking forward to the sun and the beach and the t-shirts! Well, I guess that'll have to wait a while. Maalesh, inshallah this thing will be over soon, and I can go back home, to my bed, to my sofa, to my sea and my sun.

Thanks to ALL those who sent emails and messages asking about us in this silly 'war'. Sorry couldn't reply earlier, but had no internet connection in Beirut. Welcome back!!!

later dudes,
Hala

And it lingers...

The SUN, that is. Hamdillah, we finally had a WARM, sunny day today. We took advantage of the weather and went to London probably for the last time this season. So, we took the "last train to London" around 11:00 and headed to High Street Kensington for some shopping. After about an hour, we decided it was too lovely a day to spend like that, so, we headed to Chelsea Farmers' Market for lunch. We sat OUTSIDE, in the sun. Hallelujah! Then, after that we headed to Duke of York Square on The King's Road, a wonderful new space with shops, restaurants, cafes, live music and a food market. It was great to be out and about, mingling with ALL the Londoners, none of whom is actually British! The only downfall to the whole trip were the Lebanese girls we saw at the restaurant. You could spot them from a mile. They ALL look the same, they have puffed up lips and blondish hair, big designer handbags and a snubbish attitude! What a pity that this is how we present to the world!

Anyway, to wrap up a really nice day, we took Zee to Hyde Park to feed the ducks in the lake. However, Zee was very surprised when the ducks didn't eat her 'crisps', hehe. We just lay there, drinking in the warmth, bidding farewell to this wonderful city, and probably this 'lucky' weather!

A week ago, I couldn't wait to get back home. Now, I kinda feel bad that I am. Actually, not bad, but sad. London's been good to me. It has witnessed (and facilitated) my rebirth. Yes, I have TWO birthdays now. Do you think they will give me a British passport??? I don't think so!

London, or Sutton in London, has become my second home. I sure am going to miss it. I'm going to miss the 'bloody' English, and their weird sense of humour, and their excessive politeness, and their technology, and their and their and their... Yalla, baseeta. Thank God I need to come back for check-ups every three months! Isn't it ironic that I only got to enjoy London right before I left it? (Oh, did I mention I'm going home in FOUR days?????) YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!

Here's to more visits to London, free of headaches and worries and bad weather, hopefully.

mwah,

halalujah!!!!!

Here Comes the Sun...

Everybody sing along now, "Here comes the sun, little darling. Here comes the sun, and I say: It's ALLright, ta ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra...
You can tell from my new sunglasses and the smile on MY FACE that the sun has finally arrived in good ol' Sutton! And I'm not just talking about the hot star! I feel much better than I did when I wrote my last blog entry. Actually I want to thank ALL those who commented and emailed and called to support me and give me an extra push. I also want to thank those who called to scold me and shake me into the 'Real Reality', which is that I really have come very far and I thank God (and Potter) everyday for that. I am also very lucky to have family and friends supporting me and Wiss and Zee beside me guiding me through it, even if Zee has the misfortune to experience some hardships along the way. Issokay, we will pull through. We will keep walking side by side, and we will overcome ALL hurdles, God willing.

For those who were wondering, the test results came out today. They were excellent, hamdillah. 100% donor cells. Way to go Fadi!!! Yaaaayyy!!! The doc is very happy with me and has stopped 2 more medications AND has allowed me to go home!!! (Oh and he assured me that I will no longer be fertile, so hurrah for unprotected sex!!! Yaaaayyyy!) (Now, you didn't really need to know that! Sorry, mom, dad!!!)

But that'll have to wait a little bit, cuz after a couple of hours on the phone with Home Office, I finally withdrew my application and asked them to post back my passport cuz that was the only way I could get back home in this century! I lost the fee, toz. I will have to get a visa for my next visit from Beirut, baseeta. Hopefully it'll go well and ALL will be fine. So, fingers crossed, I am hoping to be back in "Ten working days"!!!! (mind you, just to add to my misery, Monday is bank holiday, and thus doesn't count! {that's for those of you who have started calculating dates!!}) Aiming for mid May, people, ceteris paribus. (is that how they spell it?)

On a brighter note, Zee is also feeling much better, habibti. Her counts are better today, and she is hyper hyper! She even ate the eggplant dish I cooked for us for lunch!

Now, before I retire to my highly uncomfortable bed, I just really want to thank those 'fans' or 'groupies' or 'newly-acquired friends' whom I have never met (or haven't seen in ages) and who have been supporting me throughout this journey. Your comments have made a big difference in my fight against this horrible, merciless illness! Thank you. I love you ALL!!!!!!!

nighty night,
mwah
H

Time for A REALITY CHECK!

It's been six months since I arrived in Sutton.
It's been five months since I underwent my bone marrow transplant.
It's been three months since Zeena arrived in Sutton for treatment.
It's been one month since I started reducing the medications.
It's been one hell of a bumpy ride!!!

So far, I still haven't recovered completely. My feet are still swollen and they hurt. My energy levels aren't as high as they used to be. My patience runs out very quickly, and my concentration levels aren't up to their usual norm. I am tired, sick of ALL this. I want to move on, get on with my life. I want to have the energy to care for Zee and be with her and help her, and not feel sick whenever she does, or hate to go to the hospital whenever she needs to go cuz I couldn't stand the smell of it any longer.

As you can probably tell, the last few days have not been very pleasant. First, on Monday, my doc told me there was a test he needed me to repeat just to make sure of something. That, of course, made me worried and had me ask a million questions, one of which was if I might get the cancer back and would have to go through the whole thing again. His answer was 'yes, it is possible, but not in this case now' which made my stomach churn and grind.
REALITY CHECK: I am still sick. I am a sick person. I may relapse any day. I have no control of my life!!!

Then, the next day, Zee was feeling very sick and was vomiting ALL day. She was whining and crying with pain which made me feel helpless and at the same time enraged. We had to take her to hospital and give her some intraveneous meds before she started feeling a bit better. It wasn't until well into Wednesday that her whining stopped and her smile returned.
REALITY CHECK: my five-year old daughter is sick, and she will be for a while, and I dunno if I can walk that way one more time.

