HAPPY FEET!

Serenity of a different kind. That's when you forget everything around you and lose yourself in a song, particularily more gratifying when both of you are "humming to the same tune". I felt so alive that day that i had to record it with my phone for future reference. (Please don't make fun of my toes!)

Talk about pressure!

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening! Hope you are doing well today. (If you are wondering why I'm being so polite, it's cuz I just found out that EYERYONE is reading this blog! And I thought cancer was stressful, huh! The pressure and responsibility of this blog are mounting. What to write? What to write? tick-tock. tick-tock.....
First of all, welcome all you new readers (or is there another name for people who read blogs? Help me out here, blog pioneers). It's wonderful to hear from you guys, Reem, Zena, Dina, ... my God it's been ages. I even got a couple of emails from people I don't even know. very touching, tks for ur kind words and warm wishes. (Nabiha habibti, u must post ur comments here for all to see, hehe.) So, networking, word of mouth, forwarded emails, I don't know what it is but everbody seems to know about this little journal i started. I don't mind, really. bil 3akess, it's very sweet to know how many people care and ask about me. Thanks!

A couple of slow days, seeing friends, going out for drives, I even went out to lunch today. We went to DT and I had a yummy salad (now that the counts are high, I can finally have salad!) and beef brochettes and fries and a dessert. Well, THEY said I have to eat to be strong, so I'm simply following the doctor's orders, hehe!

We are still deciding which hospital to go to. It's a tough decision, and we have to think of a million things, but Inshallah by the end of the week we'll have decided. But wherever it's gonna be, you have to promise me, my dear readers/friends/audience that you will keep in touch with me there and keep me distracted. There will be around 45 days of isolation! Imagine, me, isolation! Ya sater! I don't know how I'll get thru that. I can't even sleep alone for one night! So here's where u come in. for those of you who wish it, you can add me on your msn list, that way we can also chat from time to time. My msn address is halabeydoun360@hotmail.com

Another assignment for you is to find me ways of keeping busy and entertained during these looooong hours and days. i hope i will be up to doing stuff and not too tired. some suggested book tapes. i will try that. i will also go check out meditation tomoro, see if it can help too.

Awaiting your suggestions,
Hope you are having lovely days,
Enjoy every second,
mwah
H

Peek-a-boo!

Scared ya? Well, I'm back, three days later. Sorry bout that, but they've been quite tough. As expected, we went to the ER Sunday morning and it turned out I needed blood AND platelets. In fact the platelets were the lowest they'd ever been (scary, since i could bleed internally). Anyway, I was admitted and had to spend the night and half of Monday there. The thing that pissed me off most was that Sunday was my daughter Amar's birthday and I couldn't spend it with her. Luckily we had done a small celebration the day b4 just in case (Cyba's idea, tks ).
Then the rest of Monday, just like every time I come back home, it takes me a while to feel at ease and and and ya3ni tough Monday. As for today, ya sater, decision day! Very stressful, very intense. I had to decide where I will do the BMT! I don't even want to think about it let alone think of its details. But it has to be done sooner or later. Uuuuuf, soooo difficult.
Then my Big Bro, my donor-to-be took me for a drive in the afternoon. We drove all the way down to Saida. The weather was beautiful and the sea absolutely glorious. Makes you wanna live! It was a good ride.
I received new pictures and comments from some of you. Frances, tks for the posters (I prefer the pink one!). Sarah and Sarah welcome to my blog. You promised to write daily, I will be waiting. Carla, tks habibti for your kind words and support. And to everyone who has been following up on me thru this, whether u write sth or not, I'm just glad I have you behind me! It's a hellavaroughride, but with you guys I somehow feel stronger and more determined! (OK, now I sound as if I am giving an Oscar speech! sorry!) Yalla g'night and God bless. mwah. H

Hilarious! hahahaha!

Look what I just got from yet another stranger/friend. I think it's super funny. What a sense of humour, Sandollar! Tks!

In fact all your comments and artwork (yes, poetry too, Nemr) are just wonderful! I look forward to reading them every morning.

I am finding it difficult to pass the looooong hours of the day, esp now since the counts are low and I can't do much, so if u have any suggestions, something that doesn't require a lot of effort, physical or mental, something fun and light-hearted, pls share. Tammy, tks for the 'series' tip but tried that didn't work. Couldn't concentrate hard enough. Plus, I tried with Gray's Anatomy, not very smart when u r living the situation every day! But what about Brothers and Sisters? what's that? kinda like what? funny, romantic, adventurous??? I am waitibg for the next season of Desperate Housewives to come out. That should keep me lightly entertained!

Yes, the counts are still low, and yes I have survived yet another low day without fever, much to the surprise of my doctor. I hope I prove him wrong again tomoro. I have to go to the ER tomoro for the CBC cuz it's Sunday. Hope all goes well and that they don't leave me there to spend my Sunday away from my family.

How low can you go?

In blood counts, that is. Reeeeeeeeaaaaalllyyy low. WBCs 200. Normally that is cause for concern with doctors cuz u might catch something and get a fever when ur immunity is so low. Hamdillah so far I have been stable like this for 2 days, knock on wood! But i"ve been so bored. can't do much so as not to tire myself, so i lay on the couch watch tv all day, mask on, hardly able to breathe, feeling of "soup in my brain"! But maalesh, I am consciously trying to pass thry this dip without a breakout of fever or a need for a transfusion (which is highly likely tomoro if i keep dipping). That means break the vacation short and go get some blood or platelets at hospital, ya3ni spend a night there.

OOOOf, inshallah la2. wish me luck.
mwah

Poster Girrrrl

I've hijacked Hala's wonderful blog to show this:

Here are all the lovely cards that were created for Hala from her blogging friends displayed on one page. To see the full image, you can click on this link:

http://www.marayagalleries.com/forhalapage.htm

Love from your planet of friends, well-wishers and fans of Hala, MWAHHH!

- Auntie Rima (aka Mart Khalo)

Serenity Now!!!!

There is something ironically serene about a hospital bed. Maybe cuz u feel u r in good hands, maybe it's cuz u know u can nag and get attention immediately, dunno what it is, but I do know that when I was in my hospital bed today, suddenly my anxieties were controlled. Now, why was I at hospital again today (considering I should have been at home for 2 weeks)? LP! Of course, LP, the ugly prick in the back that happens on days 1 and 8 of every cycle. Today's was scheduled beforehand, so Wiss and I headed to AUH at 10:00. The doctor came at 4:00!!! You can imagine my mood, waiting for the pain to arrive. Yet, it was ok. I was relatively calm in "the bed". Hamdilla, it went well and with no pain.

The other doc had also passed by us and delivered more good news on test results, hamdilla again and always. Now that doesn't mean anything is cancelled or changed, just that we have a better chance inshalla. I am not yet ready to talk about the next steps, so let's just leave it at that and go it one step at a time.

The picture I have attached is one of the earlier ones at hospital (no kidding!). I was on morphine then, and still with hair, hehe!

I would really like to thank Everyone who has written and is still writing or contributing to this blog. I would especially like to thank those wild photoshoppers for showing different sides of me. I'm sorry if i couldn't download all the illustrations, i am not that good at this. (Rima said she might help!) I am ecstatic to meet new people here as well as hear from those who have been sharing my life for the past 37 years. Please keep 'em coming. I am counting on all of you.