Halakemia!!!

The Only Way is Up!

2008-05-22T16:05:00.004+03:00

Six months post transplant and things are already looking up. I celebrated my birthday with family and close friends a couple of days ago (thanks for ALL the wishes!) and ever since then everything seems to fall in place. The Lebanese have finally agreed to agree. I am getting better by the day. Zee is doing well with her treatment. AND David Cook has won American Idol!!! What else can I possibly ask for?

Yes, I am finally home. Yes, I saw the sea, and smelled the gardenas, and felt the warmth of the sun, and tasted the hommos, and heard the bombs! There's no place like home.

Lord knows what He has in store for me next, but meanwhile, I shall live each day to the fullest. I shall be thankful and appreciative of ALL the good things around me. I shall look forward to every sunset and impatiently await every sunrise. I shall hope and pray for a quick and painless recovery for Zee and I shall spend more time with people who mean the world to me.

Goodbye princes and princesses,
Till we meet again (or till I get another inspiring idea to add to this blog!)

love u tons,
mwah,

Hala

STOP...<<... REWIND...<<... PLAY

2008-05-16T10:20:00.003+03:00

YAAAAYYYYYYY!!!! I'm going HOME!!!!! YAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!! YAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!

After ten days of having arrived in Beirut, I am actually going home to stay for good, inshallah. I will finally enjoy my couch. I will finally feel the warmth of 'home'. I will finally see my friends and go to the places I miss so much. I hope. I hope I hope. (unless They have more surprises in store for us!)
I am not complaining, though. These past ten days at mom's have been very uplifting, regardless of what was going on outside. We had good 'quality time', good food!, good conversations, good hugs, good care, etc... It's as if I was in "pause" mode, preparing myself for the new ME, the new life, the new challenges.

I will not say much more today. I just want to share with you a prayer I got by email today from a very close friend/relative. (I don't usually pass these on, but this one touched me deeply, so here it is)

GOD WANTS ME TO TELL YOU

Everything that is going wrong in your life today shall be well with you this year. You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year. For the remaining months of this year (2008), all your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance. Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows, and pains because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down.

To that I say, AMEN!!! Ya rabb! Ya rabb! Ya rabb! So, pray with me, to whichever god u believe in, that these words actually do come true for me and Zee and you and ALL your loved ones!

On that note,

Cheers!!!!

Home Away From Home!!!

2008-05-10T11:37:00.002+03:00

Oui, I am home! I had a lovely, warm welcoming, with huge fireworks and lit streets and some kinda 'magic' in the air! We arrived at the airport in Beirut around 8:00 pm last Wednesday, right in the midst of all the frenzy! Noone was allowed to enter the premises, so some friends had to go to hell and back to get us out of there safely. Hamdillah, about an hour and a half or so later, we arrived to our house. The minute I stepped in, a wave of warmth swept ALL over me! I had forgotten how coulourful and cozy my house was. I immediately felt relief, regardless of what was going on outside. And a lot was going on outside!

The next day was even worse. We only managed to go to the hospital to see Zeena's new doctor, the one who will be taking care of her from now on. We took an appointment for next week, and hopefully she will resume her treatment on Thursday (according to the same British Protocol).

At night, the situation around us became very annoying. The girls were scared of the sounds, and we were worried about what might happen. So, we packed a bag and planned to leave for Broummana; however, we couldn't leave the house. We were surrounded by militiamen who weren't letting anyone go out or into the area.

Yesterday, it was sort of quieter, so mom and dad passed by us and we followed them ALL the way up to Broummana. We are there now. It's frustrating for me, I must say. I still feel that I am a prisoner, although I must be thankful that I am safe and with my whole family. I would have gone crazy had I been stuck in Sutton with no way back to my girls!

And to top it ALL, it's COLD!!!!! Yes, VERY COLD!!!! I was looking forward to the sun and the beach and the t-shirts! Well, I guess that'll have to wait a while. Maalesh, inshallah this thing will be over soon, and I can go back home, to my bed, to my sofa, to my sea and my sun.

Thanks to ALL those who sent emails and messages asking about us in this silly 'war'. Sorry couldn't reply earlier, but had no internet connection in Beirut. Welcome back!!!

later dudes,
Hala

And it lingers...

2008-05-03T23:50:00.002+03:00

The SUN, that is. Hamdillah, we finally had a WARM, sunny day today. We took advantage of the weather and went to London probably for the last time this season. So, we took the "last train to London" around 11:00 and headed to High Street Kensington for some shopping. After about an hour, we decided it was too lovely a day to spend like that, so, we headed to Chelsea Farmers' Market for lunch. We sat OUTSIDE, in the sun. Hallelujah! Then, after that we headed to Duke of York Square on The King's Road, a wonderful new space with shops, restaurants, cafes, live music and a food market. It was great to be out and about, mingling with ALL the Londoners, none of whom is actually British! The only downfall to the whole trip were the Lebanese girls we saw at the restaurant. You could spot them from a mile. They ALL look the same, they have puffed up lips and blondish hair, big designer handbags and a snubbish attitude! What a pity that this is how we present to the world!

Anyway, to wrap up a really nice day, we took Zee to Hyde Park to feed the ducks in the lake. However, Zee was very surprised when the ducks didn't eat her 'crisps', hehe. We just lay there, drinking in the warmth, bidding farewell to this wonderful city, and probably this 'lucky' weather!

A week ago, I couldn't wait to get back home. Now, I kinda feel bad that I am. Actually, not bad, but sad. London's been good to me. It has witnessed (and facilitated) my rebirth. Yes, I have TWO birthdays now. Do you think they will give me a British passport??? I don't think so!

London, or Sutton in London, has become my second home. I sure am going to miss it. I'm going to miss the 'bloody' English, and their weird sense of humour, and their excessive politeness, and their technology, and their and their and their... Yalla, baseeta. Thank God I need to come back for check-ups every three months! Isn't it ironic that I only got to enjoy London right before I left it? (Oh, did I mention I'm going home in FOUR days?????) YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!

Here's to more visits to London, free of headaches and worries and bad weather, hopefully.

mwah,

halalujah!!!!!

Here Comes the Sun...

2008-04-28T23:33:00.004+03:00

Everybody sing along now, "Here comes the sun, little darling. Here comes the sun, and I say: It's ALLright, ta ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra...
You can tell from my new sunglasses and the smile on MY FACE that the sun has finally arrived in good ol' Sutton! And I'm not just talking about the hot star! I feel much better than I did when I wrote my last blog entry. Actually I want to thank ALL those who commented and emailed and called to support me and give me an extra push. I also want to thank those who called to scold me and shake me into the 'Real Reality', which is that I really have come very far and I thank God (and Potter) everyday for that. I am also very lucky to have family and friends supporting me and Wiss and Zee beside me guiding me through it, even if Zee has the misfortune to experience some hardships along the way. Issokay, we will pull through. We will keep walking side by side, and we will overcome ALL hurdles, God willing.

For those who were wondering, the test results came out today. They were excellent, hamdillah. 100% donor cells. Way to go Fadi!!! Yaaaayyy!!! The doc is very happy with me and has stopped 2 more medications AND has allowed me to go home!!! (Oh and he assured me that I will no longer be fertile, so hurrah for unprotected sex!!! Yaaaayyyy!) (Now, you didn't really need to know that! Sorry, mom, dad!!!)

But that'll have to wait a little bit, cuz after a couple of hours on the phone with Home Office, I finally withdrew my application and asked them to post back my passport cuz that was the only way I could get back home in this century! I lost the fee, toz. I will have to get a visa for my next visit from Beirut, baseeta. Hopefully it'll go well and ALL will be fine. So, fingers crossed, I am hoping to be back in "Ten working days"!!!! (mind you, just to add to my misery, Monday is bank holiday, and thus doesn't count! {that's for those of you who have started calculating dates!!}) Aiming for mid May, people, ceteris paribus. (is that how they spell it?)

On a brighter note, Zee is also feeling much better, habibti. Her counts are better today, and she is hyper hyper! She even ate the eggplant dish I cooked for us for lunch!

Now, before I retire to my highly uncomfortable bed, I just really want to thank those 'fans' or 'groupies' or 'newly-acquired friends' whom I have never met (or haven't seen in ages) and who have been supporting me throughout this journey. Your comments have made a big difference in my fight against this horrible, merciless illness! Thank you. I love you ALL!!!!!!!

nighty night,
mwah
H

Time for A REALITY CHECK!

2008-04-24T22:11:00.004+03:00

It's been six months since I arrived in Sutton.
It's been five months since I underwent my bone marrow transplant.
It's been three months since Zeena arrived in Sutton for treatment.
It's been one month since I started reducing the medications.
It's been one hell of a bumpy ride!!!

So far, I still haven't recovered completely. My feet are still swollen and they hurt. My energy levels aren't as high as they used to be. My patience runs out very quickly, and my concentration levels aren't up to their usual norm. I am tired, sick of ALL this. I want to move on, get on with my life. I want to have the energy to care for Zee and be with her and help her, and not feel sick whenever she does, or hate to go to the hospital whenever she needs to go cuz I couldn't stand the smell of it any longer.

As you can probably tell, the last few days have not been very pleasant. First, on Monday, my doc told me there was a test he needed me to repeat just to make sure of something. That, of course, made me worried and had me ask a million questions, one of which was if I might get the cancer back and would have to go through the whole thing again. His answer was 'yes, it is possible, but not in this case now' which made my stomach churn and grind.
REALITY CHECK: I am still sick. I am a sick person. I may relapse any day. I have no control of my life!!!