Today, after cooking and shopping and the usual bologne, I called Home Office to check on my passport. I had sent it to have my visa extended. I was told that my application was still 'in progress' and that it usually takes 4 to 14 weeks to return the passports!!! You can imagine how I felt since I was planning to leave for Beirut next week! There's nothing I can do really, except stop the application and retrieve the passport at least 'ten working days later' (and of course, lose the money).
REALITY CHECK: I am stuck with no passport and no idea when I can return home and there's nothing I can do about it.

So, you have an idea of how I feel now. Oh, and earlier today, I had lost my credit card, which enraged me cuz I hardly ever lose anything. I usually know exactly where everything is.
REALITY CHECK: shit happens!

Ah, and to top this ALL up, BA told me I couldn't use my tickets to return to Beirut cuz they were void, given that I 'hadn't shown up' on the specified date in February. How the heck was I supposed to show up when I was busy between hospital wards and bottles of medicine?! Plus, noone had told me I had to call if I couldn't show up, and I was told I had bought 'open tickets'. Open tickets my ...
REALITY CHECK: I have to buy three new tickets!

Baseeta, killo mnee7, as long as health is good AND I get my passport soon.
Hamdillah again for ALL. It could have been much worse. I just dunno how much more I can handle. I'm sure, rather hopeful, that my luck will turn around soon and I will get to live a 'normal', boring life, with work worries and routine and kids' nagging and all the lovely stuff that come with it!

A good friend of mine told me that people in my situation come out of it either more religious, or more philosophical or totally insane! I think I fall in the last category here! Or at least I am on my way there.

insanely,
halalouloulaaaaahhhh

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WISSOOOOOO!!!!!

ALL together now, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Wisso, happy birthday to you!!!!" Yeaaaaahhhh, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE.

Yes, it's Wissam's birthday today, and yes, we celebrated it in Sutton! Luckily, we saw some sun today (after a week of freezing cold wind and rain), so we went to the Chinese restaurant round the corner and had a mediocre lunch with a so-so bottle of wine! Then in the afternoon Zee brought in the cake (a store-bought M&S one, thank God for M&S) which she had chosen herself. Dad was 'surprised' and loved his present (the 'I love Sutton' t-shirt!)

Wissam really does love Sutton!!! Well, he loves England as a whole now. We have converted him, the Frenchie!!! He can't imagine going back to chaotic Beirut. He says he wants to apply for assylum!

To be honest, I am quite worried about going back, too. I mean I can't wait for it to happen, hopefully beginning May, but I am kinda nervous, or anxious, about returning to a 'normal' life and ALL the responsibilities that come along with that. Yalla, maalesh, slowly slowly, ALL will be fine, inshallah. Tomorrow I see the doc again, and hopefully I will get a clearer picture of my situation and the date of our return. Will keep u posted (no pun intended, hehe!!!)

Mwah,

Hala

The Loooong & Winding road...

[Just a few minutes ago, while I was uploading these photos, I accidentally pressed the 'publish post' button and the pictures went on the blog without a text. By the time I had realised what had happened, two people had already posted a comment, not quite understanding what those photos meant. Tamara and Cristina, so sorry for this mishap! My bad! (But Tam, I must say, you have some imagination!!!)]

Yes, I feel I am in 'rodage' mode! I have absolutely no idea what that means in English, but it's a sign new cars (or new-engine cars) used to put on their back windshield window (do we call it that???) to tell people to take it easy on them cuz they can't go fast. "Rodage" cars also cannot go up mountain roads, or go long distances without a rest... hehe. Sounds like me, eh??? Alas, cars nowadays don't go through this 'rodage' phase due to (or shall I say thanks to) some technological achievement in the car industry which I know nothing about. I believe people (or cars) sometimes need to take their time. So, I thought I'd pay homage to a childhood 'experience', some extinct six-letter word that takes one from a state to another, from poorly to healthy, from so-so to 'finally normal'. Rodage, I am ALL yours. Take me there. And hurry... hehe!

Cheers,
H

Ever since the doc started reducing my meds, my immunity has been playing up on me. I feel a bit tired and my feet are swollen. I even caught a nasty cold that left me kinda down and angry again. But, issokay, slowly slowly, we'll get there, inshallah. I have to be off all medication before they let me go home again, and this is exactly why. They want to make sure I am strong enough to continue on my own. So, hopefully I'll get stronger and break out of this cell early next month.

Relaxxxxxxxxxxx!!!!

This is what we do while waiting for the doctor!!!

TV GALORE!!!

Who Wants To Be an American Idol, Friends??? So You Think You are Smarter Than A 10-Year Old??? Go on, take the Challenge, or is it too much of a Distraction??? That 70's Show you always talk about is way Becker than any Two and a Half men!

Yes, folks, I've been watching way too much TV! Dunno if that's good or bad anymore, since it's kept me going throughout this ordeal. So, let's see what you think. I want you ALL to continue the sentence:

TOO MUCH TV IS ...

Let's see who comes up with the most original sentence!
Looking forward to reading you!

Let me go watch my programs now,
Love you ALL,
Laha (Well, actually Hala, but the L's were looking so nice under each other I figured, what the heck! ; )

Look Who's Here!!!!!

The girls are here! The girls are here!! Yay! Yay!!! The girls are here!!!!
Finally, I get to see them. It's been ages! I hadn't seen them since last January and I was beginning to feel like a fish out of water.
It's true it took less than 24 hours for me to start shouting and scolding, but at least it feels normal again. I have my girls with me and I can shout and scold all I want! And kiss and hug and cuddle and and and...
It's been a real fiesta here; cooking, singing, dancing, playing games, walking down the High Street, shopping... Hamdillah, I feel busy and useful again.
The doctors have begun to cut down my meds, which is great cuz that means I can go home when I've stopped them. Hope I don't get any side effects from that. I've already got swollen feet again, but I hope that'll go away when I start walking again. (Oh, we've been stuck in the house for a while now because it's freakin' cold, freezing!!!)
Meena and Rabab are here too, and they've been a lot of fun (and help). The more the merrier, right?! Meena's been a great help with the girls and Rabab's spoiling Zeena rotten (and us too with her cooking!)
A friend of mine in Beirut called me today and said that they were sitting in the open air @ the ahweh, in the beautiful sun, opposite the calm, blue sea and that the temperature there was around 28 degrees! AAAAAAAAAAAaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhh!!! I wanna be there. It's probably less than 5 degrees here and it rained horizontally today because of heavy winds. A7777, it makes me cold just thinking about it! Yalla, baseeta, soon inshallah, pretty soon I will be there too, or as Wiss says, I will be nagging him to turn on the AC and fix the temperature in the room, and that it's way too hot, and I'd be hot and sweating. Yes! Yes! Yes!!! Can't wait.

