HAPPY HALAWEEEEEEN!!!

Hey guys, it's me again. I have made it to the library! Imagine, moi, at the library! I must be sick! Anyway, it's the only place with free (or not free) internet around here. Considering the size of Sutton, the library is HUGE!!!! and the floor I'm on has like some 100 computers for people to use for 45 mins (u can add another 45 "if there's no cue!".

So, it's Halloween tonight, or Halaween?! Normally I'd have been baking cookies in the form of skeletons and pumpkins and vats, rats, and bats. However, since I find myself Suttonly in Sutton, I will have to settle for a machine-made cookie from M&S, or maybe a little pumpkin pie! (Tammy, I will have the scones too, not to worry!)
Christina, tks for the pub list. I know some of them, and we've already tried The Cock and Bull with Fadi and Cyba. Interesting concept, the English pub, soooo, English!!!

As for the rest of u lovely people who have not stopped reading my blog, thank u, love u, keep reading and commenting. pretty soon i will be 'under the knife' so let's make the best of this now!

I had a few tests done yesterday at the hospital and tomoro I am having a 3 in 1 combo!!! A bone marrow aspirate, an LP, and insertion of a Hickman (central) line. Yippee! They want to sedate me for that, double yippee!!! I tried to tell them that never b4 was i sedated for these procedures, but they prefer it that way, so gr8, bring on the drugs!!!

Oh, and I finally have a land line and SKY TV! They connected them yesterday. Now I can watch as many channels as I want and not just BBC 1 ,2, 3, 4... (However, I found myself turning back to 'Eggheads'!!!) You do get addicted to them.

Tayyeb guys, I shall leave you now and go check my mail, if u don't mind.

from freezing Sutton, I give you my best,

mwah
Hala

I am sooooooo Surrey!!!!

Hey guys, it's me. I'm back. Well, not yet, really, I've popped into the hotel to use their connection. noone but them and the library give u that, and the latter is closed today!
Sutton is lovely, and the apartment we found as Fadi said (tks fadi) is just wonderful. thank God everything is falling into place.

I don't start my treatment before the 15th of November, but I have a few tests to take starting tomoro so I'll start to get the feeling of how it will be. All in all it seems very cool. It's a relaxed system, a bit too much if u ask me, but I guess they know what they're doing!

Otherwise, I am spending my days with Wisso, buying some stuff for the house, playing 'beit byout'! washing dishes, doing laundry... thank God for Marks & Spencer's, or else I would have had to cook too!!!

Fadi and Cyba were here but left already. We had a great time together. They will be back in a couple of weeks for the treatment (at least Fadi better be or there will be no treatment!).

Yalla gotta go now. I will get my internet connection at home end of next week hopefully (everything takes time here) so I will be updating u more often inshallah.

meanwhile, keep thinking of me and praying for me.
love u all
hala

Greetings from Sutton!

Hello form Surrey, ah Sorry, Sutton, Surrey, yes, Sorry, Sutton! We are finally in Sutton, Surrey. We arrived here Sunday and have been running around from hotel to hospital to high street ever since. The town is actually very nice and cosy, with all shops u might think of (even TopShop!) and a whole lot of cute restaurants and greenery and a park and and and...
We are looking for an apartment to rent (can't tell u what a 'kartheh' the hotel is!) since we will be staying for quite a while.

We met the doc on Monday and again today, and he explained the whole procedure to us. He seems very nice and efficient, so I'm kinda relieved. We started undergoing tests, Fadi and I. they must have taken about 20 blood tubes from each of us! We have a few days off from hospital before I go in for some outpatient procedures next week, so perhaps we will be going in to London for some 'fun'!

It turns out there is internet connection at the hospital, so, yay, i will hopefully keep u updated.

I'm off to bed now, loooooong day. Will catch u soon for more details.

mwah,
H

Here it goes!

Well, guys, sorry haven't written in a while, but I have been finalising my trip to England. I leave Sunday, have an appointment with the doc on Monday and then we'll see what happens from there. He might keep me there for a few days, weeks or months! So, as u can probably feel with me, these few past days haven't been a piece of cake at all!

I'm scared, apprehensive, angry, sad, shivering,... everything! I am trying to take it step by step, but it's tough. Yesterday mom introduced me to Mr. Lexotanil !!! It kinda calmed my shaking body, but I don't know how far I can take it. I'm not one to pop pills right, left and centre, but yesterday, I needed it!

Cyba is coming to Beirut tonight so we can all go together tomoro (with wiss), and fadi is meeting us at Heathrow, then we all drive down together to Surrey. I wish I could at least look forward to seeing London. Maybe when i get there and talk to the doc and he tells us what exactly will be done, perhaps then I can relax and enjoy a little UK.

Ok, people, wish me luck. Hope all goes well and start praying.

love,

Hala

The making of Mish Maamoul in pix!

Sorry guys, that's the only picture I could upload tonight. Connection too slow! So, we made the Mish Maamoul in full family tradition. Even Wiss chipped in! They turned out yummy. It was fun seeing Zee stick the pistachios on the cookies (many fell off, hehe!!!) Yalla, a demain. mwah, Hala.