Then, the next day, Zee was feeling very sick and was vomiting ALL day. She was whining and crying with pain which made me feel helpless and at the same time enraged. We had to take her to hospital and give her some intraveneous meds before she started feeling a bit better. It wasn't until well into Wednesday that her whining stopped and her smile returned.
REALITY CHECK: my five-year old daughter is sick, and she will be for a while, and I dunno if I can walk that way one more time.

Today, after cooking and shopping and the usual bologne, I called Home Office to check on my passport. I had sent it to have my visa extended. I was told that my application was still 'in progress' and that it usually takes 4 to 14 weeks to return the passports!!! You can imagine how I felt since I was planning to leave for Beirut next week! There's nothing I can do really, except stop the application and retrieve the passport at least 'ten working days later' (and of course, lose the money).
REALITY CHECK: I am stuck with no passport and no idea when I can return home and there's nothing I can do about it.

So, you have an idea of how I feel now. Oh, and earlier today, I had lost my credit card, which enraged me cuz I hardly ever lose anything. I usually know exactly where everything is.
REALITY CHECK: shit happens!

Ah, and to top this ALL up, BA told me I couldn't use my tickets to return to Beirut cuz they were void, given that I 'hadn't shown up' on the specified date in February. How the heck was I supposed to show up when I was busy between hospital wards and bottles of medicine?! Plus, noone had told me I had to call if I couldn't show up, and I was told I had bought 'open tickets'. Open tickets my ...
REALITY CHECK: I have to buy three new tickets!

Baseeta, killo mnee7, as long as health is good AND I get my passport soon.
Hamdillah again for ALL. It could have been much worse. I just dunno how much more I can handle. I'm sure, rather hopeful, that my luck will turn around soon and I will get to live a 'normal', boring life, with work worries and routine and kids' nagging and all the lovely stuff that come with it!

A good friend of mine told me that people in my situation come out of it either more religious, or more philosophical or totally insane! I think I fall in the last category here! Or at least I am on my way there.

insanely,
halalouloulaaaaahhhh

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WISSOOOOOO!!!!!

2008-04-20T21:28:00.002+03:00

ALL together now, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Wisso, happy birthday to you!!!!" Yeaaaaahhhh, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE.

Yes, it's Wissam's birthday today, and yes, we celebrated it in Sutton! Luckily, we saw some sun today (after a week of freezing cold wind and rain), so we went to the Chinese restaurant round the corner and had a mediocre lunch with a so-so bottle of wine! Then in the afternoon Zee brought in the cake (a store-bought M&S one, thank God for M&S) which she had chosen herself. Dad was 'surprised' and loved his present (the 'I love Sutton' t-shirt!)

Wissam really does love Sutton!!! Well, he loves England as a whole now. We have converted him, the Frenchie!!! He can't imagine going back to chaotic Beirut. He says he wants to apply for assylum!

To be honest, I am quite worried about going back, too. I mean I can't wait for it to happen, hopefully beginning May, but I am kinda nervous, or anxious, about returning to a 'normal' life and ALL the responsibilities that come along with that. Yalla, maalesh, slowly slowly, ALL will be fine, inshallah. Tomorrow I see the doc again, and hopefully I will get a clearer picture of my situation and the date of our return. Will keep u posted (no pun intended, hehe!!!)

Mwah,

Hala

The Loooong & Winding road...

2008-04-11T22:09:00.002+03:00

[Just a few minutes ago, while I was uploading these photos, I accidentally pressed the 'publish post' button and the pictures went on the blog without a text. By the time I had realised what had happened, two people had already posted a comment, not quite understanding what those photos meant. Tamara and Cristina, so sorry for this mishap! My bad! (But Tam, I must say, you have some imagination!!!)]

Yes, I feel I am in 'rodage' mode! I have absolutely no idea what that means in English, but it's a sign new cars (or new-engine cars) used to put on their back windshield window (do we call it that???) to tell people to take it easy on them cuz they can't go fast. "Rodage" cars also cannot go up mountain roads, or go long distances without a rest... hehe. Sounds like me, eh??? Alas, cars nowadays don't go through this 'rodage' phase due to (or shall I say thanks to) some technological achievement in the car industry which I know nothing about. I believe people (or cars) sometimes need to take their time. So, I thought I'd pay homage to a childhood 'experience', some extinct six-letter word that takes one from a state to another, from poorly to healthy, from so-so to 'finally normal'. Rodage, I am ALL yours. Take me there. And hurry... hehe!

Cheers,
H

Ever since the doc started reducing my meds, my immunity has been playing up on me. I feel a bit tired and my feet are swollen. I even caught a nasty cold that left me kinda down and angry again. But, issokay, slowly slowly, we'll get there, inshallah. I have to be off all medication before they let me go home again, and this is exactly why. They want to make sure I am strong enough to continue on my own. So, hopefully I'll get stronger and break out of this cell early next month.

Relaxxxxxxxxxxx!!!!

2008-04-04T21:29:00.007+03:00

This is what we do while waiting for the doctor!!!

TV GALORE!!!

2008-03-31T22:53:00.002+03:00

Who Wants To Be an American Idol, Friends??? So You Think You are Smarter Than A 10-Year Old??? Go on, take the Challenge, or is it too much of a Distraction??? That 70's Show you always talk about is way Becker than any Two and a Half men!

Yes, folks, I've been watching way too much TV! Dunno if that's good or bad anymore, since it's kept me going throughout this ordeal. So, let's see what you think. I want you ALL to continue the sentence:

TOO MUCH TV IS ...

Let's see who comes up with the most original sentence!
Looking forward to reading you!

Let me go watch my programs now,
Love you ALL,
Laha (Well, actually Hala, but the L's were looking so nice under each other I figured, what the heck! ; )

Look Who's Here!!!!!

2008-03-22T23:46:00.002+02:00

The girls are here! The girls are here!! Yay! Yay!!! The girls are here!!!!
Finally, I get to see them. It's been ages! I hadn't seen them since last January and I was beginning to feel like a fish out of water.
It's true it took less than 24 hours for me to start shouting and scolding, but at least it feels normal again. I have my girls with me and I can shout and scold all I want! And kiss and hug and cuddle and and and...
It's been a real fiesta here; cooking, singing, dancing, playing games, walking down the High Street, shopping... Hamdillah, I feel busy and useful again.
The doctors have begun to cut down my meds, which is great cuz that means I can go home when I've stopped them. Hope I don't get any side effects from that. I've already got swollen feet again, but I hope that'll go away when I start walking again. (Oh, we've been stuck in the house for a while now because it's freakin' cold, freezing!!!)
Meena and Rabab are here too, and they've been a lot of fun (and help). The more the merrier, right?! Meena's been a great help with the girls and Rabab's spoiling Zeena rotten (and us too with her cooking!)
A friend of mine in Beirut called me today and said that they were sitting in the open air @ the ahweh, in the beautiful sun, opposite the calm, blue sea and that the temperature there was around 28 degrees! AAAAAAAAAAAaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhh!!! I wanna be there. It's probably less than 5 degrees here and it rained horizontally today because of heavy winds. A7777, it makes me cold just thinking about it! Yalla, baseeta, soon inshallah, pretty soon I will be there too, or as Wiss says, I will be nagging him to turn on the AC and fix the temperature in the room, and that it's way too hot, and I'd be hot and sweating. Yes! Yes! Yes!!! Can't wait.

On this warm note,
ta ta,
mwah,
Hala

Family's A Fortune!!!

2008-03-16T11:48:00.002+02:00

Whether it's immediate family or extended family, ALL family is priceless! No matter where you are or what you are going through you can always rely on your family to be there for you. Be it on the phone, or behind the computer screen, on a Christmas card, or right there smack in your face, your family will always back u up when you need them. Whether in Beirut, Amman, Dubai, Kent, Bonn, Toronto, Florida, or anywhere else in the world, your family will always be ready to catch u when u fall. At least I am lucky to say my family will and have been!

The incredible support that my family has shown me throughout my ordeal has been absolutely remarkable. In their own different ways, they showed their love and understanding. They picked me up when I was feeling down. They worried about me when I was half-way gone. They cooked for me, bathed me, held my hand, walked with me, read for me, danced for me, sang for me... They did everything possible to make me feel better.

I thank you ALL, my family, my flesh and blood, my heart and soul. Without you, I wouldn't have made it so far so quickly.

Love you tons,
ALL of you,

Hala
p.s. picture of me and Oushi, my wonderful, sweet, German cousin, who came ALL the way to see me and spend the weekend with me with her lovely mom, Heidrun. Thanks a million. Mwah.

The Other Faces of Zee!!!

2008-03-12T10:17:00.002+02:00

Habeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebtiiiiiiii, yes, we're playing around with her! And she loves it, hehe. Rabab, my aunt, arrived on Monday bearing gifts, tons of them, and some very 'unusual' ones (to say the least), like high-heeled silver sandals and bright red wig! (She brought them for a good laugh on purpose, and Zee just loved them!) Rabab also brought Zee a couple of fairy outfits from Dina (tks dindin) which we have not been able to peel of Zee until now!!!

Otherwise, we are fine. We struggled with a bit of Zee fever last weekend and had to have her hospitalized for a couple of days. But, they changed her antibiotics and she is fine now, hamdillah.

I, however, have been struggling with reducing my meds, with all the discomfort and body aches that come along with that, but I am adamant cuz I know when these meds are stopped, I am much closer to home. So, let's bear it and shut up! No nagging today!

Today is Wednesday again, and as promised earlier, I am going into London. Been invited to lunch by a very sweet, old friend of mine to a trendy cafe in Notting Hill. Will tell u ALL about it when I get back (if I get back in one piece, for the weather today, I can't begin to tell u,... ufff!!!)
I WANT SUN!!! I WANT TO GO OUT IN A T-SHIRT!!! I WANT TO SWIM!!! I WANT BEIRUT!!! I WANT MY GIRLS!!! I WANT MY MOMMY AND DADDY!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!!!!!!