On this warm note,
ta ta,
mwah,
Hala

Family's A Fortune!!!

Whether it's immediate family or extended family, ALL family is priceless! No matter where you are or what you are going through you can always rely on your family to be there for you. Be it on the phone, or behind the computer screen, on a Christmas card, or right there smack in your face, your family will always back u up when you need them. Whether in Beirut, Amman, Dubai, Kent, Bonn, Toronto, Florida, or anywhere else in the world, your family will always be ready to catch u when u fall. At least I am lucky to say my family will and have been!

The incredible support that my family has shown me throughout my ordeal has been absolutely remarkable. In their own different ways, they showed their love and understanding. They picked me up when I was feeling down. They worried about me when I was half-way gone. They cooked for me, bathed me, held my hand, walked with me, read for me, danced for me, sang for me... They did everything possible to make me feel better.

I thank you ALL, my family, my flesh and blood, my heart and soul. Without you, I wouldn't have made it so far so quickly.

Love you tons,
ALL of you,

Hala
p.s. picture of me and Oushi, my wonderful, sweet, German cousin, who came ALL the way to see me and spend the weekend with me with her lovely mom, Heidrun. Thanks a million. Mwah.

The Other Faces of Zee!!!

Habeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebtiiiiiiii, yes, we're playing around with her! And she loves it, hehe. Rabab, my aunt, arrived on Monday bearing gifts, tons of them, and some very 'unusual' ones (to say the least), like high-heeled silver sandals and bright red wig! (She brought them for a good laugh on purpose, and Zee just loved them!) Rabab also brought Zee a couple of fairy outfits from Dina (tks dindin) which we have not been able to peel of Zee until now!!!

Otherwise, we are fine. We struggled with a bit of Zee fever last weekend and had to have her hospitalized for a couple of days. But, they changed her antibiotics and she is fine now, hamdillah.

I, however, have been struggling with reducing my meds, with all the discomfort and body aches that come along with that, but I am adamant cuz I know when these meds are stopped, I am much closer to home. So, let's bear it and shut up! No nagging today!

Today is Wednesday again, and as promised earlier, I am going into London. Been invited to lunch by a very sweet, old friend of mine to a trendy cafe in Notting Hill. Will tell u ALL about it when I get back (if I get back in one piece, for the weather today, I can't begin to tell u,... ufff!!!)
I WANT SUN!!! I WANT TO GO OUT IN A T-SHIRT!!! I WANT TO SWIM!!! I WANT BEIRUT!!! I WANT MY GIRLS!!! I WANT MY MOMMY AND DADDY!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!!!!!!

Ok, ok, I know, inshallah soon. Just keep your hopes up and your fingers crossed for us.

Love you and leave you (for now),
mwah,
H

It's good to be back!!!

It's been a while now that I'd been feeling bored, frustrated and actually pissed off. I wanna go home. It feels like I'm a prisoner here, not allowed to leave, at least not before end of April. I miss home. I miss the girls. I miss everything about crazy ol' Beirut! The doc said he wants to wean me off ALL meds b4 he lets me go home. He needs to make sure that I am doing well on my own. I wish he'd let me go sooner. The walls of my lovely Sutton apartment were beginning to close down on me, until a few days ago, when I finally left Sutton for The City! You've ALL read about my 'unfortunate' adventure on the frickin' London Bus Tour. Well, I put in a photo of Zee n Wiss in front of Buckingham Palace, just for the record!

But then came the Canterbury Trip. That was amazing!!! The Cathedral is magnificent, and so was Meena's concert. We stayed in a tiny hotel (The Sun Hotel) of 7 rooms (Charles Dickens used to stay there!). It's a 600-year-old house, recently refurbished, wonderfully cozy. The only downside was the frickin' cooing of the doves on our bedroom window at SIX A.M. in the frickin' morning!!!! But Canterbury is such a nice town, with little roads and kitchy stores and yummy restaurants and bohemian cafes. We took a long walk around and it did us ALL a whole lot of good.

However, the icing on the cake was today's program. A dear friend of mine whom I know from Beirut had invited me to lunch in London. Now, I'm not the kind who'd do lunches every day (Lord knows, I hardly have time), and I don't usually talk much when surrounded by too many people, but, I tell you, today, I couldn't keep my tongue in my mouth!!! It's like I had to talk for the six months I'd been 'silent'! The company was lovely and the food was great (dim-sums, yum-yum!) It felt great to talk about things other than chemo and pain and side effects and hair loss! I was so excited when I got back home that I didn't even need my afternoon blanket, cuppa tea and hot water bottle! To the friend who made me feel "alive" again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. And thanks to the lovely ladies who joined in; it was gr8 seeing u again!

So, it's decided, I have to do one trip to London and try to have a 'normal' day at least once a week, or else I shall explode here in good ol' Sutton. Don't get me wrong, I am not being unfaithful to Sutton per se, but the whole routine life I've been living for the past 4 months or so. If I want to make it through the next two months, I have to get out more, try to diversify a little, and maybe even do some research for work while I'm at it.

I've included some photos for you to see. Hope you like them. I dunno in what order they will come out on the blog (I really still dunno how to use all this technology)(but I'm sure if I do something drastically wrong, Rima will hack my site and fix it :)

Till the next,
mwah
H

Happy Hundred!