Mish Maamouououououl!!!

HAPPY EID, YAY YAY YAY. MAAMOUL B JOZ, MAAMOUL B FISTO2, MAAMOUL B TAMER, CHOCOLAT, KNAFEH, 7ILOU MSHAKKAL, KOL W SHKOR...etc.
It's the Eid, and unfortunately, I got to spend it at home (or my parents'), behind a mask, eating none of these yummies and coming close to no fresh fruits or veggies! AND napping in afternoons, eeeewwwww!!! I even managed to have an interlude at the hospital yesterday, and for a 10 min procedure, I had to spend 3 1/2 hours there! keef hal nizam?!

But, MAALEESH, I am planning to celebrate it again tomorrow (if the counts shoot up!) I shall make some of my 'mish maamoul', (as in mish maamoul shoo taybeen!!!) and feast on them!!! (This feed yourself strong is really getting interesting! Last night, I asked mom to send me some dessert for after dinner, I got a bowl of mhalabbiyeh, a bowl of mughli, and a bowl of custartd! Midnight Feast!) (The decadron is not making it easy either, u crave sweets on it).

Today, after having not slept most of the night (too many thoughts going around in my head in preparation for my departure end of month), I was in the kitchen at 8:30, decorated a 'football' cake and some 'engagement' cookies and now here I am writing to you, waiting for mom to call to see what the plan is today. We might venture an open-air restaurant since it's Sunday and it's practically still Eid and I am feeling better.

Keep you posted,
have a nice day everyone,
mwah,
Hala

Oh, Where Have You Been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

Oh, where have you been, charming Billy? (he answers): I have been to seek a wife, she's the joy of my life, she's a young thing who sth sth sth... (Does anyone know the end of the sentence? something like,) she's a young thing who cannot leave her mother?!

Mother, habibti! Just having her next to my bedside makes me feel everything's gonna be ok. Although she hasn't been able to be around much this time (back problems!) I know she is with me and praying for me and that she won't let anything hurt me!

Where have I been since Sunday? Getting accustomed to being at home! Monday was tough. Tuesday better. Visited my 'friends' at Faire Face: A lovely group of ladies in support of people with cancer. They were nice and 'supportive'. We chatted for a while then I went down to the ahweh for some fresh air, however too hot and humid, but ok.

Today, an LP was scheduled for 10:00 a.m. (LP= the prick in the back). However, upon arrival at hospital, we found out that I needed 2 units of blood for my RBCs were loooow. I hadn't felt any weakness, that's why I felt extra pissed off when I learned that they had to admit me, and that I couldn't take it in the outpatient ward! So, there I was, room 920, for ten frickin' hours! Baseeta, I'm home now, hamdillah. And I can truly say: HOME SWEET HOME!

Home Sweet Home? Ya3ni!

Hey guys. I'm back home, yay! yay? tayyeb yay. I left AUH around 11:00 this morning with the usual anxiety of leaving hospital, plus the fear of knowing that I might be back sooner than I thought cuz my RBCs aren't that high, for u lay men out there, it means I might need to go back for blood pretty soon. I wish he'd given me some today. At least I'd be more alive!

Anyways, off to mom's I went to see the kids and have lunch. Then after a quiet nap there, I came back home AND helped decorate some cookies! Then some tv and some more cookies and internet action! Then Neuppo shots, dinner, more tv and here I am.

Thank you all for ur jokes. hehe. Tammy dahling, got nada from u! Rima, Frances, Reem keep them coming. Mo, I was at AUH, but I guess u got that from hello! Lyn babes, those blue chairs are for the BMT unit only. Not at all comfy. Ask Wiss, he'd rather sleep on 5 pillows on the floor than risk a backache from that chair! Fawzan, Maya can type?! Wow, Zee is lagging behind! Ayb! Shoo, waynak? Hallmark must be running out of e-cards!

So, what to do tomoro provided the counts are still fine and I don't need a visit to the Count? If there's energy, perhaps I'll work a bit. I need to figure out how the business is gonna keep going when I'm gone. I mean it is now, but must be more organized. we'll see.

Ramadan is coming to an end. I was never a "faster" but I love the 'jaww'. I wish I could go for a drive and watch people in cafes having fun and eating and smoking their hubbly-bubblies. I wish i could eat a man2ousheh at zaatar and zeit after midnight if I'm not already exhausted. I wish I could go have some 'sahlab' at that '3antabli' in Mar Elias. You think I could do that tomoro if all's well? Maybe not. Perhaps I'd opt for the homemade stuff and just go for a 'voyeurisme' drive!

Yalla, let's hope for a better day tomoro.
mwah,

H

Yeuh!

Shoo hayda, can't a gal miss one day of post? Imagine I had no time to write last night, except for the inside comment in the last entry! I was bombarded with visitors, which was actually nice for a change. The day, unlike the previous one passed really quickly, so I didn't feel that bored. I still had some time in the pm to research more hospitals for the BMT. We are still stuck between France and England, with a small possibility of the US still looming in the background (don't tell Cyba and Fadi, they'll kill me for even thinking it!).