Ok, ok, I know, inshallah soon. Just keep your hopes up and your fingers crossed for us.

Love you and leave you (for now),
mwah,
H

It's good to be back!!!

2008-03-05T21:52:00.004+02:00

It's been a while now that I'd been feeling bored, frustrated and actually pissed off. I wanna go home. It feels like I'm a prisoner here, not allowed to leave, at least not before end of April. I miss home. I miss the girls. I miss everything about crazy ol' Beirut! The doc said he wants to wean me off ALL meds b4 he lets me go home. He needs to make sure that I am doing well on my own. I wish he'd let me go sooner. The walls of my lovely Sutton apartment were beginning to close down on me, until a few days ago, when I finally left Sutton for The City! You've ALL read about my 'unfortunate' adventure on the frickin' London Bus Tour. Well, I put in a photo of Zee n Wiss in front of Buckingham Palace, just for the record!

But then came the Canterbury Trip. That was amazing!!! The Cathedral is magnificent, and so was Meena's concert. We stayed in a tiny hotel (The Sun Hotel) of 7 rooms (Charles Dickens used to stay there!). It's a 600-year-old house, recently refurbished, wonderfully cozy. The only downside was the frickin' cooing of the doves on our bedroom window at SIX A.M. in the frickin' morning!!!! But Canterbury is such a nice town, with little roads and kitchy stores and yummy restaurants and bohemian cafes. We took a long walk around and it did us ALL a whole lot of good.

However, the icing on the cake was today's program. A dear friend of mine whom I know from Beirut had invited me to lunch in London. Now, I'm not the kind who'd do lunches every day (Lord knows, I hardly have time), and I don't usually talk much when surrounded by too many people, but, I tell you, today, I couldn't keep my tongue in my mouth!!! It's like I had to talk for the six months I'd been 'silent'! The company was lovely and the food was great (dim-sums, yum-yum!) It felt great to talk about things other than chemo and pain and side effects and hair loss! I was so excited when I got back home that I didn't even need my afternoon blanket, cuppa tea and hot water bottle! To the friend who made me feel "alive" again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. And thanks to the lovely ladies who joined in; it was gr8 seeing u again!

So, it's decided, I have to do one trip to London and try to have a 'normal' day at least once a week, or else I shall explode here in good ol' Sutton. Don't get me wrong, I am not being unfaithful to Sutton per se, but the whole routine life I've been living for the past 4 months or so. If I want to make it through the next two months, I have to get out more, try to diversify a little, and maybe even do some research for work while I'm at it.

I've included some photos for you to see. Hope you like them. I dunno in what order they will come out on the blog (I really still dunno how to use all this technology)(but I'm sure if I do something drastically wrong, Rima will hack my site and fix it :)

Till the next,
mwah
H

Happy Hundred!

2008-03-01T11:18:00.002+02:00

Yesterday, We were ALL feeling bored from the daily routine, so we decided to take Zee into London to see the sights. Since it was a cold and gloomy day, we opted for the Big Sightseeing Tour Bus which would take us ALL around, show us ALL the sights, keep us warm, and ALL the while entertain us and teach us about London. Well, first of ALL, we sat in the lower deck; however, Zee wanted to try the upper, open-air deck so we went upsatirs. It was freezing cold and we had to wait for an empty seat in the semi-covered part so as to be a bit warmer. Still, over there, the wind was blowing from behind us and we almost froze to death. It had been almost one and a half hours since the beginning of the journey and we still hadn't seen any sight. So, cold and miserable, and seeing that it was a rip-off, we decided to get off the bus. We were walking towards Selfridges to get some lunch when I suddenly tripped and fell smack on the ground! Ouch! And to top it ALL, it began to rain, so we had to run, me with my limp, Wiss holding us both each in one hand, to catch a taxi! Ah, thank God for the London Cab. He took us to James Street where I knew there were tons of restauarants to choose from. We chose Cafe Rouge, for we hadn't eaten French food in a while, and the onion soup and steak frites sounded just right after our ordeal. Boff! The food wasn't that great, but mashi el hal. We then took a cab back to Victoria Station. We were telling the cab driver about the stupid bus experience we'd had, and he told us he could have taken us ALL around for much less and in a much warmer surrounding. I didn't want to go back home completely defeated, so I asked him to take us to Buckingham Palace. We stopped in front of it, took a few photos, then did the same in front of Big Ben and a few other nearby sights and went back home with proof of a true 'London experience' for ZEE!!!

Now, if you are wondering about the title of this entry, well today is the 100th day post transplant!!! Yayyy!! It's supposed to be a big deal, a kinda milestone. So, hamdillah, and hope for more and more healthy hundreds of days! To celebrate, Wiss is taking us to Canterbury for the weekend. We will also get to see Meena singing with the choir in the Cathedral! So, it should be a fun and entertaining weekend. Will tell you ALL about it when we get back. Wish us luck.

mwah,
Hala

Fast Forward >>>>>

2008-02-23T13:43:00.003+02:00

The past two Thursdays I've been going to a 'class' at the hospital called Fast Forward. It is intended for those who have done their bone marrow transplant and want to move on with their lives. The class consists of an hour of soft exercises, 10 work stations, in fact, like leg lifts, step-ups, and balance wheel. We, me and some 8 other 'recovering patients', take turns on each station and work at it for 2 minutes. After that, there is a relaxation session of about 15 mins, and then after that we ALL go sit in a room, have some 'tea and pie' and talk about something specific. Each week there is a different speaker, a dietician, a psychologist, a nurse... It's been a lot of fun and very useful. I was sore for three days the first time I did the exercises, but it felt good to work those sleeping muscles. I would like to be able to do more, but I guess it'll take some time to regain ALL my strength and energy.

It's great that they are trying to push us forward, to make us go on with our lives, however, I find myself somehow scared to move so fast. I mean I want to, but I am scared or anxious about the future. I'd been 'without responsibilities' here for the past four months, just concentrating on myself and on getting better. Suddenly, I have to start thinking about going back to 'normal' life, to work, to kids, to responsibilities... It won't be too long before they send me back (probably end April) and much as I'd love to go back asap, I find myself hesitant, scared and yes, anxious. What if I can't pick up where I'd left? What if I don't have enough energy for the girls? What if my hands aren't stable enough to decorate my cookies? What if my mind isn't clear enough to plan for the next business steps? What if...?

Still it feels good to go back to normal, yet I also feel guilty seeing Zeena going in the opposite direction. I am ecstatic that I have enough energy to give her her bath at night, yet feel crushed when I remove strands of falling hair with my bare hands. I revel at the fact that my energy is coming back stronger than ever and I want to go out of the house ALL day, whereas her energy is diminishing and she doesn't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. Habibti, she's been such a good girl and so 'grown-up' about the whole thing, yet the frickin' medications make her moody and fussy and weary. Yalla inshallah this will be over soon and she will go back to being the cheerful, energetic, funny kid she is.

Well, to wrap up, I guess I should be grateful that I am getting better so that I can help her get better too. So, let's press the fast forward button and jump to the happy ending at the end of the tape!

xxx
H

My Newly Plucked Eyebrows and other stories!

2008-02-19T22:58:00.002+02:00

Yes, I finally plucked my eyebrows. There were tons of them (steroids, mish shatara minni!). I tried my best to do a good job at 'drawing' them, but it's difficult when u have to do it with shaky hands and dry fingertips! Anyway, that's the first attempt. I still have a lot of facial hair, but now that the doc's reduced my Prednisolone, I am desperately waiting for them to fall off.
Oh, and guess what??? I wore MASCARA!!! Meena, my 18-year-old bubbuly niece, bless her, took me shopping yesterday. We tried on some mascara from her favourite make (benefit) and I just fell in love with their products, and esp the packaging!!! So, I ended up buying make-up, yaaayyyy! And they ALL have funky names, for instance, Some kind-a gorgeous foundation, bad gal lash mascara and Honey, snap out of it facial scrub!!! I am very happy with my new purchase, esp that I haven't worn make-up in ages and that I'd left my case back home. So, I figured, if I'm gonna start anew, I'd better do it in style!!!
Seeing that I had lost a whole lotta weight and that my jeans are way too loose, Meena also took me jeans shopping. She has a peculiar taste and opinion about jeans, so I had to try on a million pairs until we finally decided on one. They're niiiiiccceee!!! I should put on my new make-up and new jeans and take a photo and show you the new and improved me!
I am feeling much better, hamdillah, and my energy is coming back full blast. At the same time, Zee is losing hers which makes it a bit difficult on us. Habibti, she is becoming more moody by the minute, she doesn't feel like doing much even when it's a glorious day outside. She doesn't want to ride the bike or the scooter, or go to the park... She only sometimes wants to go down to the High Street and buy herself something (to2borni tal3a la imma!) She also enjoys helping me cook, so we're doing a lot of that (well, I have to since mommy's gone, min gheir sharr, and I have to feed the family!!!) But it's been a lot of fun, esp that I have an open hotline with mom!!! hehe!!!

Speaking of food, I gotta go have dinner (Wiss has prepared a surprise!) I usually only take care of one meal, too tired to prepare dinner, so Wisso takes care of that, habibi!

Catch u l8r guys,
mwah
Hala

Chop, Cut, Cook.