Yesterday, We were ALL feeling bored from the daily routine, so we decided to take Zee into London to see the sights. Since it was a cold and gloomy day, we opted for the Big Sightseeing Tour Bus which would take us ALL around, show us ALL the sights, keep us warm, and ALL the while entertain us and teach us about London. Well, first of ALL, we sat in the lower deck; however, Zee wanted to try the upper, open-air deck so we went upsatirs. It was freezing cold and we had to wait for an empty seat in the semi-covered part so as to be a bit warmer. Still, over there, the wind was blowing from behind us and we almost froze to death. It had been almost one and a half hours since the beginning of the journey and we still hadn't seen any sight. So, cold and miserable, and seeing that it was a rip-off, we decided to get off the bus. We were walking towards Selfridges to get some lunch when I suddenly tripped and fell smack on the ground! Ouch! And to top it ALL, it began to rain, so we had to run, me with my limp, Wiss holding us both each in one hand, to catch a taxi! Ah, thank God for the London Cab. He took us to James Street where I knew there were tons of restauarants to choose from. We chose Cafe Rouge, for we hadn't eaten French food in a while, and the onion soup and steak frites sounded just right after our ordeal. Boff! The food wasn't that great, but mashi el hal. We then took a cab back to Victoria Station. We were telling the cab driver about the stupid bus experience we'd had, and he told us he could have taken us ALL around for much less and in a much warmer surrounding. I didn't want to go back home completely defeated, so I asked him to take us to Buckingham Palace. We stopped in front of it, took a few photos, then did the same in front of Big Ben and a few other nearby sights and went back home with proof of a true 'London experience' for ZEE!!!

Now, if you are wondering about the title of this entry, well today is the 100th day post transplant!!! Yayyy!! It's supposed to be a big deal, a kinda milestone. So, hamdillah, and hope for more and more healthy hundreds of days! To celebrate, Wiss is taking us to Canterbury for the weekend. We will also get to see Meena singing with the choir in the Cathedral! So, it should be a fun and entertaining weekend. Will tell you ALL about it when we get back. Wish us luck.

mwah,
Hala

Fast Forward >>>>>

The past two Thursdays I've been going to a 'class' at the hospital called Fast Forward. It is intended for those who have done their bone marrow transplant and want to move on with their lives. The class consists of an hour of soft exercises, 10 work stations, in fact, like leg lifts, step-ups, and balance wheel. We, me and some 8 other 'recovering patients', take turns on each station and work at it for 2 minutes. After that, there is a relaxation session of about 15 mins, and then after that we ALL go sit in a room, have some 'tea and pie' and talk about something specific. Each week there is a different speaker, a dietician, a psychologist, a nurse... It's been a lot of fun and very useful. I was sore for three days the first time I did the exercises, but it felt good to work those sleeping muscles. I would like to be able to do more, but I guess it'll take some time to regain ALL my strength and energy.

It's great that they are trying to push us forward, to make us go on with our lives, however, I find myself somehow scared to move so fast. I mean I want to, but I am scared or anxious about the future. I'd been 'without responsibilities' here for the past four months, just concentrating on myself and on getting better. Suddenly, I have to start thinking about going back to 'normal' life, to work, to kids, to responsibilities... It won't be too long before they send me back (probably end April) and much as I'd love to go back asap, I find myself hesitant, scared and yes, anxious. What if I can't pick up where I'd left? What if I don't have enough energy for the girls? What if my hands aren't stable enough to decorate my cookies? What if my mind isn't clear enough to plan for the next business steps? What if...?

Still it feels good to go back to normal, yet I also feel guilty seeing Zeena going in the opposite direction. I am ecstatic that I have enough energy to give her her bath at night, yet feel crushed when I remove strands of falling hair with my bare hands. I revel at the fact that my energy is coming back stronger than ever and I want to go out of the house ALL day, whereas her energy is diminishing and she doesn't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. Habibti, she's been such a good girl and so 'grown-up' about the whole thing, yet the frickin' medications make her moody and fussy and weary. Yalla inshallah this will be over soon and she will go back to being the cheerful, energetic, funny kid she is.

Well, to wrap up, I guess I should be grateful that I am getting better so that I can help her get better too. So, let's press the fast forward button and jump to the happy ending at the end of the tape!

xxx
H

My Newly Plucked Eyebrows and other stories!

Yes, I finally plucked my eyebrows. There were tons of them (steroids, mish shatara minni!). I tried my best to do a good job at 'drawing' them, but it's difficult when u have to do it with shaky hands and dry fingertips! Anyway, that's the first attempt. I still have a lot of facial hair, but now that the doc's reduced my Prednisolone, I am desperately waiting for them to fall off.
Oh, and guess what??? I wore MASCARA!!! Meena, my 18-year-old bubbuly niece, bless her, took me shopping yesterday. We tried on some mascara from her favourite make (benefit) and I just fell in love with their products, and esp the packaging!!! So, I ended up buying make-up, yaaayyyy! And they ALL have funky names, for instance, Some kind-a gorgeous foundation, bad gal lash mascara and Honey, snap out of it facial scrub!!! I am very happy with my new purchase, esp that I haven't worn make-up in ages and that I'd left my case back home. So, I figured, if I'm gonna start anew, I'd better do it in style!!!
Seeing that I had lost a whole lotta weight and that my jeans are way too loose, Meena also took me jeans shopping. She has a peculiar taste and opinion about jeans, so I had to try on a million pairs until we finally decided on one. They're niiiiiccceee!!! I should put on my new make-up and new jeans and take a photo and show you the new and improved me!
I am feeling much better, hamdillah, and my energy is coming back full blast. At the same time, Zee is losing hers which makes it a bit difficult on us. Habibti, she is becoming more moody by the minute, she doesn't feel like doing much even when it's a glorious day outside. She doesn't want to ride the bike or the scooter, or go to the park... She only sometimes wants to go down to the High Street and buy herself something (to2borni tal3a la imma!) She also enjoys helping me cook, so we're doing a lot of that (well, I have to since mommy's gone, min gheir sharr, and I have to feed the family!!!) But it's been a lot of fun, esp that I have an open hotline with mom!!! hehe!!!

Speaking of food, I gotta go have dinner (Wiss has prepared a surprise!) I usually only take care of one meal, too tired to prepare dinner, so Wisso takes care of that, habibi!

Catch u l8r guys,
mwah
Hala

Chop, Cut, Cook.