Today is a quiet day so far. Almost failed TM session, breakfast, shower, computer, tv, chemo (today I get the orange Mirinda chemo, yummy! the one that lets the rest of my hair fall, so say goodbye to my lashes and brows and and and...,) yalla, inshallah, 24 more hours of this and I'll be going home inshallah. I will be back a couple of times next week for tests and stuff, but maalesh, it'll be good to be home. Hope the Eid is on Saturday so I spend less time here.

Thanks for all who've been praying for me (Mo's wife, esp!).

Lyn, kiss the boys, I am sure they are adorable with their curly hair now!

Tammy, sorry babes, u cannot put Utube here. you'll have to send them to my halabeydoun360@hotmail.com email (also msn address for those who haven't added me there yet) and I'll see them there.

As for the rest of you people, where are you? show me some love!

mwah,

Hala

The Loooooooooooooooongest day ever!

Ok, remember all these pieces of advice you gave me to use while in isolation to spend the time, well, I tried "most" of them today, and guess what, I still had time! So I guess I'll need a lot more things to keep me busy! (note that timings aren't precise since I am forgetful these days!)

Let's try and recap together what I did today.
- woke up at 7:00, had breakfast at 8:00 and tried my luck at meditation (10 min worked).
- Did LP at 9:00, Laid on my back till 10:00. Listened to my i-pod and read my magazine till 11:00.
- Laptop time, blog, mails, website surfing... till around 12. Arrowwords puzzle till around 12:30.
- Some TV and lunch till around 1:30 then bath (finally) and clean room till 2:00.
- Another failed trial at meditation (too many interruptions) till 2:30, I think.
- Did something, Lord Knows what, till 3:00 when mom came, yay!!!!
- Chatted with mom and video conferenced with Cyba, my sis in Dubai, till around 6:15!!!
- Wiss came at 6:00. We discussed more hospital options till 7:00. Then I had dinner till 7:30.
- Then Lara and Nayla came and we discussed the kitchen plan and hospitals again.
- Checked mails and blog and stuff again.
- Lara and Nay left at 10:30 and here I am writing this entry at 10:32!!! and the day ain't over yet!!!!!!!
- So, I guess now I'll watch some tv and drift off, hoping tomoro will pass a bit faster than today.

Now imagine 45 days of this. AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

"Good night princes and princesses of Maine" (The Cider House Rules)
mwah,

hala

Transcendental Medication!!!

I've been told by many that I should seek different means of relaxation and getting my mind off the illness. A close friend of mine, bless her (!), took me to to Transcendental Meditation. Although it worked there and was quite relaxing, I'm still findind difficulty succeeding on my own. I was trying hard to concentrate on my 'mantra' this morning when Wiss took a photo and turned it into this! (of course waking me from my attempt and ruining it for good!)

I am at AUH now. Did the aspirate. It hurt, yay! It is supposed to hurt, otherwise it's no good. How ironic is that? Started chemo 3 just now. So far so good, hamdillah.

There is something definitely wrong in the hospital's kitchen today. They have been messing up the trays. Some are missing stuff, others have extra stuff... Not that the food here is anything to write home about, but at least when you're hungry and read "sambousik" on the paper and can't find it on the tray, u want ur 'sambousik'!!! They just brought in dinner. Roast beef. Allah yistor!

I would really like to thank all of those who sent me jokes. I laughed hard at most of them. Mohammed, yes I rememeber you. And i admire you. Hope to hear from u soon.

Gotta go try and eat this plasticky, brownish thing they brought me. Yalla baseeta, there's always custard!

mwah,

H

History repeating itself :(

Here's a painting Wiss did of me about 4 and a half years ago. Back then, it was a novelty that I had shaved and he'd found it inspiring to paint this and a few other works. Even I was "happy" with the "new look" and was experimenting with different bandanas and head scarves. However, today, I don't feel like wearing anything on my solar panel! I miss my hair. I'm in a real bad mood cuz tomoro I have to go back to hospital. These couple of weeks away at home spoiled me rotten. I got to go out, see friends, eat at my favourite restaurants... Going back tomoro, even if for only a few days, will probably be the hardest thing I've done in a while. Then I remind myself of the 'serenity now' effect of a hospital bed and think, yalla maalesh it'll be ok. But then again I remember the 'pricks' that i have to take these coming few days, and it makes my stomach turn.

Take all of that AND the imminenet BMT that's getting closer and closer, plus the fact that we still dunno where we r going to do it for sure, plus the fact that it is a super serious 'procedure' of which i am scared shitless. Take all that pressure and multiply it by ten, you kinda get the mood I'm in today.

Sorry you have to hear this, but this is my blog, my journal, and i can write whatever i feel like to vent off. And u have chosen to read it so bear with me. Better yet, try and make me feel better! How 'bout you tell a joke? let's see whose joke makes me laugh the hardest. (If you r not good at jokes, a few consoling words would also probably do the job!)

Thank you my dear readers,

u keep me going,

love,

hala