2008-02-14T00:37:00.003+02:00

Or more accurately: Chop the onions, Cut your finger, Cook the onions!!! How the heck do you chop onions without cutting a finger? How do you make them all symmetrical? And most importantly, how do you get rid of that smell on your fingers?
Sorry I haven't written in a while but I have been busy taking an intensive cooking course with mom, the best cook in the whole wide world! Ever since I got married (almost 15 years ago!) there was always someone to cook for us. It was either mom who sent us food or she'd taught our help to make us the foods we liked. I'd always reserved my energy to cooking for my dinner parties, and that usually consisted of Internataional foods, and never Arabic stews and such.
So, to cut a long story short, these past few days have been a true eye-opening experience for me. We made so many things that make you go Mmmmmm! We made riz bi foul, mnazzalet el batenjen, mloukhieh masrieh, bamieh bi lahmeh, wara2 3inab (yes, I rolled them! However, it turned out that I'd rolled them inside out!!!! How was I supposed to know that vine leaves weren't 'double-sided'?), 2 kinds of white rice, basmati and Egyptian (never had a clue b4!), plus at least 3 new kinds of soups, including yummy chicken and beef stocks (and a soup u do when u make a mistake cooking a stew!)
Mom and I had never spent so much time together, under one roof, and I can't tell you the mother-daughter bonding that goes on under that roof! She's been delightful company and wonderful support (despite her own backache) plus never-ending love supply to me and Zee. She wants to go back home on Sunday. She says haram dad's been alone for too long. I dunno what we'll do without her. We've gotten so used to her, it's gonna be very difficult to let her go. But she promised to come back with dad, so that's something to look forward to.

'Chop, Cut, Cook.' Sounds like, 'duck, duck, goose' or that game 'paper, rock, shears' (?). The phrase has been stuck with me ALL day! So has the smell of onions!!! Any tips on how to get rid of smells of onion and garlic? Plus, how do you get rid of cooking smells when u live in a small house and your kitchen is smack in the middle of the living room? OK, u open the windows for a while, light a candle... nah, doesn't work! And finally how do you chop without cutting fingers? (I bought a machine with a blade that's supposed to do the job, but it doesn't work properly, and it has so many parts that u end up doing more washing-up than ever PLUS cutting the onions manually (and eventually cutting your fingers!) The worst part is when u put on a plaster; then u can't chop at all!!!

Well, awaiting your tips for a better kitchen experience,
I leave you to ponder on ALL those yummies,

For those who want explanations and translations (Christina for instance), I will gladly send u recipes if u r interested, or even cook 'em for u when (and if) I ever see you!

Hope I didn't make u too hungry,
night night
Hala

Bonding in the Sutton Sun!

2008-02-10T01:22:00.000+02:00

Today was a lovely day in Sutton. We took the opportunity to go down to the park with Zeena's new scooter. After a couple of runs and a small fall (oops!) Zee decided to sulk and refrain from playing. I had to get on the swings and act the clown to finally convince her to go back to playing. (In effect, I needed an excuse to get on those swings!) After that, we walked in the sun for a while, watched the squirrels and pigeons and were 'fascinated' by the young couple kissing and cuddling nonstop on one of the benches! We sat at a bench too (but didn't kiss or cuddle!!!) and had probably one of the longest conversations I have ever had with my daughter. Habibti, she has grown so much, so quickly. She speaks of everything and knows so much and memorizes so many incidences; it's amazing! I think God has sent her to me for that purpose, for Zee and I had never really spent time together as much. I was always busy with my treatment (Round 1), or with work or her sisters. Now, I feel she is ALL mine, ALL for me to explore and love and hold and kiss and, yes, cuddle!!! And she's so yummy too cuz she's been eating sooo much that her cheeks are like 'sponge cake', as Teta says.

Teta, ah Teta! Habibti mama. She was feeling a bit 'under the weather' today so she refrained from leaving the house. "I" made her chicken soup!!! Yes, moi! (Of course following her directions.) And I also made kebbe bi laban, basmati rice, ejjeh (omlette with courgettes, onions and parsley for those who dunno) AND a salad!!! ALL following mom's instructions. Zee helped too. She peeled the cucumbers, grated the courgettes, squeezed the lemons and handed us pots from the low cupboard! It was great cooking together, three generations of kitchen lovers!

After lunch, I wanted to be in the sun again, so I left them napping and went down to the High Street. I walked ALL the way down, bought 'a few' things along the way then took the bus back up!

I don't know where ALL this energy is coming from. I think cuz I used to be anemic (another difficult word to spell!) and am not anymore (cuz Fadi isn't) I have so much extra energy that I need to spend. Hamdillah that I am able to do it without causing any pain or trouble. The doc did say I had to walk a mile a day; However, he didn't specify whether it should be a 'shopping' mile or not!

Anyway, as long as I am feeling better, I will keep on walking, God willing, and I will hold Zee's hand and walk with her till the very end, inshallah.

Hope tomoro is another sunny day for me and ALL of you!

g'night people,

mwah,

Hala

(n.b. Zeina Halawi pls send me ur email or number urgently!)

TA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-06T23:33:00.000+02:00

CLOTROPHOBIA!!!!!!

2008-02-05T01:18:00.000+02:00

Forgive me dear friends, for I have stalled! Well, actually, I didn't really stall, but I couldn't get myself to type with one hand. The reason for that is, actually, that there turned out to be a CLOT under my left arm, causing it to swell and hurt, thus making it impossible for me to use. They said it was most probably caused by the Hickman Line that they had put in my veins a few months ago to give me meds thru and draw out bloods from, and that it was absolutely essential to remove it ASAP. So off to the Minor Procedures Unit we went (that was Friday) and did a 'minor' operation to remove the 'bloody' line. And since I had a bone marrow aspirate on Monday, I opted to do it right then too so I would finish with it and spend a 'carefree' weekend. So, there I was, needles in the front and in the back, push, pull, stitch, breathe, exhale, ignore, shush, quiet, ouch, yikes... till it was over about an hour later and I got to go back home and rest.
Clots! As if I needed more headache. I had just finished from one in my right arm a week ago! (That one was caused by the Central Line I had put in in Beirut last August!) So now it's more shots in the stomach, which I don't really mind giving myself cuz it makes me feel like a doc or a nurse for a little while, hehe! But Clots! Imagine I survive ALL only to die of a blood clot! Wouldn't that be ironic! Yalla baseeta, when u gotta go u gotta go, no matter how or why. But issokay, or it should be, inshallah. A couple of months and it'll melt away. Meanwhile, I will try not to think much about it and hope the swelling in my arm eases pretty soon.

On a lighter note, MY EYEBROWS ARE ALL OUT!!!! So is my hair (even facial hair, oh God!) and those who don't believe me, hmmm, I'll have someone photograph me tomoro and I'll post the picture, I promise!

I shall leave you for now. Gotta go make Zee some more food! Habibti, ever since they started her on steroids she hasn't stopped eating! And she is picky too, and sets out the menu for the whole week! I guess she's taken much more from me than ALL! God bless her!

g'night
xxx
H

ALL Hail The Unknown Soldier!!!

2008-02-01T01:30:00.000+02:00

Whether it's sleeping on 5 pillows on the floor of AUH's BMT Unit, or lying next to Zee at the Royal Marsden Children's Ward; whether it's eating sandwiches when u r diabetic and it's the worst thing for him or sneaking out early in the morning for a coffee and a smoke; whether it's putting on the bravest, most supportive face for me or the funniest, most loving one for Zee, you cannot help but admire the unknown soldier, Wiss.
A man of very few words, he has put his life on the side to help me (and now Zee) get through the toughest periods of our lives. He's forgotten about his passion, his painting, and only sketches from time to time to keep his hands working. He's deleted the 'ever-so-precious' afternoon nap, the quiet few hours in his room in the morning, the 'time-out' he slips away to just to be there for us. I don't think I've ever known anyone become so selfless, so unselfish, so devoted to anyone as much before. And I'm not just saying that cuz he's my husband (Lord knows I wouldn't have been able to do so much had I been in his shoes, God forbid!)
So, for those who have mentioned 'The Forgotten Soldier" in their comments earlier, thank you from Wiss and me. And for those who don't know Wiss, or are still 'discovering' him (as I am still), well guys, we have a gem on our hands.
Allah ykhalleek fo2 rasna habibi, and God give you strength to carry on this journey till the near and happy end, inshallah.

Love you,
H

Thanks From Me n Zee!!!

2008-01-28T20:51:00.000+02:00

Dear Friends,

Zee and I would like to thank ALL those who lit candles for us last night. I heard the sky was lit in almost every country around the world! Special thanks to Mo for his extra special campaign, you are too precious!

We just want you to know that we are doing fine and that together we will make it through this, inshallah, with your help and support.

Zee has been allowed to come visit us at home these past two days in the afternoons. 7adara!!! (i.e. civilization!) She came for a few hours, ate teta's food like it was the first meal she'd had in years and filled up on hugs, kisses and cuddles to last till the next day.

My doc's appt was very positive today too, hamdillah. Everything going according to plan (a few side effects from the meds, but it's ok). Pretty soon I will be as strong as ever, God willing, and I will take Zee back home to Beirut to continue her consolidation treatment there.

On a lighter note, notice my eyebrows growing back!!! Yaaaaay!!! My hair's also starting to show. Yippeee!

yalla, l8r dudes,

mwah

Mysterious, indeed!

2008-01-24T23:06:00.000+02:00

They say that the Lord works in mysterious ways, but this is freaky, man! Ever since I saw my beloved little one, I have found an inner strength that I didn't know existed just yet. Habibet albi, she is such a strong little girl, a tougher cookie than her mom! Seeing her at first with ALL the tubes and stuff coming out of her made me feel sick and queasy, but then I held myself together and her strength seemed to have rubbed on me. Now ALL of a sudden, my stomach is better (of course also tks to mom's amazing remedies) andI find I need to wake up early and rush to the hospital to take Wissam's place. I am not much the one who plays with her, but more the one who feeds, bathes, soothes and cuddles her, kinda what I really want and can do at the moment. I will not lie to you, I am still weak and shaky, but I am trying to ignore that and to put her in front of everything else. I have been criticized of overdoing it, but I can't help it. I want her to go through this as quickly and as smoothly as possible. And she will, inshallah, for they are saying her treatment will be short and easy, hamdillah.

