HAPPY FEET!

Serenity of a different kind. That's when you forget everything around you and lose yourself in a song, particularily more gratifying when both of you are "humming to the same tune". I felt so alive that day that i had to record it with my phone for future reference. (Please don't make fun of my toes!)

Talk about pressure!

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening! Hope you are doing well today. (If you are wondering why I'm being so polite, it's cuz I just found out that EYERYONE is reading this blog! And I thought cancer was stressful, huh! The pressure and responsibility of this blog are mounting. What to write? What to write? tick-tock. tick-tock.....
First of all, welcome all you new readers (or is there another name for people who read blogs? Help me out here, blog pioneers). It's wonderful to hear from you guys, Reem, Zena, Dina, ... my God it's been ages. I even got a couple of emails from people I don't even know. very touching, tks for ur kind words and warm wishes. (Nabiha habibti, u must post ur comments here for all to see, hehe.) So, networking, word of mouth, forwarded emails, I don't know what it is but everbody seems to know about this little journal i started. I don't mind, really. bil 3akess, it's very sweet to know how many people care and ask about me. Thanks!

A couple of slow days, seeing friends, going out for drives, I even went out to lunch today. We went to DT and I had a yummy salad (now that the counts are high, I can finally have salad!) and beef brochettes and fries and a dessert. Well, THEY said I have to eat to be strong, so I'm simply following the doctor's orders, hehe!

We are still deciding which hospital to go to. It's a tough decision, and we have to think of a million things, but Inshallah by the end of the week we'll have decided. But wherever it's gonna be, you have to promise me, my dear readers/friends/audience that you will keep in touch with me there and keep me distracted. There will be around 45 days of isolation! Imagine, me, isolation! Ya sater! I don't know how I'll get thru that. I can't even sleep alone for one night! So here's where u come in. for those of you who wish it, you can add me on your msn list, that way we can also chat from time to time. My msn address is halabeydoun360@hotmail.com

Another assignment for you is to find me ways of keeping busy and entertained during these looooong hours and days. i hope i will be up to doing stuff and not too tired. some suggested book tapes. i will try that. i will also go check out meditation tomoro, see if it can help too.

Awaiting your suggestions,
Hope you are having lovely days,
Enjoy every second,
mwah
H

Peek-a-boo!

Scared ya? Well, I'm back, three days later. Sorry bout that, but they've been quite tough. As expected, we went to the ER Sunday morning and it turned out I needed blood AND platelets. In fact the platelets were the lowest they'd ever been (scary, since i could bleed internally). Anyway, I was admitted and had to spend the night and half of Monday there. The thing that pissed me off most was that Sunday was my daughter Amar's birthday and I couldn't spend it with her. Luckily we had done a small celebration the day b4 just in case (Cyba's idea, tks ).
Then the rest of Monday, just like every time I come back home, it takes me a while to feel at ease and and and ya3ni tough Monday. As for today, ya sater, decision day! Very stressful, very intense. I had to decide where I will do the BMT! I don't even want to think about it let alone think of its details. But it has to be done sooner or later. Uuuuuf, soooo difficult.
Then my Big Bro, my donor-to-be took me for a drive in the afternoon. We drove all the way down to Saida. The weather was beautiful and the sea absolutely glorious. Makes you wanna live! It was a good ride.
I received new pictures and comments from some of you. Frances, tks for the posters (I prefer the pink one!). Sarah and Sarah welcome to my blog. You promised to write daily, I will be waiting. Carla, tks habibti for your kind words and support. And to everyone who has been following up on me thru this, whether u write sth or not, I'm just glad I have you behind me! It's a hellavaroughride, but with you guys I somehow feel stronger and more determined! (OK, now I sound as if I am giving an Oscar speech! sorry!) Yalla g'night and God bless. mwah. H

Hilarious! hahahaha!

Look what I just got from yet another stranger/friend. I think it's super funny. What a sense of humour, Sandollar! Tks!

In fact all your comments and artwork (yes, poetry too, Nemr) are just wonderful! I look forward to reading them every morning.

I am finding it difficult to pass the looooong hours of the day, esp now since the counts are low and I can't do much, so if u have any suggestions, something that doesn't require a lot of effort, physical or mental, something fun and light-hearted, pls share. Tammy, tks for the 'series' tip but tried that didn't work. Couldn't concentrate hard enough. Plus, I tried with Gray's Anatomy, not very smart when u r living the situation every day! But what about Brothers and Sisters? what's that? kinda like what? funny, romantic, adventurous??? I am waitibg for the next season of Desperate Housewives to come out. That should keep me lightly entertained!

