Time for A REALITY CHECK!

It's been six months since I arrived in Sutton.
It's been five months since I underwent my bone marrow transplant.
It's been three months since Zeena arrived in Sutton for treatment.
It's been one month since I started reducing the medications.
It's been one hell of a bumpy ride!!!

So far, I still haven't recovered completely. My feet are still swollen and they hurt. My energy levels aren't as high as they used to be. My patience runs out very quickly, and my concentration levels aren't up to their usual norm. I am tired, sick of ALL this. I want to move on, get on with my life. I want to have the energy to care for Zee and be with her and help her, and not feel sick whenever she does, or hate to go to the hospital whenever she needs to go cuz I couldn't stand the smell of it any longer.

As you can probably tell, the last few days have not been very pleasant. First, on Monday, my doc told me there was a test he needed me to repeat just to make sure of something. That, of course, made me worried and had me ask a million questions, one of which was if I might get the cancer back and would have to go through the whole thing again. His answer was 'yes, it is possible, but not in this case now' which made my stomach churn and grind.
REALITY CHECK: I am still sick. I am a sick person. I may relapse any day. I have no control of my life!!!

Then, the next day, Zee was feeling very sick and was vomiting ALL day. She was whining and crying with pain which made me feel helpless and at the same time enraged. We had to take her to hospital and give her some intraveneous meds before she started feeling a bit better. It wasn't until well into Wednesday that her whining stopped and her smile returned.
REALITY CHECK: my five-year old daughter is sick, and she will be for a while, and I dunno if I can walk that way one more time.

Today, after cooking and shopping and the usual bologne, I called Home Office to check on my passport. I had sent it to have my visa extended. I was told that my application was still 'in progress' and that it usually takes 4 to 14 weeks to return the passports!!! You can imagine how I felt since I was planning to leave for Beirut next week! There's nothing I can do really, except stop the application and retrieve the passport at least 'ten working days later' (and of course, lose the money).
REALITY CHECK: I am stuck with no passport and no idea when I can return home and there's nothing I can do about it.

So, you have an idea of how I feel now. Oh, and earlier today, I had lost my credit card, which enraged me cuz I hardly ever lose anything. I usually know exactly where everything is.
REALITY CHECK: shit happens!

Ah, and to top this ALL up, BA told me I couldn't use my tickets to return to Beirut cuz they were void, given that I 'hadn't shown up' on the specified date in February. How the heck was I supposed to show up when I was busy between hospital wards and bottles of medicine?! Plus, noone had told me I had to call if I couldn't show up, and I was told I had bought 'open tickets'. Open tickets my ...
REALITY CHECK: I have to buy three new tickets!

Baseeta, killo mnee7, as long as health is good AND I get my passport soon.
Hamdillah again for ALL. It could have been much worse. I just dunno how much more I can handle. I'm sure, rather hopeful, that my luck will turn around soon and I will get to live a 'normal', boring life, with work worries and routine and kids' nagging and all the lovely stuff that come with it!

A good friend of mine told me that people in my situation come out of it either more religious, or more philosophical or totally insane! I think I fall in the last category here! Or at least I am on my way there.

insanely,
halalouloulaaaaahhhh