Or more accurately: Chop the onions, Cut your finger, Cook the onions!!! How the heck do you chop onions without cutting a finger? How do you make them all symmetrical? And most importantly, how do you get rid of that smell on your fingers?
Sorry I haven't written in a while but I have been busy taking an intensive cooking course with mom, the best cook in the whole wide world! Ever since I got married (almost 15 years ago!) there was always someone to cook for us. It was either mom who sent us food or she'd taught our help to make us the foods we liked. I'd always reserved my energy to cooking for my dinner parties, and that usually consisted of Internataional foods, and never Arabic stews and such.
So, to cut a long story short, these past few days have been a true eye-opening experience for me. We made so many things that make you go Mmmmmm! We made riz bi foul, mnazzalet el batenjen, mloukhieh masrieh, bamieh bi lahmeh, wara2 3inab (yes, I rolled them! However, it turned out that I'd rolled them inside out!!!! How was I supposed to know that vine leaves weren't 'double-sided'?), 2 kinds of white rice, basmati and Egyptian (never had a clue b4!), plus at least 3 new kinds of soups, including yummy chicken and beef stocks (and a soup u do when u make a mistake cooking a stew!)
Mom and I had never spent so much time together, under one roof, and I can't tell you the mother-daughter bonding that goes on under that roof! She's been delightful company and wonderful support (despite her own backache) plus never-ending love supply to me and Zee. She wants to go back home on Sunday. She says haram dad's been alone for too long. I dunno what we'll do without her. We've gotten so used to her, it's gonna be very difficult to let her go. But she promised to come back with dad, so that's something to look forward to.

'Chop, Cut, Cook.' Sounds like, 'duck, duck, goose' or that game 'paper, rock, shears' (?). The phrase has been stuck with me ALL day! So has the smell of onions!!! Any tips on how to get rid of smells of onion and garlic? Plus, how do you get rid of cooking smells when u live in a small house and your kitchen is smack in the middle of the living room? OK, u open the windows for a while, light a candle... nah, doesn't work! And finally how do you chop without cutting fingers? (I bought a machine with a blade that's supposed to do the job, but it doesn't work properly, and it has so many parts that u end up doing more washing-up than ever PLUS cutting the onions manually (and eventually cutting your fingers!) The worst part is when u put on a plaster; then u can't chop at all!!!

Well, awaiting your tips for a better kitchen experience,
I leave you to ponder on ALL those yummies,

For those who want explanations and translations (Christina for instance), I will gladly send u recipes if u r interested, or even cook 'em for u when (and if) I ever see you!

Hope I didn't make u too hungry,
night night
Hala

Bonding in the Sutton Sun!

Today was a lovely day in Sutton. We took the opportunity to go down to the park with Zeena's new scooter. After a couple of runs and a small fall (oops!) Zee decided to sulk and refrain from playing. I had to get on the swings and act the clown to finally convince her to go back to playing. (In effect, I needed an excuse to get on those swings!) After that, we walked in the sun for a while, watched the squirrels and pigeons and were 'fascinated' by the young couple kissing and cuddling nonstop on one of the benches! We sat at a bench too (but didn't kiss or cuddle!!!) and had probably one of the longest conversations I have ever had with my daughter. Habibti, she has grown so much, so quickly. She speaks of everything and knows so much and memorizes so many incidences; it's amazing! I think God has sent her to me for that purpose, for Zee and I had never really spent time together as much. I was always busy with my treatment (Round 1), or with work or her sisters. Now, I feel she is ALL mine, ALL for me to explore and love and hold and kiss and, yes, cuddle!!! And she's so yummy too cuz she's been eating sooo much that her cheeks are like 'sponge cake', as Teta says.

Teta, ah Teta! Habibti mama. She was feeling a bit 'under the weather' today so she refrained from leaving the house. "I" made her chicken soup!!! Yes, moi! (Of course following her directions.) And I also made kebbe bi laban, basmati rice, ejjeh (omlette with courgettes, onions and parsley for those who dunno) AND a salad!!! ALL following mom's instructions. Zee helped too. She peeled the cucumbers, grated the courgettes, squeezed the lemons and handed us pots from the low cupboard! It was great cooking together, three generations of kitchen lovers!

After lunch, I wanted to be in the sun again, so I left them napping and went down to the High Street. I walked ALL the way down, bought 'a few' things along the way then took the bus back up!

I don't know where ALL this energy is coming from. I think cuz I used to be anemic (another difficult word to spell!) and am not anymore (cuz Fadi isn't) I have so much extra energy that I need to spend. Hamdillah that I am able to do it without causing any pain or trouble. The doc did say I had to walk a mile a day; However, he didn't specify whether it should be a 'shopping' mile or not!

Anyway, as long as I am feeling better, I will keep on walking, God willing, and I will hold Zee's hand and walk with her till the very end, inshallah.

Hope tomoro is another sunny day for me and ALL of you!

g'night people,

mwah,

Hala

(n.b. Zeina Halawi pls send me ur email or number urgently!)

TA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

CLOTROPHOBIA!!!!!!

Forgive me dear friends, for I have stalled! Well, actually, I didn't really stall, but I couldn't get myself to type with one hand. The reason for that is, actually, that there turned out to be a CLOT under my left arm, causing it to swell and hurt, thus making it impossible for me to use. They said it was most probably caused by the Hickman Line that they had put in my veins a few months ago to give me meds thru and draw out bloods from, and that it was absolutely essential to remove it ASAP. So off to the Minor Procedures Unit we went (that was Friday) and did a 'minor' operation to remove the 'bloody' line. And since I had a bone marrow aspirate on Monday, I opted to do it right then too so I would finish with it and spend a 'carefree' weekend. So, there I was, needles in the front and in the back, push, pull, stitch, breathe, exhale, ignore, shush, quiet, ouch, yikes... till it was over about an hour later and I got to go back home and rest.
Clots! As if I needed more headache. I had just finished from one in my right arm a week ago! (That one was caused by the Central Line I had put in in Beirut last August!) So now it's more shots in the stomach, which I don't really mind giving myself cuz it makes me feel like a doc or a nurse for a little while, hehe! But Clots! Imagine I survive ALL only to die of a blood clot! Wouldn't that be ironic! Yalla baseeta, when u gotta go u gotta go, no matter how or why. But issokay, or it should be, inshallah. A couple of months and it'll melt away. Meanwhile, I will try not to think much about it and hope the swelling in my arm eases pretty soon.