So, whether you believe in God or any other Superior being, I am grateful for what's happening, ironic as it may be, but it could have been a lot worse. Pretty soon Zee will be home here with me, probably next week, and then she will be treated as an outpatient, so we will have our weekly hospital visits together, kinda like 'mother-daughter bonding', a much needed bonding since Zee and I have always been separated from eachother by sickness.

Zee is here now, with me, in my arms. I see her, smell her, touch her and hug her and thank God for her, yes, there must be a 'God' for bringing her to me and giving me enough strength to try and care for her as best as I can.

I want to sincerely thank ALL of you who wrote to me, whether on this blog or privately, and consoled me and tried to help me through this nightmare. I believe in hope, in love, in faith, in being strong together. I am grateful for ALL your kind words and advice, even those whom I don't know, or those I hadn't heard from in ages. What matters is that Zee and I are together and we will get through this together, God willing.

Wish me luck in finding yet more strength to sail through this, and pray for Zee and her quick recovery. I rely on you my friends to help my daughter just as you helped me get through such an ugly ordeal.

Love you tons,
Hala

How do u refuel faith?

2008-01-20T20:40:00.000+02:00

When you come to the end of your rope, what makes you keep trying? When you've reached the end of the road, how do you keep walking? When you're all prayed out, how do you refuel?
How do you deal with the most shocking, painful news that hits you in the face when you least expect it? When you are fighting with ALL the little strength you still have in you, how do you become stronger? How are you supposed to forgive and have faith and keep praying when you are hit in the face with the cruellest, most unfortunate news you could ever be handed?
How do you deal with it when you are a relapsed ALL patient, just fresh out of a BMT, still suffering from the radiation side effects and they tell you that your youngest daughter has been diagnosed with Leukemia??? A kind of ALL, having no connection whatsoever with the one you have? Just sheer coincidence, a one in a million chance! How is that possible? How is it fair? Why? She is five, for God's sakes! What's she done to deserve this? Haven't I suffered enough for ALL of us? Why does she have to go through this?
I find it very difficult to absorb. My faith is wavering. I'm ALL prayed out. I am in disbelief, esp so that they said it has nothing to do with my case! How could that be? How unfortunate can I be? Why am I being punished so hard? What have I done? What has she done? How can I reverse this?
The logical thing would be is to thank God it's this and not more, but isn't this enough already? That she has an easy case and hopefully curable in no time, but is that really necessary? How do you keep your faith in God at such times when you feel he is against you, somehow doing this on purpose, for some reason? How can you keep praying? How do you refuel your faith?

Zee is arriving in London with Wiss tomoro to receive treatment here at the hospital with me. Well, at least one good thing came out of this, I get to see her and be next to her and try to help her as much as I physically can. I get to hug her and kiss her and tell her that ALL will be fine. That it will be over soon, I really really hope.

Pray for us my dear friends, for now that my faith is not ALL there, perhaps yours could be of more help. And pray for me to to retrieve my faith, for Zee to keep walking, for this nightmare to finally end and let us go on with our life.

love you,
Hala

Yansoon Dilemma Solved!

2008-01-17T12:51:00.000+02:00

Dear ALL,
Thanks a million to everyone who tried to send me Aniseed or 'yansoon'. I finally got some. Guess how? MOMMY"S HERE!!! YAAAYYY!!!! She and Cyba surprised me a couple of days ago. Suddenly everything seems easier to handle!
Mom not only brought yansoon, but also half of her freezer including ALL kinds of 'kibbe' and spices and sheesh barak... yum yum yum. So, no worries about me eating well (as soon as I can manage to actually 'eat' anything! :(
Going to see the doc tomoro and try to find a solution to this bugger of a pain.
Wiss left to Beirut last night to check on girls. I miss him already! Pls those reading in Beirut, take care of him for me!

I will write more extensively later on,
meanwhile, stay warm

love u tons,
H

And the Cookie Takes the Cake!!!

2008-01-13T20:21:00.000+02:00

Oh yes, folks. The only thing I could fathom putting in my mouth this morning was actually a biscuiut and some tea. (Yes, Hania, I dipped it first, of course!) And not just any biscuit. Seeing that I had a choice between Rich Tea, Double Choc-Chip, Burbon Creams and Digestives, the latter was the only one I could actually try. I had one and a half biscuits with some tea and felt bloated after that! As for lunch, eeeeewwwwwwwww, I can't even think of food any more. I tried some boiled potatoes, too dry! I think last night's Maggi chicken broth soup is a winner for dinnertime. Perhaps I'll try that again tonight, much to the dismay of Rabab, I know, for not having it fresh, but honestly, it isw lighter this way.

You should hear the sounds my stomach and intestines are making. It's like Jurassic Park Revisited ALL over again; a frickin' Tyranosaurus Rex or sth roaming around inside me.

I really want to thank all u who sent recipes and suggestions, but, u know what, I think no matter what I eat, as long as I am taking so much medication, nothimg will help improvw my 'situation'! It's a good thing I'm seeing the doc tomoro. Perhaps he can find a miracle cure for me. (just let's pray he doesn't stick me in the cell again...!)

As for those who sent me tips on how to keep busy, wow, there are some nice ideas there I hadn't thought of, some really fun, too (tks Hala 4 ur list. I love making lists!) I did buy a Best of Musicals cd and sang along to it, honest! As for Maz's suggestions for an orgt of Lord of the Rings, well, I hate to burst ur bubble babe, but that 'genre' is not really my cuppa tea. (Try Grease or Flashdance instead?)

I tried reading a book today. Really, I feel so jealous of the British gobbling up books everywhere and so quickly that I sat on my bed and started reading a new book I'd gotten as a gift from a friend. I woke up an hour and five lines later! (It's the meds, I tell you!)

I feel funny in my tummy. It's not really nausea nor heartburn but just general discomfort. Let's just pray they reduce my meds tomoro so I can feel a bit better. I sent Wissam on a hunt for 'aniseed' or 'yansoon'. All he could find was star anise. well, after trying to boil, crush, boil again... it turned out to be NOT THE SAME AS YANSOON! Too bad. That woulda helped, perhaps! Meanwhile, It's back to ginger and peppermint and jasmine teas I guess.

Go on, have a cuppa with me,

from a land far far away,
signing off,
T-Rex

(Man, I think I am confusing my movies? See Maz, I suck at this!)
xxx

My Makeshift Comfy Sofa!

2008-01-11T20:32:00.000+02:00

Ahhhhhh, it feels good to be back home! Got back yesterday but it took me a good 24 hours to 'find' my balance again. Sob7an Allah how immediately one feels better at home. Not that anything has changed, the dayareeeiaaa is still there, and the shivers too, but somehow I feel better. I need to rest, I know, but I feel good and less anxious and ready to conquer this ugly thing again.

I have also been eating a bit too. In fact, ouyouni ma tshoof el chicken soup, or el pasta w laban for that matter! (I have chicken soup coming out of my ears now, and if I smell boiling pasta, my stomach turns!) But today I had spaghetti with tomato sauce, yay! It turns out that dairy products are not good for diorayaaaeeiiaa! So, remember all the riz w laban, or batata w laban or labneh w toast u used to eat for an upset stomach? LOSE the laban and labneh!!! I can't even have cheese, or milk! So what do I have for breakfast??? Dilemma. I can't even have eggs cuz they make my stomach feel funny. And toast with honey or even pancakes are too dry for my dry mouth! Suggestions for something good for breakfast, not dairy and not dry??? Help!!!

I thought I'd share the above picture with you. Wiss took it of me this afternoon and I thought the colours were amazing (forget the content, I look like 'ssssick'!) As you can see, my eyebrows are really trying to bud out but with great difficulty. This is the longest I've ever been without hair and this cold weather isn't really helping here! That's the makeshift sofa, the one that'll have to do till we get to the 'original' in Beirut. This one's going with me though. I proudly bought it from Ikea. It doubles up as a king-sized bed, quite comfy indeed for the likes of its own. And that's the famous hot-water bottle, the secret to man's happiness (or mine, at least!)

Ok now, since I need to rest, and I am not really allowed to leave the house much yet, any suggestions as to how to keep busy, of course other than TV, books, mags, puzzles, cooking, etc... I know i am asking for the moon here, but perhaps someone might come up with a winner!

Awaiting your suggestions (bear in my mind, I don't like to read much, I am usually impatient and I get bored easily! There, haven't I made this easier on you?!! hehe!!! Good luck!)

Mwah,

OK, OK, I'm Back!!!

