I am hungry again, yay! (I think?!!)

Morphine ya morphine. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

Man, they're uncountable! It is absolutely amazing!!! The improvement from last night to tonight was gradual, slowly but surely, but at least now I can swallow a bit and the cramps have diminshed considerably (thank you, God!)

They had come to see me in the morning after a long, rough night and decided to double the morphine and asked if I minded?! Me mind, morphine? yeeha! It's a pity though that I am not experiencing any halucinations or anything. The doc asked if I was having nightmares, but that's a negative too, hamdilla. So, basically, it is reducing pain and making me sleepy! (check out the pic above. I am on morphine and thus sleepy, fhemna, tayyeb, bas Wiss shoo??? u must be asking yrselves! Those who know wisso know that he will take any opportunity to nap no matter how, where, when... Plus don't forget the load he is carrying habibi. he must be exhausted! Ya3teeh alf 3afieh.

Right now I am trying to have a piece of blueberry muffin with a drink of Ribena (typical English), but they r still difficult to swallow with all the ulcers in my mouth, so I guess I will celebrate going back to food tomoro, insghallah (or else they will put a food drip on me, and I, the gourmande, would never accept to be fed via a tube. eeeeeewwwwwwww!!!)

Again, thank you Fadi for taking over last night. I woulda depressed your socks off had I written instead of him!

OK, so day +7 and the counts are still not flat! They're at 200. Yalla they should go down, so their relatives (fadi's cells) can replace them. I am so possessive and clingy. I cannot get my own cells to leave me even if it means a better life for me. what kind of sicko am I?

Maalesh as long as there is no, or at least some bearable pain, I don't care how long the cells will take to engraft. Let's just hope I get to leave the hospital by x-mas eve (again Cyba make a killer turkey dinner!)

Awright kiddos, adios, a domani, a toute, tou re lu....

Keep them prayers coming, I'm sure they had something to do with my feeling better today!

love you all

H

Fadi for Hala

For Hala is high on morphine!!! she requested Bigbro to fill in her shoes today. Surely she wouldn't have asked had she been any less high ;-). Day 6 passed Hamdilla relatively well. Changed medication patterns and now uses a 24 hour pump to cut down on surges and side effects. It helped it seems but still cant eat much by mouth, but that is expected. Had platelets again today and got a little fever hike again. A few more rough days, not many Inshalla, and all this will be history. Thank you all for your support, your posts, your prayers and your care. Keep them all coming. Hala says hi and thanks to each one of YOU dear FRIENDS.

...and the plot thickens!!!

Hey everyone! How u doin'? I'm ok, a bit tired. The counts are dropping which makes me tired, plus all the other extras on the side... ya3ni, hamdilla, but it ain't so easy! I was so tired late last night, that I fainted in the toilet!!! It was only for a couple of seconds, but poor Wiss had the scare of his life. My blood pressure had dropped... mashi el 7al.
Today, I lay low a bit, watched a bit of TV, slept some... but also managed to get a platelet transfusion and a bit of a fever after that, which made the doctors start me on antibiotics! Yalla, a7san, this way I'm well protected.
Today was chicken soup day, and yest was carrot and potato. I also discovered that I could drink milkshake, so I had a choc one yest and a strawberry one today. Not bad!
Tayyeb, yalla, I'm off to bed.
later dudes!
xxx
hala

Speak to me not of food!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nausea, heartburn, diarrhea, cramps... yummy!
Sorry didn't write last night (obviously for the above reasons!) I hope I didn't scare or disappoint some of you regulars. It's gonna be like this for about a couple of weeks now, so don't get impatient on me now. The symptoms will probably get worse this week, so I might not even write at all for a few days. It's all fine as long as there is medication for the pain. I had a rough weekend bec it had taken them some time to regulated the dosage of the meds. Hope it works well from now on.
The white counts are quite low today: 400 but hamdillah I don't feel it. Plus, the fact that there is no isolation or masks or anything required here makes it much easier. We just have to make sure noone with the flu comes over to visit!
Lara came over from Paris, or should I say Mama Noel? She brought tons of stuff from Beirut, including drawings by my daughters, habibati. I decorated the room with them and printed out some pix too and hung them on the walls. I'll take pictures and post them soon.
Right now, amid cramps, I am waiting for Food Poker to come on. At least some routine in my life!
Bye for now, perhaps I'll write again later tonight.
Awaiting your comments,
mwah,
H

Cyba's shorbet 3adas!