Yes, the counts are still low, and yes I have survived yet another low day without fever, much to the surprise of my doctor. I hope I prove him wrong again tomoro. I have to go to the ER tomoro for the CBC cuz it's Sunday. Hope all goes well and that they don't leave me there to spend my Sunday away from my family.

How low can you go?

In blood counts, that is. Reeeeeeeeaaaaalllyyy low. WBCs 200. Normally that is cause for concern with doctors cuz u might catch something and get a fever when ur immunity is so low. Hamdillah so far I have been stable like this for 2 days, knock on wood! But i"ve been so bored. can't do much so as not to tire myself, so i lay on the couch watch tv all day, mask on, hardly able to breathe, feeling of "soup in my brain"! But maalesh, I am consciously trying to pass thry this dip without a breakout of fever or a need for a transfusion (which is highly likely tomoro if i keep dipping). That means break the vacation short and go get some blood or platelets at hospital, ya3ni spend a night there.

OOOOf, inshallah la2. wish me luck.
mwah

Poster Girrrrl

I've hijacked Hala's wonderful blog to show this:

Here are all the lovely cards that were created for Hala from her blogging friends displayed on one page. To see the full image, you can click on this link:

http://www.marayagalleries.com/forhalapage.htm

Love from your planet of friends, well-wishers and fans of Hala, MWAHHH!

- Auntie Rima (aka Mart Khalo)

Serenity Now!!!!

There is something ironically serene about a hospital bed. Maybe cuz u feel u r in good hands, maybe it's cuz u know u can nag and get attention immediately, dunno what it is, but I do know that when I was in my hospital bed today, suddenly my anxieties were controlled. Now, why was I at hospital again today (considering I should have been at home for 2 weeks)? LP! Of course, LP, the ugly prick in the back that happens on days 1 and 8 of every cycle. Today's was scheduled beforehand, so Wiss and I headed to AUH at 10:00. The doctor came at 4:00!!! You can imagine my mood, waiting for the pain to arrive. Yet, it was ok. I was relatively calm in "the bed". Hamdilla, it went well and with no pain.

The other doc had also passed by us and delivered more good news on test results, hamdilla again and always. Now that doesn't mean anything is cancelled or changed, just that we have a better chance inshalla. I am not yet ready to talk about the next steps, so let's just leave it at that and go it one step at a time.

The picture I have attached is one of the earlier ones at hospital (no kidding!). I was on morphine then, and still with hair, hehe!

I would really like to thank Everyone who has written and is still writing or contributing to this blog. I would especially like to thank those wild photoshoppers for showing different sides of me. I'm sorry if i couldn't download all the illustrations, i am not that good at this. (Rima said she might help!) I am ecstatic to meet new people here as well as hear from those who have been sharing my life for the past 37 years. Please keep 'em coming. I am counting on all of you.

Absolut Love!

And Bobbie's!!!

And Neda's!

And Rima!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this from Frances, WOW!!!!! Tks!!!!

Ok guys, your turn!

Yes, it is your turn to lift me up today. After a super high day yesterday, I find myself mellowing in the blues, not good! So, I have decided that you my friends are going to write a poem or an ode or something about me, or even draw an illustration or sketch, whatever tickles ur fancy (and mine)! If you cannot upload the pictures or videos or illustrations or whatever, send them to me by email and i will do that. Even if you don't know me enough, LIE!!! Make me look GOOD!!! Can't wait! Yay!!! Mwah.

This just came in from Lina g.

OK hallool. Thanx for answering so promptly!
... hope you are doing fine and enjoying your stay at the 5 star hotel of your choice ... food fed intravernously high on the list of must try plat de jour!...
Enough already ...here is the silly illustration!.
Lina g.

(btw, for those who don't feel this image is familiar, u haven't checked out my website yet, tsk tsk tsk. www.cocoa-and-co.com enjoy, H)

YEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA!!!!