2008-01-09T14:44:00.000+02:00

Ya well, one cannot stay depressed too long, it depresses you!!! Although I am still a hostage at hospital, I decided, khalas, I miss u guys and this blog too much to keep sulking.
Yes, I am still at hospital. They are keeping me till all the test results and cultures come out. Today they are removing the IV antibiotics and putting me on oral ones to see if my temperature remains stable. As for the diarrhea, ever wondered how many spelling mistakes one can make with that word?! Jeez! There's diarhea, diarya, die-a-riya, diorrhea (actually I think this one is also correct!), dioriya,... Leyla, help me out here! Eh, however u spell it, it's still there, so they r running tests for that too, but it is draining me! I am not eating (maalesh will lose some weight and become 'svelte'!) , I am taking way too many pills and I am sleeping half the day. I shall call this a retreat, or a 'cure'. Instead of going somewhere far and expensive to relax, I get to do it in good ol' Sutton!
I want to thank ALL of you who commented on my last entry. Really, thanks for your support. You are truly with me throught thick and thin. I got some lovely, warm words from many of you, esp Hania (wow, u sure know how to console someone, tks habibti!) I also happen to know that my 'silent' readers, or groupies as Dina likes to call them, are also very supportive. I thank u for that, and understand if u want to remain 'anonymous'. I love u anyway!
I had a revelation the other day while I was sitting in my hospital bed (which is by the way, unfortunately, very comfy, with crisp sheets and the perfect pillow and all). Well, as I sat there, I was thinking, when someone tells you to "go to a nice place", or "imagine yourself at the place where u would rather be, we usually immediately think of a desert island, palm trees, sunshine, maybe a couple of coconut drinks... i.e. tropical heaven. But it dawned on me that day as I closed my eyes and 'went' to my favourite place that it is no longer the island that I want. I imagined home, sofa, tv, family, friends, dinner on my coffe table with way too many people to fit, Beirut nights out, thunderstorms while u r still in bed, great food, sea, mountain, etc... Yes, my dear friends, that was very enlightening and comforting, and hopefully pretty soon I will be there, in my favourite 'place' with ALL u guys coming to visit, and me throwing parties at home, and cocktails and stuff @ the new kitchen. Pretty soon, inshallah. I just need to learn to be patient, as Wiss always reminds me.
Ok, then, now I am off to my daily routine, trashy newspaper, boring television, inedible lunch, afternoon doze, evening internet check, and late-night movie I'd seen at least a dozen times!!! The good life, eh? Hamdilla. It could have been worse.

tata my 'groupies', hehe
love,
Hala

Sunday, bloody Sunday!!!

2008-01-06T17:36:00.000+02:00

What could be worse than a long boring Sunday indoors??? A long boring Sunday indoors at hospital with fever and diarrhea!!! Oh yes, folks, I had to be hospitalized again yesterday bec I had had a bad night and they were worried about me so they admitted me and gave me tons of antibiotics to rule out any possible danger. I am feeling better now, but bored to death, esp that today is probably the nicest weather since we got here, and it kills me to lie in my hospital bed and waste such a beautiful day.

I think I am also down cuz I miss the girls too much. It was great seeing them, but also hurtful. I got so attached to them and used to having '3aj2a' in the house that I don't dare go home to an empty house. Do u think I got sick bec of that? Or do u think I was bound to get sick but had postponed it till they all left and the coast was clear? Or did God do me that favour? Well, thanks anyway. It sure is a relief I didn't have to be hospitalized while they were here. Hamdillah for that.

So, this morning, was woken up for meds and blood tests, then breakfast (hardly ate), then shower, then read The Sunday Times which is like 3 tons heavy, that took a couple of hours, then napped a bit (but of course, with three interruptions, one nurse, one Wiss phone, one lunch), ah, lunch, hardly touched that either, then computer for a couple of hours, AND it is still 4:00 pm!!! What next? Sunday TV is boring and I can't get myself to read a book to save my life. Wiss is dozing off on the lazy chair next to me, poor thing, why does he have to carry my cross with me?

So, you see, it is not all peachy and dandy as u thought. I actually do get depressed and bored and lonely and unable to hide it (sorry, I know Fadi is going to scold me for letting everyone feel down, but I guess u oughta know the good, the bad and the ugly!)

The fact is I miss Beirut, I miss my home, my kids, my comfy sofa, my work, my friends, Gemmayzeh, Ahwet el Rawda, the Golf Club in the sun, my mom, my mom, my mom, and my darling, darling dad. It's so difficult to be away. I know, I know, I should be grateful, and I am, honest, but I just needed to let off steam. I am sorry if I bored you with this entry. I promise the next one will be 'cheerful', inshallah.

Gotta go do nothing now,
see u soon,

mwah
Hala

On Love and Chicken Soup!

2008-01-04T19:50:00.000+02:00

Hiya everyone! Sorry it's been so long but my internet connection was out for a few days. I had to make around 25 looong phonecalls to BT and Sky and Broadband until it finally came back, alone might I add.
Well, the girls are gone, and so is Rabab! Wiss and I are back to beit byout, with the addition of mom's house help who stayed behind to help us, yay! (Now we can finally wear ironed clothes!)
It was very subtle, the way the girls said goodbye. They started a couple of days ago, coming to sit next to me or snuggle up to their dad. And then, on the last night, we had Loulwa cozying up next to us after dinner, Amar sleeping next to us at night, and Zee joining her early morning! Then they upped and went to the airport with no fuss. Only when they reached Beirut did they realize they had left us and won't be seeing us for a while. So, they ALL made a scene and teta came to the rescue! Habibati! And that's just talking about them. I won't even try to tell you how I feel about their departure!

And Rabab left today too, my soup-making, massage-doing, prayer-embracing, morale-lifting army general of an aunt! I will miss her and her chicken soup (she refused to let me open a can of soup and insisted on making me fresh ones, even late at night! Thanks, Ribbo!)

Rima http://www.marayagalleries.blogspot.com/ (sorry I dunno how to 'link' to u!) has 'tagged' me! That means I have to write 5 weird or random things about me on my blog and then tag 5 other bloggers! Well, 5 weird or random things about me, hmmmm, let's see.

1- I can't sleep if there's an open closet in the room.
2- I am afraid of the dark (always have a night light on!)
3- My fourth toe wiggles and does a dance better than all other toes!
4- I've become very picky about taste and won't enjoy just about anything anymore.
5- I don't like anyone reading my magazine before me (and I usually buy the second on the rack, after I've gone through the first!)

phewwww, that was difficult. Now to 5 more bloggers, hmmmm, Fawzan, (Yayyyy!!!! zabatit. I know how to link, I think!!!) Mazen, Nemr, Frances, and Debi.

Well, now to go and inform my taggers! (thanks for the homework, Rima!)

Meanwhile, keep warm and have soup!
love,
Hala

Shake Shake Shake!!!

2007-12-30T20:40:00.000+02:00

It is that time of year when people celebrate past years and new beginnings, when resolutions are made, knowing that they are bound to be broken, but we make them anyway, maybe to let ourselves think we do still have control. It is New Year's Eve tomoro. Another year, another chance, another hope, another dream...
It is the time to shake. Whatever it is you shake; whether you shake your booty on the dancefloor, or you shake hands on a deal, or you shake your cocktail shaker, or you shake your daughter's milkshake. You shake off a bad memory, or shake up a storm. Shake your medicine powder (very gently with 50 mls of Saline), or shake off your morphine addiction! Whatever it is you shake, wish you shake it well.

Shake it, shake it baby!
I'm ALL shook up!

Have a wonderful shake,
love you ALL,
Hala

My Live Elves!!!

2007-12-27T23:33:00.000+02:00

I had my turkey, and I ate it!!!

2007-12-26T00:24:00.001+02:00

And a yummy, orange-glazed, free-range turkey it was, along with its caramelized parsnips and carrots, roast potatoes, mashed potatoes, chestnut-almond brussel sprouts, parmesan broccoli, teriaki mangetout, cranberry-port sauce, bread sauce... need I say more? Yes, with the great help of my dear niece Meena, and Amto Rabab (who made a killer chestnut rice-bi lahem) I was able to pull it off. Of course I had to delegate much of the work, but still it was great fun and extremely delicious! Merry X-mas everyone! Hope yours was as yummy.
ALL that was, of course, preceded by the traditional gift opening early in the morning! Zee woke up, saw the gifts under the tree and started going "Ho Ho Ho" until we woke up and joined her in the opening of the presents. It's a good thing she didn't notice that we had forgotten to leave out milk and cookies for Santa!
Rima and Fadi, you hackers, you invaders of blogs... What can I say?! Thanks a billion guys (I wish you had let me in on it, I woulda given u nicer, more recent photos!) Thanks for ALL the warm comments too.
Well, the kids r here, and it's still x-mas season. We were stuck at home ALL day today. I hope the weather is better tomoro. Perhaps then the girls can go down to the park and the High Street for a while. As for me, my sofa would miss me too much (actually 15 mins walk in the park is ALL I can manage to do for now! but, maalesh, slowly but surely I will get stronger, inshallah!)

G'night for now,
mwah
H

And The Real Winner Is....

2007-12-23T15:49:00.000+02:00

"Don’t worry, be happy! A smile goes a long way"

Ladies, gentlemen and Mr. Smith, we present to you (after hijacking Hala’s blog YET AGAIN, sorry!) the real winner of Daface competition:

It’s the ORIGINAL HALA!!!

The Hala we all love. The beautiful angel face glowing with happiness and ALWAYS with this unmatched, inspiring smile.

Whoever’s hairdo wins, and they were ALL just wonderful, NOTHING beats the real Hala.

On behalf of all of your fellow bloggers and readers, AKA your supporters, with special hugs and kisses, this message: Hala we love you.

Bigbro & OtherSis Rima

My Afro Funky Beauty Salon Carrot Top Goth Babe!!!

2007-12-22T22:41:00.000+02:00

Yup, these are the top 5 winners according to the votes; however, if u ask me, I would say "tout le monde a gagne!!!" There is no way I could pick a winner. They were all just wonderfully warm and from the heart. They brought out the best in people who never knew they had it in them. I mean, honestly, Taggy, where did that come from. And Meena, habibti, wow! And Yasmine, my youngest contestant, I am so thrilled you took part in this contest (and fared quite well, I say!) May and Lina, what can I say! It's not that it was a surprise to me. I was certain you'd come out with something out of this world, as you always do. As for you virgin artists, Cristina and Lina B., keep up the good work, you have a bright future. And you other pros like Barb and Diane and Neda and Joy and Frances and Debi and Bobbie. I am thankful and honoured for giving me the time and effort, even though you hardly know me. And Rima, without whom none of this could have happened, how can I ever thank you enough? You played along with a bored girl in her hospital room and made her days pass so quickly and easily, forever grateful, habibti. And last but not least, Wisso, habibi, whose talent I keep discovering and rediscovering with every single day that passes. You are my inspiration, My Rock, without you I would never have ventured into anything artistic or not. So, Fadi, your attempt at 'squeezing' me will not work, alas, for they are ALL winners in my eyes (and winners of a box of brownies each, might I add! I just have to figure out how to send them to the different countries without getting into trouble with Customs!) (Lucky for those living in Lebanon (and Amman), eh?)