Were it not for Cyba's lentil soup, I would have had nothing to eat all day today. It turns out their food is inedible, esp so if one is feeling nauseated, which was the case all day today! Nausea, diarrhea and a bit of a cold and a slight cough didn't make this a very pleasant day, although Meena came over today. We playes Scrabble and did some crossword puzzles and then watched HAIRSPRAY! Fun movie; John Travolta is hilarious in it.
Ok guys, sorry I g2g. Extremely tired now. a demain inshallah.
mwah
hala

...and it begins!

The waiting, that is. Oh and the ugly side effects! Not much excitement today. It's a good thing actually, cuz that means things went smoothly, and they did, hamdillah.
Just a lot of hanging around in the room, watching tv, doing crosswords, reading the paper, refusing the incredible food AND going to the toilet!!! My body aches a bit, but they said it was normal. meanwhile, I am taking advantage of that, asking Wisso to massage me every now and then!
So, basically, it's all waiting from now on. Hope I don't get a lot of ugly sides with the waiting! The counts are still high, so I am guessing it may be a long wait. It's like my body refuses to give in. Tough cookie tougher than we thought. Well, no time for abadayat now. I need to be weak to be strong again! Inshallah kheir.

Thank u all for ur lovely comments and ur constant prayers.
love u tons,
a demain, inshallah,
H

D-day!!!

D-day! Yay! Hurray! It's done. I am officially a new Fadi! Hamdilla, it went very smoothly, just like a blood transfusion, plus all the hype! Everybody (except me) was so nervous and anxious. So, i kept looking at the trio and making sounds as if sth was wrong! haram, they bought it and got so scared for a second, it was hilarious! Then i started behaving and talking like fadi to break more ice. it was fun!

now they say it'll be a few more boring days before the action starts kicking in. hope it comes and goes smoothly. it will be a good 3 weeks till i'm up and running and allowed to go back home, so bear with me and keep me entertained!!!

love u all tons. tks 4 ur thoughts n prayers. i am v sleepy, so g'night 4 now.
catch u tomoro
xxx
hala

Hurrah For Fadi!!!

Day -1, The harvest went super well, thank God. The cells Fadi gave were more than enough, and a very very good count, so no need for more tomorrow. Hamdillah, yet another piece of super news! And he feels good too! He went to Marks and treated himself to a crispy duck dinner!
As for moi, well, today's been easy too, thank God. I had 2 radiation sessions and started cyclosporin, a medicine i have to take twice daily to protect me from the BMT. The only irritating thing that happened to me today was an inhalation medicine they gave me to protect my lungs from infection, God forbid. It tastes horrible and dries your mouth. Thank God it's only once a month.
We had a little dancing session this afternoon in the room. Yours truly was so bored that I started dancing to Nelly Fortado's 'Give it ti me' as soon as I heard it off Cyba's phone. The trio (Cyba, Fadi and Wiss) took videos of me on their phones! I will try to see if there's a decent one to put here!!!
So, tomoro Day 0, D-Day!!! I am not that worried about it. I dunno why people r giving it so much importance. maybe cuz IT IS???!!! Well, i want to think of it as if it's any other procedure, and then live it one day at a time... let's just hope my body accepts the cells. it'll be a while b4 we know so hold ur horses, it's a long ride.
i am still waiting 4 you to add my new yahoo messenger name: halabeydoun@yahoo.com
i cannot add u. i've lost all the addresses with the stupid msn that is blocked here.

ok, i'm gonna head to bed. long day today and longer tomorrow.
pls people, this is it, this is the time for ur love, support and prayers.
think of me tomorrow, and i will right and tell u how it went.

'night
mwah
hala

Careful! I am radioactive!!!

Honest, Cyba told me that whenever I come close to a TV, static comes on! hehe! Good thing the girls aren't near.
Well, day -2, surprisingly better than day -3, thank God! I guess He's answered all those prayers (thanks to u all and esp to Him!). So, 2 radiation sessions, and a potassium injection in the middle. not too bad for a day. The thirst is much better, tks for all ur tips. I had to stick to water and sucking lemon candy, though, cuz I was too cold to even think of coming near ice lollies or cubes! I am not in Hawaii, guys! remember this is freezing Sutton. Oh and Fawzan and Rima, not to worry, I don't like Gatorade and don't think they'll get me any here anyway, so u 2 can stop fighting over it online!!! (love u guys!)
An old high school friend came to visit me this evening. Wissam Yafi. It was so sweet of him to come. We had a good time catching up. quite a few people said they would be visiting. I hope they make it before I am absolutely knackered! or after that. i have to be here for a long time after i leave hospital, and i will have nothing much to do except come to the hospital once a week or so, so we would be more than happy to accomodate friends! yalla get ur visas going.

oh, btw, the frickin msn in this hospital doesn't seem to be working, so pls add my new yahoo messenger address:halabeydoun@yahoo.com U don't need to have a yahoo account, u can do it from msn messenger.

yalla a demain,
need to go sleep,
big day for fadi tomoro, he starts his harvesting. he has to stay on the machine for four hours. so good luck fadi. love u tons. mwah.
H

Heyyy, I'm still here, hehe!!!