On a lighter note, MY EYEBROWS ARE ALL OUT!!!! So is my hair (even facial hair, oh God!) and those who don't believe me, hmmm, I'll have someone photograph me tomoro and I'll post the picture, I promise!

I shall leave you for now. Gotta go make Zee some more food! Habibti, ever since they started her on steroids she hasn't stopped eating! And she is picky too, and sets out the menu for the whole week! I guess she's taken much more from me than ALL! God bless her!

g'night
xxx
H

ALL Hail The Unknown Soldier!!!

Whether it's sleeping on 5 pillows on the floor of AUH's BMT Unit, or lying next to Zee at the Royal Marsden Children's Ward; whether it's eating sandwiches when u r diabetic and it's the worst thing for him or sneaking out early in the morning for a coffee and a smoke; whether it's putting on the bravest, most supportive face for me or the funniest, most loving one for Zee, you cannot help but admire the unknown soldier, Wiss.
A man of very few words, he has put his life on the side to help me (and now Zee) get through the toughest periods of our lives. He's forgotten about his passion, his painting, and only sketches from time to time to keep his hands working. He's deleted the 'ever-so-precious' afternoon nap, the quiet few hours in his room in the morning, the 'time-out' he slips away to just to be there for us. I don't think I've ever known anyone become so selfless, so unselfish, so devoted to anyone as much before. And I'm not just saying that cuz he's my husband (Lord knows I wouldn't have been able to do so much had I been in his shoes, God forbid!)
So, for those who have mentioned 'The Forgotten Soldier" in their comments earlier, thank you from Wiss and me. And for those who don't know Wiss, or are still 'discovering' him (as I am still), well guys, we have a gem on our hands.
Allah ykhalleek fo2 rasna habibi, and God give you strength to carry on this journey till the near and happy end, inshallah.

Love you,
H

Thanks From Me n Zee!!!

Dear Friends,

Zee and I would like to thank ALL those who lit candles for us last night. I heard the sky was lit in almost every country around the world! Special thanks to Mo for his extra special campaign, you are too precious!

We just want you to know that we are doing fine and that together we will make it through this, inshallah, with your help and support.

Zee has been allowed to come visit us at home these past two days in the afternoons. 7adara!!! (i.e. civilization!) She came for a few hours, ate teta's food like it was the first meal she'd had in years and filled up on hugs, kisses and cuddles to last till the next day.

My doc's appt was very positive today too, hamdillah. Everything going according to plan (a few side effects from the meds, but it's ok). Pretty soon I will be as strong as ever, God willing, and I will take Zee back home to Beirut to continue her consolidation treatment there.

On a lighter note, notice my eyebrows growing back!!! Yaaaaay!!! My hair's also starting to show. Yippeee!

yalla, l8r dudes,

mwah

H

Mysterious, indeed!

They say that the Lord works in mysterious ways, but this is freaky, man! Ever since I saw my beloved little one, I have found an inner strength that I didn't know existed just yet. Habibet albi, she is such a strong little girl, a tougher cookie than her mom! Seeing her at first with ALL the tubes and stuff coming out of her made me feel sick and queasy, but then I held myself together and her strength seemed to have rubbed on me. Now ALL of a sudden, my stomach is better (of course also tks to mom's amazing remedies) andI find I need to wake up early and rush to the hospital to take Wissam's place. I am not much the one who plays with her, but more the one who feeds, bathes, soothes and cuddles her, kinda what I really want and can do at the moment. I will not lie to you, I am still weak and shaky, but I am trying to ignore that and to put her in front of everything else. I have been criticized of overdoing it, but I can't help it. I want her to go through this as quickly and as smoothly as possible. And she will, inshallah, for they are saying her treatment will be short and easy, hamdillah.

So, whether you believe in God or any other Superior being, I am grateful for what's happening, ironic as it may be, but it could have been a lot worse. Pretty soon Zee will be home here with me, probably next week, and then she will be treated as an outpatient, so we will have our weekly hospital visits together, kinda like 'mother-daughter bonding', a much needed bonding since Zee and I have always been separated from eachother by sickness.

Zee is here now, with me, in my arms. I see her, smell her, touch her and hug her and thank God for her, yes, there must be a 'God' for bringing her to me and giving me enough strength to try and care for her as best as I can.

I want to sincerely thank ALL of you who wrote to me, whether on this blog or privately, and consoled me and tried to help me through this nightmare. I believe in hope, in love, in faith, in being strong together. I am grateful for ALL your kind words and advice, even those whom I don't know, or those I hadn't heard from in ages. What matters is that Zee and I are together and we will get through this together, God willing.

Wish me luck in finding yet more strength to sail through this, and pray for Zee and her quick recovery. I rely on you my friends to help my daughter just as you helped me get through such an ugly ordeal.

Love you tons,
Hala

How do u refuel faith?

When you come to the end of your rope, what makes you keep trying? When you've reached the end of the road, how do you keep walking? When you're all prayed out, how do you refuel?
How do you deal with the most shocking, painful news that hits you in the face when you least expect it? When you are fighting with ALL the little strength you still have in you, how do you become stronger? How are you supposed to forgive and have faith and keep praying when you are hit in the face with the cruellest, most unfortunate news you could ever be handed?
How do you deal with it when you are a relapsed ALL patient, just fresh out of a BMT, still suffering from the radiation side effects and they tell you that your youngest daughter has been diagnosed with Leukemia??? A kind of ALL, having no connection whatsoever with the one you have? Just sheer coincidence, a one in a million chance! How is that possible? How is it fair? Why? She is five, for God's sakes! What's she done to deserve this? Haven't I suffered enough for ALL of us? Why does she have to go through this?
I find it very difficult to absorb. My faith is wavering. I'm ALL prayed out. I am in disbelief, esp so that they said it has nothing to do with my case! How could that be? How unfortunate can I be? Why am I being punished so hard? What have I done? What has she done? How can I reverse this?
The logical thing would be is to thank God it's this and not more, but isn't this enough already? That she has an easy case and hopefully curable in no time, but is that really necessary? How do you keep your faith in God at such times when you feel he is against you, somehow doing this on purpose, for some reason? How can you keep praying? How do you refuel your faith?

Zee is arriving in London with Wiss tomoro to receive treatment here at the hospital with me. Well, at least one good thing came out of this, I get to see her and be next to her and try to help her as much as I physically can. I get to hug her and kiss her and tell her that ALL will be fine. That it will be over soon, I really really hope.