My friends, thank you once again for your love and efforts. I bid thee goodnight as I listen to the Three Tenors with my three lovely angels (and the rest of the Angel Family). It's good to feel at home, even if in a home away from home!

love you tons,
H

My Angels!

2007-12-21T14:59:00.000+02:00

I never knew angels came in so many different forms. Whether it's MY angels, my flesh and bone, who are coming to visit tomoro (yay!), or the angels that look after me at home, or the ones that took extra care of me at hospital, or the ones that read this blog and pray silently, or the angels back home waiting for me to return, or the ones in different parts of the world following my bumpy ride... or the angels who have given me parts of them so i can go on, or the angels who blow in my ear "you will be alright" every night. I had always thought angels lived in heaven, and that we get to meet them when we die, if we're lucky. But it turns out, no, angels are within us, protecting us, catching us before we fall, pushing us forward, helping us with that difficult step, caressing our hair (if applicable!) when we r are feeling low, giving us that extra tight hug when we most need it.

It's been and still is a loooong, bumpy ride, full of ups and downs and mood swings and anxieties and also laughter and hope and faith and love. And it has come to a time were all faiths are celebrating and everyone is thankful. I wouldn't have wished to pass by what I am at any other time. I feel the prayers resonating from Ramadan to Eid el Fitr to Eid el Adha to Christmas... I feel blessed to have passed through ALL this during these 'holy' months. Thank you God for being by my side. Thank you, my angels, for your endless love and support. Without you, I would surely not have made it so far. Thank you for making it "easy" and "fun". Hope you stick around for more!

On a lighter note, tune in tomoro for "da best hair awards!!!"

Love you tons,
Hala

Look What Cristina Sent Me!!! Hilarious!!!

2007-12-19T19:59:00.000+02:00

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1556208740

"Tis The Season To Be Jolly!!!

2007-12-17T20:10:00.000+02:00

FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!!!!

Man, it feels good to be home! Alf el hamdillah (although it does feel a bit in between comfortable and anxious; I call it comfxious!) Look what May sent me today, a festive Afro!!! Isn't it just jolly, dolly, filly folly? Habibti May, u r just unbelievable!!!

Today, I went to hospital for a check-up and the doc said everything was going great and that I am on the right track and will be stronger with time, inshallah. Meanwhile, I sleep a lot, watch tons of TV and Rabab feeds me non-stop!

Rima, the wall keeps getting better! Only a few more days for the final vote! I love them ALL and wish I could wear them ALL, hehe.

Ok, attention span diminishing now. Maybe catch u l8r. G2G eat something!

mwah,

Honey, I'm home!!!

2007-12-16T03:03:00.000+02:00

Yes, indeed, thank God I am back home (Sutton home for now). The docs released me last night after they'd checked on me and saw that I had made a lot of progress and that there was no need for me to remain at hospital since I wasn't 'attached' to anything anymore. Hamdilla alf marra. However, it doesn't mean that I am free to wander the streets yet. I need to be extra careful and relax at home and keep warm and away from any virus or whatever might jeopardize my still-low immunity. I am pretty ok with that, since I spent the last 24 hours dozing on and off on 'my sofa' and extra warm bed! I need to go see the docs on monday for a check-up and counts of bloods. Till then, I look forward to reading from you and checking out what you've done with the new vote (Rima's added some new pix and I've postponed the deadline; it's just too much fun to end so abruptly!). So, yalla, vote some more and write to me and wish me a smooth and warm recovery at home, and soon in Beirut, inshallah.

Thank you ALL for every little prayer,
I am forever grateful,

love,
Hala

The More The Merrier!

2007-12-14T16:24:00.000+02:00

The pictures keep coming in, and each one is more wonderful than the other. I feel guilty for not including them in the vote, so I am going to postpone the deadline, and then my darling Rima is going to add them to the voting list, (if she doesn't kill me and go to prison first!) and we'll have a bigger, more competitive list that leaves out no one!
AND SO you can vote for as many as you like!!! (Ok, Maz?)

Keep checking the wall at http://www.marayagalleries.com/forhalapage2.htm and clicking on the pix. There's a surprise there everytime! Each entry comes from the heart, it's just amazingly touching. Thank You!

Yalla!

2007-12-13T12:18:00.000+02:00

Ok, guys, my new hair is here!!! This is how it works (I think): Go to this link
http://www.marayagalleries.com/forhalapage2.htm
there are a couple of pages of the pix. click on them to see details then choose ur fave and go back to vote on my blog (right hand side). One entry per person, no cheating!

I Miss My Turkey!

2007-12-13T00:01:00.000+02:00

Well, not the actual bird, God forbid, no! But the one I always cook for x-mas dinner right about this time of year (we non X-ians are always left with the earliest or weirdest dates to throw Christmas parties on, ma32ouleh?!) Wiss and I usually invite a few close friends, and I slave away in the kitchen (for at least 3 days beforehand) while he develops hemerrhoids from running back and forth to the supermarket to buy something 'he' had forgotten on his earlier trip there, poor thing! But we enjoy hosting Christmas dinners, our friends love them and the kids adore all the gifts and yummy leftovers that come with them!

To tell you the truth, I am not a big fan of turkey meat, really. I usually find it dry and miznikh (depends on who's cooking it, right HH?), but I adore all the extras on the side: roast potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, chestnuts, bread sauce, turnips, mange-tout, etc... Yum! (I do sound hungry, don't I?) (Don't get me started on the food here!)

HOWEVER and HOPEFULLY, come this Christmas, I think I could be spending it @ home in Sutton, according to what the docs r saying (Inshallah ya Rabb!) and, hence, will be preparing a mini feast (probably mostly bought from Marks!) to celebrate LIFE with the girls and the rest of the family. Aaaaahhh, the girls could be coming, habibati, inshallah. I miss them like crazy. I just hope they find available flights before X-mas Eve.

I know u r probably wondering why won't I be in Beirut? Well, the thing is, this treatment is a very looooong and haaaaarsh one. The first verrrryyyy harsh bit is almost done now, inshallah, but there still is a phase of check-ups and blood tests and doctors' visits and stuff, so I am not supposed to leave the country for quite a while. Maalesh, you're ALL welcome to visit. We'll have a Sutton Experience together! (not to be missed in the 'breezy' weather) (more like 'freezy' than 'breezy', actually.

Thank God, most of the pains are gone. (HE does listen, doesn't HE?! ) It was tougher than I'd thought, but, hamdillah, with your love and support and prayers, I sailed (am sailing) through it with minimum damage, I hope.

Surprisingly, I've found out that there are a lot more 'silent' readers following us here than I'd thought. Wow! I'm touched! Thanks! (but I wish you'd come out, khalasna ba2a! hehe)

Lastly, I wanted to say that some of you who r leaving comments on the blog are sometiomes getting answers from other people right under their comments, so, always check the blog comments regularly after u post, u never know what might happen, what friendships might develop or what witty humour u might avoid to miss.

OK, I'm done for now. I hope I've stalled them enough for you, Rima! ; )

Gotta go Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,
Good night
mwah
H

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sailor...

2007-12-12T01:16:00.000+02:00

For ALL your tailoring needs, el ratta Wissam has opened a new branch at The Royal Marsden. We do socks, seams, holes, buttons, taqseer, tadyee2, tutweel, ta3teer... Excellent craftsmanship, express delivery, money back guaranteed!

Writer's Blog!

2007-12-10T23:20:00.000+02:00

Hello, Fellow Mellow friends. For the first time in months, I have writer's block. (If I can call me a writer, that is. What is a writer. Definition, anyone?) I am sooooooooo excited about the pictures coming onto my wall (pretty soon, inshallah) that I can't think of anything to say that may not ruin the surprise. But, here are a few teasers: We, (Rima and I), (actually Rima and Rima) are 'rearranging' the pix, and laying them out and formatting and and and... all that technical stuff she does. (Me? I just nap!) Honest, whatever position I am in, I doze off. Dozed and Confused! We, Rima and I, (of course not, just Rima) will label the pix and find a way for you to vote for the best one u like... (tikram aynik Tammy).

I was wondering, fellow non-Arabic speaking friends, does it bother u that I use a lot of that in my writing? (Shoo ya Cristina?)

I haven't heard from a lot of u lately. I hope u r ok and still following, even if incognito.

Glad to see Wiss got some support on his domestic tidiness! Plus his Buddha-positioning knowledge. Wow! I had no idea!!! (Tks Maz)

I could go on forever thanking every1. Really. You've all been wonderful. But I am so tired from all the meds, I think I shall retire for now. But thank you, EVERYONE!!!

Gotta go now,
pls keep 'em prayers coming,
they seem to be kickin' in !

mwah,
H

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2007-12-10T00:37:00.000+02:00

Or for your eyes only, ya3ni la3yoonik, here is that photo of Za Pirate u requested. Ain't he a mean ol' pirate?!!

I am exhausted today, from too much sleep, actually, so I'm not going to write extensively. The 2nd picture is that of a "rearranged" table by a male (?) (just move the stuff around, group them or pair them with other stuff, and she thinks you've "rearranged") Huh! 3ala meen?