The bone marrow aspirate results came out today. COMPLETE REMISSION!!! (which is great news, btw, if u didn't get that from hello!). The doc wasn't even expecting it from the first session of a relapse. Thank You God! The prayers have been answered. Ramadan Karim!
And guess what, the LP that they performed on me after that felt like a teeeny weeeny pain! Didn't hurt at all, maybe because of all the euphoria. Hamdilla, it's all good!
Right now, I have been paid a vist by none other than "The Count"!!! He brought me 2 units to quench my thirst! yummmmm!!! By the time I gobble them up, It'll be so late at night and I'd be so hyper to sleep, that I think the BMT Unit on the 8th floor at AUH will have a PAAAAARRRTTTTTYY tonight. Come groove with us!
mwah
H

btw, Neda, speaking of yeeeha, every1 here who found out u r in Texas is now making orders for stetsons and cowboy boots! do u ship to Beirut?

Wisso's Keep Walking!!!

Habibi Wissam,

His constant words of inspiration to me, "keep Walking", kinda like Johnnie's, no?! This is the latest illustration to the quote. I love it!!! Enjoy!

Pricks!!!

Needle pricks, of course, what were u thinking??? Let's count them today: blood test prick, IV prick, Central Line prick and bone marrow aspirate prick. Uffffffffffffffffff! Yes, i got a Central Line!!! I feel like the London Underground! What station should I get off at??? A Central line, however, rids me of more pricks, so is on my side! We like the Central Line. The aspirate was a different story. Ouch! But it's good that it hurt, bec it turned out to be wet, which is a very good sign, thank God!
So, chemo starts again tomoro. They couldn't start tonight cuz they need me to pee rivers! so they are hydrating me again and i am visiting the loo every half hour. I guess we're not getting much sleep tonight.

Tomorrow, i go back!

After the weirdest week of experiences, after lead and wax and sand and water and and and... I go back to the second chemo session. Hope it goes as smoothly as the first one. It was very touching the amount of people who tried to send me stuff to eat or drink to become better. Some even melted lead bullets and splashed them in a water bowl on top of my head, yikes! Others did the same with wax, and yet others wanted me to wear a "hijab" around my neck, a collection of prayers in my name, or taste centuries-old sand from Saint Rita or water from Lourdes. No matter what they wanted me to try, it was very touching. i wish it works, though. They all seem to have seen "An Evil Eye!!!" against me. ya sater! Why evil eye? what have i done? Who would want to purposefully hurt anyone like that??? Superstitions??? Dunno!

Yay !!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going home for a week!

September 03

Hallelujahhhh!!!! I finished chemo session one today. After two units of yum yum blood last night, the doc has decided to release me for about a week if all goes well until the next session. that ought to be a nice, but careful change. i miss my house, my bed, my kids (hope they have no cold!) and i have a couple of birthdays to prepare for saturday! the counts are good today, so let's hope they remain so.
September 02

September 04
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair. NOT!!!!
Woke up today with my long hair falling off in strands!!! I realized it was time for that trim. so, off to Dessange i went and Bob ran his magic scissors and cut the whole lot off, well, almost. yalla, baseeta, pretty soon Wiss will have to shave it off for me with his razor. Now comes the fun part of choosing the best headband or matching bandana! yalla, futile, but keeping my mind off the more serious stuff!

i'm going to go up to Broummana to see the girls today. hope i have enough energy for them, habibati. It'll be good to see them and mom and have a nice home-cooked meal.

wish me luck,
mwah
h

Zee opted for the crochet hat!

Poor thing, she freaked out when she first saw me almost "bald", despite mom's preparations and her sisters' encouragements. (Wiss and I had decided to shave it off since it was falling in industrial quantities. but i still have my eyebrows, and a few patches, so it's not that bad yet!)No, really, habibti Zee, she was very brave. soon enough she was hugging and touching my head, preferring the crocheted hat to the bandana... Funny thing kids' emotions! they surpass everything. Loulwa's reaction was, of course, "cool", the teenager that she is. Ammoura was a bit lost, trying to act brave and remembering the last time i had lost my hair and how odd that had made her feel. Thank God, the three girls seem to be ok with it now. i have explained a bit what's going on and have informed them that i would be away more often from home. They understand. They are good girls, habibati. Hope all goes for the best for them.

ALL Revisited!

Well, here I am again. back 4 and a half years later. maalesh, hamdillah, i will get over it again, God willing. This is not a sad entry to this long forgotten blog, but a plea to u my friends to help keep my spirits up throughout this rough time. so whatever fun story u have related to this, pls don't hesitate to send.i will be writing my thoughts, experiences and "fun" musings in the hope of making this a distraction rather than a medical yucky blog. i will also be adding some photos, odes, etc... so anything u might think of u can add.First good news of the week: I've lost 6kgs!!!! Yay! long lives rehydration. mwah Halakemia