Ok, first day of treatment. I won't call it day one cuz they consider the day they give me the stem cells day zero which is on Thursday 22nd. So today is day -3?!

Well, whatever day it is, it was rougher than expected but still bearable, hamdilla. After having had a disrupted sleep because of the bloods coming and going, I finally woke up, full of energy of course, and started getting ready to go down to my first TBI scheduled at 9:00. btw, i need to do 8 of those in 4 days, (ya3ni twice daily for those mathematically impaired!) They took me down in a wheelchair around 9:20 and had yet another gyt explain the procedure for me and make me sign yet another consent... Anyway, after finally taking me in, they spent a good hour just positioning me and sticking on stuff... the actual radiation took 20 min and didn't hurt at all!

when i went back up to my room, i was greeted by the nurse and 4 bottles of high dose chemotherapy! yippe kay-aye! that went rather smoothly too and lasted till my 2nd radiation session.

well, to cut a long story short, i can tell u that radiation turned out to be no piece of cake. and this is just from the first 2 sessions. i have constant, unquenchable thirst. i can't drink any more water lest i will drown! and my eyes are red and blurry. i have soft 'bowels' (sorry bout that!), my jaw is swollen and hurts to the touch and i feel sleepy most of the time. but we have to admit these symptoms are far better than the other ones like vomitting and diarrhea... so, I guess once again, thank God for being easy on me! hope He keeps it up the next few days (or months!) (or years!!!) (Is it too much? do u think I'm asking a lot of Him??) nahhhhhhh. God is great! He'll understand and cooperate.

tomoro ma fi chemo, yay. just the two sessions of TBI. Hope that goes well and not worse than today. And if you know of a better thirst quencher than water, drop me a line.

tks

mwah

H

p.s. (Cristina tks for the puzzle!!! You didn't have to, really. You're so sweeeet! My God, how am I ever going to finish it?)

Ok, I'm in!

I was supposed to just come in for a check in, see the doc and then go sleep @ home and come back ealrly morning, BUT, it turns out my hemoglobin is low (or not high enough for tomoro's radiation) so they had to keep me here to give me blood. So, here I am waiting for my two units. It's a good thing I'd brought my suitcase with me. Now I'm in my jammies, comfy in a room much bigger and better than I expected (thank God), but hungry!!! They said they would get me an off-hours snack, I'm still waiting.
Fadi went home to sleep and Wiss stayimg with me here tonight (first nights always a must) (and seconds and thirds and ...) No, honest, I am expecting to start panicking about tomorrow any minute now. It hasn't started yet, despite all the phonecalls and emails asking me how I 'really' am and how I'm 'really' feeling... I am surprisingly calm, hamdillah. Let's hope I stay like that tomorrow when I'm all alone with the TBI (Total Body Irradiation) machine in a cold, heartless room.
This room, par contre, is actually nice. Not luxurious or anything, but spacious and clean and has a big window overlooking the garden. The bathroom is huge and there's a seat in the bath that Wiss found very comfortable! There's also a huge cupboard with more hangers than I have at home! oh, btw, over here they prefer it if u wore ur clothes during the day and ur pajamas at night. no hospital gowns. yay! That means I need to send Cyba or Wisso to buy me some jogging suits or 'lounge' wear! (that's what they call 'em, right?)
Ok, I'm starting to get restless and really really hungry. I'm gonna go shout at them, show them whom they are messing with. (hope they don't take it out on me with more pricks or something!).

Good night and please please please your prayers tomoro, most important!
tks
mwah
Hala

We @ The Park!

Hi-ya! This is how they say hi or hello here. You hear everyone saying hi-ya! In Beirut, it would be an unfinished sentence: "hi ya albi, hi ya 7ilou, hi ya hayawan, hi ya... Anyways...