Pray for us my dear friends, for now that my faith is not ALL there, perhaps yours could be of more help. And pray for me to to retrieve my faith, for Zee to keep walking, for this nightmare to finally end and let us go on with our life.

love you,
Hala

Yansoon Dilemma Solved!

Dear ALL,
Thanks a million to everyone who tried to send me Aniseed or 'yansoon'. I finally got some. Guess how? MOMMY"S HERE!!! YAAAYYY!!!! She and Cyba surprised me a couple of days ago. Suddenly everything seems easier to handle!
Mom not only brought yansoon, but also half of her freezer including ALL kinds of 'kibbe' and spices and sheesh barak... yum yum yum. So, no worries about me eating well (as soon as I can manage to actually 'eat' anything! :(
Going to see the doc tomoro and try to find a solution to this bugger of a pain.
Wiss left to Beirut last night to check on girls. I miss him already! Pls those reading in Beirut, take care of him for me!

I will write more extensively later on,
meanwhile, stay warm

love u tons,
H

And the Cookie Takes the Cake!!!

Oh yes, folks. The only thing I could fathom putting in my mouth this morning was actually a biscuiut and some tea. (Yes, Hania, I dipped it first, of course!) And not just any biscuit. Seeing that I had a choice between Rich Tea, Double Choc-Chip, Burbon Creams and Digestives, the latter was the only one I could actually try. I had one and a half biscuits with some tea and felt bloated after that! As for lunch, eeeeewwwwwwwww, I can't even think of food any more. I tried some boiled potatoes, too dry! I think last night's Maggi chicken broth soup is a winner for dinnertime. Perhaps I'll try that again tonight, much to the dismay of Rabab, I know, for not having it fresh, but honestly, it isw lighter this way.

You should hear the sounds my stomach and intestines are making. It's like Jurassic Park Revisited ALL over again; a frickin' Tyranosaurus Rex or sth roaming around inside me.

I really want to thank all u who sent recipes and suggestions, but, u know what, I think no matter what I eat, as long as I am taking so much medication, nothimg will help improvw my 'situation'! It's a good thing I'm seeing the doc tomoro. Perhaps he can find a miracle cure for me. (just let's pray he doesn't stick me in the cell again...!)

As for those who sent me tips on how to keep busy, wow, there are some nice ideas there I hadn't thought of, some really fun, too (tks Hala 4 ur list. I love making lists!) I did buy a Best of Musicals cd and sang along to it, honest! As for Maz's suggestions for an orgt of Lord of the Rings, well, I hate to burst ur bubble babe, but that 'genre' is not really my cuppa tea. (Try Grease or Flashdance instead?)

I tried reading a book today. Really, I feel so jealous of the British gobbling up books everywhere and so quickly that I sat on my bed and started reading a new book I'd gotten as a gift from a friend. I woke up an hour and five lines later! (It's the meds, I tell you!)

I feel funny in my tummy. It's not really nausea nor heartburn but just general discomfort. Let's just pray they reduce my meds tomoro so I can feel a bit better. I sent Wissam on a hunt for 'aniseed' or 'yansoon'. All he could find was star anise. well, after trying to boil, crush, boil again... it turned out to be NOT THE SAME AS YANSOON! Too bad. That woulda helped, perhaps! Meanwhile, It's back to ginger and peppermint and jasmine teas I guess.

Go on, have a cuppa with me,

from a land far far away,
signing off,
T-Rex

(Man, I think I am confusing my movies? See Maz, I suck at this!)
xxx

My Makeshift Comfy Sofa!

Ahhhhhh, it feels good to be back home! Got back yesterday but it took me a good 24 hours to 'find' my balance again. Sob7an Allah how immediately one feels better at home. Not that anything has changed, the dayareeeiaaa is still there, and the shivers too, but somehow I feel better. I need to rest, I know, but I feel good and less anxious and ready to conquer this ugly thing again.

I have also been eating a bit too. In fact, ouyouni ma tshoof el chicken soup, or el pasta w laban for that matter! (I have chicken soup coming out of my ears now, and if I smell boiling pasta, my stomach turns!) But today I had spaghetti with tomato sauce, yay! It turns out that dairy products are not good for diorayaaaeeiiaa! So, remember all the riz w laban, or batata w laban or labneh w toast u used to eat for an upset stomach? LOSE the laban and labneh!!! I can't even have cheese, or milk! So what do I have for breakfast??? Dilemma. I can't even have eggs cuz they make my stomach feel funny. And toast with honey or even pancakes are too dry for my dry mouth! Suggestions for something good for breakfast, not dairy and not dry??? Help!!!

I thought I'd share the above picture with you. Wiss took it of me this afternoon and I thought the colours were amazing (forget the content, I look like 'ssssick'!) As you can see, my eyebrows are really trying to bud out but with great difficulty. This is the longest I've ever been without hair and this cold weather isn't really helping here! That's the makeshift sofa, the one that'll have to do till we get to the 'original' in Beirut. This one's going with me though. I proudly bought it from Ikea. It doubles up as a king-sized bed, quite comfy indeed for the likes of its own. And that's the famous hot-water bottle, the secret to man's happiness (or mine, at least!)

Ok now, since I need to rest, and I am not really allowed to leave the house much yet, any suggestions as to how to keep busy, of course other than TV, books, mags, puzzles, cooking, etc... I know i am asking for the moon here, but perhaps someone might come up with a winner!

Awaiting your suggestions (bear in my mind, I don't like to read much, I am usually impatient and I get bored easily! There, haven't I made this easier on you?!! hehe!!! Good luck!)

Mwah,

H

OK, OK, I'm Back!!!

Ya well, one cannot stay depressed too long, it depresses you!!! Although I am still a hostage at hospital, I decided, khalas, I miss u guys and this blog too much to keep sulking.
Yes, I am still at hospital. They are keeping me till all the test results and cultures come out. Today they are removing the IV antibiotics and putting me on oral ones to see if my temperature remains stable. As for the diarrhea, ever wondered how many spelling mistakes one can make with that word?! Jeez! There's diarhea, diarya, die-a-riya, diorrhea (actually I think this one is also correct!), dioriya,... Leyla, help me out here! Eh, however u spell it, it's still there, so they r running tests for that too, but it is draining me! I am not eating (maalesh will lose some weight and become 'svelte'!) , I am taking way too many pills and I am sleeping half the day. I shall call this a retreat, or a 'cure'. Instead of going somewhere far and expensive to relax, I get to do it in good ol' Sutton!
I want to thank ALL of you who commented on my last entry. Really, thanks for your support. You are truly with me throught thick and thin. I got some lovely, warm words from many of you, esp Hania (wow, u sure know how to console someone, tks habibti!) I also happen to know that my 'silent' readers, or groupies as Dina likes to call them, are also very supportive. I thank u for that, and understand if u want to remain 'anonymous'. I love u anyway!
I had a revelation the other day while I was sitting in my hospital bed (which is by the way, unfortunately, very comfy, with crisp sheets and the perfect pillow and all). Well, as I sat there, I was thinking, when someone tells you to "go to a nice place", or "imagine yourself at the place where u would rather be, we usually immediately think of a desert island, palm trees, sunshine, maybe a couple of coconut drinks... i.e. tropical heaven. But it dawned on me that day as I closed my eyes and 'went' to my favourite place that it is no longer the island that I want. I imagined home, sofa, tv, family, friends, dinner on my coffe table with way too many people to fit, Beirut nights out, thunderstorms while u r still in bed, great food, sea, mountain, etc... Yes, my dear friends, that was very enlightening and comforting, and hopefully pretty soon I will be there, in my favourite 'place' with ALL u guys coming to visit, and me throwing parties at home, and cocktails and stuff @ the new kitchen. Pretty soon, inshallah. I just need to learn to be patient, as Wiss always reminds me.
Ok, then, now I am off to my daily routine, trashy newspaper, boring television, inedible lunch, afternoon doze, evening internet check, and late-night movie I'd seen at least a dozen times!!! The good life, eh? Hamdilla. It could have been worse.

tata my 'groupies', hehe
love,
Hala

Sunday, bloody Sunday!!!

What could be worse than a long boring Sunday indoors??? A long boring Sunday indoors at hospital with fever and diarrhea!!! Oh yes, folks, I had to be hospitalized again yesterday bec I had had a bad night and they were worried about me so they admitted me and gave me tons of antibiotics to rule out any possible danger. I am feeling better now, but bored to death, esp that today is probably the nicest weather since we got here, and it kills me to lie in my hospital bed and waste such a beautiful day.

I think I am also down cuz I miss the girls too much. It was great seeing them, but also hurtful. I got so attached to them and used to having '3aj2a' in the house that I don't dare go home to an empty house. Do u think I got sick bec of that? Or do u think I was bound to get sick but had postponed it till they all left and the coast was clear? Or did God do me that favour? Well, thanks anyway. It sure is a relief I didn't have to be hospitalized while they were here. Hamdillah for that.

So, this morning, was woken up for meds and blood tests, then breakfast (hardly ate), then shower, then read The Sunday Times which is like 3 tons heavy, that took a couple of hours, then napped a bit (but of course, with three interruptions, one nurse, one Wiss phone, one lunch), ah, lunch, hardly touched that either, then computer for a couple of hours, AND it is still 4:00 pm!!! What next? Sunday TV is boring and I can't get myself to read a book to save my life. Wiss is dozing off on the lazy chair next to me, poor thing, why does he have to carry my cross with me?

So, you see, it is not all peachy and dandy as u thought. I actually do get depressed and bored and lonely and unable to hide it (sorry, I know Fadi is going to scold me for letting everyone feel down, but I guess u oughta know the good, the bad and the ugly!)

The fact is I miss Beirut, I miss my home, my kids, my comfy sofa, my work, my friends, Gemmayzeh, Ahwet el Rawda, the Golf Club in the sun, my mom, my mom, my mom, and my darling, darling dad. It's so difficult to be away. I know, I know, I should be grateful, and I am, honest, but I just needed to let off steam. I am sorry if I bored you with this entry. I promise the next one will be 'cheerful', inshallah.

Gotta go do nothing now,
see u soon,

mwah
Hala

On Love and Chicken Soup!

Hiya everyone! Sorry it's been so long but my internet connection was out for a few days. I had to make around 25 looong phonecalls to BT and Sky and Broadband until it finally came back, alone might I add.
Well, the girls are gone, and so is Rabab! Wiss and I are back to beit byout, with the addition of mom's house help who stayed behind to help us, yay! (Now we can finally wear ironed clothes!)
It was very subtle, the way the girls said goodbye. They started a couple of days ago, coming to sit next to me or snuggle up to their dad. And then, on the last night, we had Loulwa cozying up next to us after dinner, Amar sleeping next to us at night, and Zee joining her early morning! Then they upped and went to the airport with no fuss. Only when they reached Beirut did they realize they had left us and won't be seeing us for a while. So, they ALL made a scene and teta came to the rescue! Habibati! And that's just talking about them. I won't even try to tell you how I feel about their departure!

And Rabab left today too, my soup-making, massage-doing, prayer-embracing, morale-lifting army general of an aunt! I will miss her and her chicken soup (she refused to let me open a can of soup and insisted on making me fresh ones, even late at night! Thanks, Ribbo!)

Rima http://www.marayagalleries.blogspot.com/ (sorry I dunno how to 'link' to u!) has 'tagged' me! That means I have to write 5 weird or random things about me on my blog and then tag 5 other bloggers! Well, 5 weird or random things about me, hmmmm, let's see.

1- I can't sleep if there's an open closet in the room.
2- I am afraid of the dark (always have a night light on!)
3- My fourth toe wiggles and does a dance better than all other toes!
4- I've become very picky about taste and won't enjoy just about anything anymore.
5- I don't like anyone reading my magazine before me (and I usually buy the second on the rack, after I've gone through the first!)

phewwww, that was difficult. Now to 5 more bloggers, hmmmm, Fawzan, (Yayyyy!!!! zabatit. I know how to link, I think!!!) Mazen, Nemr, Frances, and Debi.

Well, now to go and inform my taggers! (thanks for the homework, Rima!)

Meanwhile, keep warm and have soup!
love,
Hala