Wiss and I finally got to the park (it's right opposite our house, but it's been sooo cold, that we hadn't dared go for a stroll there!). Yesterday, there was some sun (there was frost too, but there was sun) so we ventured into the park. It's beautiful and I can see it from the house. I can even see the children's playground and often visualize Zee playing there and me shouting to her from the 15th floor!!!

So, two more days to go before I am admitted. I've been trying to make the best of it, trying not to think too hard or worry too much. I went to London a couple of days. Wiss wanted to see an exhibition at Tate Modern so we went there, it was really nice. then he dragged me to a couple of art shops and i had to wait for about an hour for him to finish, but i was happy cuz he was ecstatic! Like a kid in a toyshop! habibi.

Today, the weather is lovely, sunny but 'nippy'!!! Ya3ni around 7 degrees!!! Ya3ni, I have to wear thge closet again! I don't have much to do today, so I'm taking it easy, preparing the stuff I have to take with me, shopping for things for the house...

I'm so grateful for those who wrote back with suggestions and recipes for dinner, tks guys! I found that M&S even have half-made meals that u can just finish off quickly and claim as your own doing, so that has made life a bit easier.

Fadi's coming tomorrow. My stem cells are coming tomorrow! yayyy!!! Allah yi7miyon! And Cyba is coming on Monday. Habibti, I miss her. She makes a killer cuppa tea!



Yalla later dudes, must go help clean the house! :(

mwah



H

Keep 'em coming, plzzzzzzzzz!

Well, people, today I went to see the doctor in preparation for my admission to hospital next Sunday. He had a look at the results of all the tests I had done and he examined me and asked a million questions and finally said: "You are a very healthy lady! This BMT should be straightforward." Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy! Inshallah ya rabb!!! I kept knocking on wood and saying 'inshallah' and 'hamdillah' and kept my fingers crossed. So, you see people, your prayers have been heard, so pls keep them coming. Somehow after that I feel a bit relieved. I am still anxious, of course, but, thank God, every piece of news is more positive than the previous one. Let's hope my streak of good luck doesn't run out.

Today it was freezing in Sutton. Wiss and I strolled down the High Street, bought some groceries, and headed back to the warmth of our house. A cuppa tea, a fleece blanket and a hot water bottle later I was finally warm and could enjoy my daily game shows on BBC2. Starting from a lovely new food show called "Food Poker", then "Are u smarter than a 10-year old", then "Eggheads" then "Who wants to be a millionaire" the programs never end. There's a whole channel called Challenge that just puts game shows, so I'm good! Or you can opt for endless episodes of Friends and Frasier and Becker and all those sitcoms. The movies on Sky aren't that great, though, but who cares?! Hardly have time after all the above shows!

Well, now it's almost 8:00 p.m. In a minute Wiss will start asking what I want for dinner, then he (we) will prepare something and after eating, I start drifting off infront of the tv. Poor Wiss, he has to wake me up to go to bed every night. Well, what can I do, I think it's all the medication I'm taking that's making me so sleepy.

Anyway, let's see what we have in the fridge. Any suggestions for something easy to make at the last minute?

ta ta
H

You Think?

You think if I'm getting his stem cells, I'll be as technologically smart as Fadi??? I sure hope so. I had succumbed to my 'internet connection' fate and was going to wait till end of next week to get connected at home, but Fadi wouldn't have it. He kept looking for ways to provide me with some sort of immediate connection, at least until Broadband came through. So, here we are, some dial-up freebie that's a bit slow but will do the job. All together now: THANKS FADI!!!!!

It's my last week of 'freedom'! I go in next Sunday, ya mama! I should be in for a good 4 to 6 weeks! I hope all goes well. I am a bit anxious and as the date approaches, I feel more and more apprehensive. I'm mostly worried about the radiation part, which is the first part, basically because I'm new to it, although I've been told I won't feel a thing. It's just huge to have your whole body wizzed!

Meena, my niece is coming over for the weekend. So is Lara, my friend. So it's gonna be a busy weekend! Must go clean the house and get some groceries.

See you later,
mwah,

H

Quickly Quickly!

Quickly before they shut me off. I'm at the library again and I only have a few minutes to write (I got stuck on facebook and other mail checking and stuff, Surrey!)

All here is fine. It's Sunday today, so quiet day. We bought the Sunday newspaper so that's gonna take a couple of hours to read! Yesterday Wiss, Meena (my niece) and I went to London and visited some art galleries. It was fun and a nice change form good ol' Sutton.

yalla, i g2g.
catch u tomoro maybe

mwah
H