The third is my breakfast! (Dinner is almost double this!). And finally, the last one is that of dusk @ hospital with the glow-in-the-dark stars on the windows (no, they're not real stars, what did you think? duh!) (hehe)

Just wanted to let u into the room a little. Tomoro I'll try to get the x-mas decoration, too.

Yalla, the deadline for submitting ur artwork has almost arrived. Can't wait to see the whole thing.

Must go sleep, (Wiss 3am bi ja2wer, ya mama!)

mwah,

Family Portrait

2007-12-09T00:32:00.000+02:00

Hi-ya! Here's a picture of me and my 'pumps'. Aren't they cute? Smile, guys! We are such a close family. We go together everywhere. We are dependent on each other. We get along very well, however, we have a weight problem in the family. We are so heavy, we can hardly move! Sometimes we give eachother a 'breather'. At other times we just take breaks from one another. But wherever we are, we know that we are there for eachother, to support eachother when need be.

What a Lovely Way to Burn!

2007-12-07T23:47:00.000+02:00

Heyyyyyyyyy!!! Miss me? I do. So sorry about yesterday. I was so wasted from ALL those Morphinis that I couldn't write. Naaah. I was actually exhausted from the shivers and shakes of one stupid degree of temperature!
It had been a great morning. Breakfast at the Martini Bar consisted of about a jug of Morphini and an exotic assortment of pills to nibble on, not forgetting the collection of multi-coloured, multi-purpose shots that come in tiny plastic containers that Wiss likes to stick to his eyes every morning and pretend he's a pirate!!! I was surprised to find very few of u at the bar. Hmmmm. Where u been? Are you two-timing me? I would rathere presume you couldn't make it cuz u were too busy working on the image of me in new hair.
Speaking of those, I've recieved some more today and they are just unbelievable. I might need to have them posted in a different way, and perhaps also published in abook or sth. We'll see.

Anyways, in the afternoon, someone from The Physical Therapy Department came over and gave me a wonderful foot and leg rub. I had needed it badly cuz my feet were still swollen to the extent I couldn't walk on my heels. So you'd see me tip-toeing away in the room, like an elegant swan from Swan Lake only to find me hit the toilet door with the medicine pole I keep walking with, or bump into the newly-decorated, Fadi-very-proud-of Christmas tree and knock down a dozen red and gold balls... Ok, to cut it short (phew!), the massage was very relaxing and helpful, but the minute the lady left the room, I started shivering and my temperature went up to 38 degrees (I can never find the tiny circle for degree on the keyboard, sorry!) Of course, we panicked, until the doc came and reassured us that it was normal to have that and gave me a couple of Panadols (kinda like Dr Garo at the IC Infirmary when we were @ school!)(Garo was it? Shoo ya Reem? Remember?) By then I was too tired to write and decided to call it a night. (MAN, that was the longest excuse I have ever written!!!! Ana t3ibit 3ankon!)

Today, Day 15, woke up with no fever, hamdillah. It had spiked at night (new word I learned here, spiked! ) A nice surprise popped into my room, MILIA!!! It was gr8 seeing her. We chit-chatted for a couple of hours. It was nice to see someone fresh from back home (although, mind u, Milia has not been living in Beirut for a while now, but had "ree7et Bayroot fiya"). Habibti, I took a picture of her to add to my collection of visitors. I'll try to see if i can upload it here tonight.

It being Friday today, lunch was fish n chips. Every1 eats fish n chips here on Fridays except my hospital version of fish n chips was a dry fish finger and a couple of blobs of potato mash sorta sorbet, no butter, milk, salt or taste added! Guaranteed!!! I had some juice and dozed off, only to be awakened by a handsome gentleman in a dark suit. (btw, docs don't wear white gowns here, so u never know who u r talking to). Turns out this guy here is THE head of the pain (or symptoms) department. So, he pops a few questions at me, understands that I was still in pain (heels, throat...) prescribes MORE MORPHINE!!!! again with the reason of why should I feel pain if I can avoid or minimize it. Tayyeb ya khayyi. Shoo badna na3mol? Who am I to contradict a big, important doctor like that?! Eh ben, bring it on!!! Let's get this party started (also a very nice version of Pink's song by Shirley Bassey, hazamazing! Check it out.)

Rabab is here!!!!! Yay, finally a female presence. And a fun one too! HALAkooni Fadi w Wissam. No, habibati, they have been gr8, but aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh. Men!!! Don't be offended guys. I'm just saying we need a feminine touch round here. (Ssshhh, u should see how they tidy up. They just rearrange the things on the tables, you think they r playing Memory with you! hehe!

Yalla need to go dodo. Catch u l8r.
Waiting for ur breakfast comments AND contest entries!

Love,
Hala

nb: Loved your purple spaghetti strap dress, Bee!

Fancy a Morphini, Anyone?

2007-12-06T01:26:00.000+02:00

What Martini are you? Appletini? Pomegranate Martini? Chocolate Martini? Blue Martini? Vodka Martini? With a twist? An Olive? Dirrrty? Shaken? Stirred? These are ALL real drinks, and there are many more flavours! I promise, by the name of Facebook! (Isn't it graaaand that I am doing my research on FB now? hee hee!) I have found my Martini Me. It's Morphini !!! (I bet u got that from the title, eh? yeah! shuks!) Well actually, it has been bestowed on me by Miss Dr. Pain herself.
Check this out, I am sleeping in my room this afternoon, relaxing (NOT!!! cuz they keep waking me) when this tall, elegant lady, Head of Pain Dept. comes in and wakes me up. At first I was stupified, esp. bec I was dreaming a very vivid dream, but then I got up, started talking to her. She asked me about some symptoms, some pains, some results... and there we were, chatting away like school girls, when suddenly she looked at me and said: "You haven't asked for any of the oral or sub cut morphine you are allowed ALL day. How come?" So I said:"Well, I just didn't need it. The pain in my swollen feet and hands was bearable." And so she nods, looks at my billion-page chart and says:"Hala, we r increasing your Morphine dose in the pump. There is no need for you to feel ANY pain." So, Yippppeeeeeee!!! Yeeeeehaaaaa!!! I am officially allowed to go berzerk!
It's been so funny cuz, with me, Morphine makes me very sleepy, so I nod off for minutes, seconds, even, and I dream deeeeep, vivid dreams and wake up not knowing where I am for a second or two. Or when I wake up I say things out of nowhere (Wissam stares and smiles!) like: "the tickets are still with dad" or "a corridor with tons of toilet seats" or "why is X marrying a hindi and eating red knafeh?" Weiwd, no? So, with an extra 10 mg, Allah yistor! I think it'll be a day to remember!
Wish u were ALL with me to celebrate life. I will be at the Martini bar all day tomoro and probably night too (cuz I wouldn't be able to get up, hehe!) So, come visit and let's have a chitchat (or a kitkat). Ikh!

Oh, today was Day 14. I am feeling better, hamdillah :)
too da loo da loo da loo,

Cheers,
Halakemia

Yay!!! Can't Wait!!!!

2007-12-05T00:56:00.000+02:00

I've started receiving some of your altered photos of me with hair, and they are hilarious!!! OMG, you guys are really something. I am so glad that I got this idea (it seemed 'some' were getting bored of sitting idle or commenting in a line or two.) It has unleashed the talents in you (well, to some they were never on a leash, really, but bear with me, I am trying to be funny!) I will be receiving pictures on my hotmail account until Sunday midnight (whatever time zone u happen to be in), and then I will try to rearrange them in a way everyone can see them on the blog. Then I will TRY to choose the best one, but I doubt I'll be able to (they're only 5 so far, and I can't). We'll see, maybe we'll let the readers decide in a poll or sth (if I knew how!). Frances and Bobbie have been kind enough to post an 'ad' of this challenge on their blogs, inviting yet more people to join in. WoW! Thanks ladies. (But pls make sure that ur readers know that the deadline is Sunday midnight).

Rima Koleilat, come on down!!! Congratulations, you have spotted the pun and you get to take home with you a box of delicious dark chocolate brownies by Cocoa & Co. Applause Applause Applause
If you are still wondering what it was, well, it's ALL: Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (the type I have)

Ok, so Day 12 today (it's Day 12 to me now, but I guess you'll be reading it tomoro, which will be Day 13). Dr Potter passed by to see how I was doing. he told me everything was under control and congratulated me on taking ALL (got it now?) the pain with such bravery. ya lateef! wlak shoo hal Hala. Ufff! I'm just glad it's controllable, hamdillah, and that I still have some energy left to get through it ALL :) God willing. It's addictive this ALL. I survived ALL.

Those of you who have been following up this week will have noticed something different tonight. I am SOBER!!! eeeeeeewwwww. I haven't ordered the extra Morphine I am allowed a day. habla! I woulda been in la-la land now!!! But, yalla, maalesh (4 u Mo), cuz I didn't need any which means I am getting better, hamdilla!

Yiiiy, it's almost midnight now. The nurse is on her way to take my obs. Hope all's well. (temp been playing a bit between 37 and 38. I just hope they find the reason why.

good night,
waiting for u tomoro,

love u ALL

H

Have your cake and (don't u dare) eat it!

2007-12-04T00:39:00.000+02:00

Day 11, and the living is eaaasyyy, NOT! I have to admit I feel much better, though, thank God. AND, guess what? The counts have started to increase! They're @ 700 today, or 0.7 for the British :~{) We dunno why since it's still quite early, but the docs said it is possible andhas happened that engraftment might start quite early. I hope this is the case, cuz if it is, it means I will be going home sooner. Just have to be very very extra careful.

However, come the afternoon, in comes the nurse with an injection of Methotrexate, a very strong chemo medication that will hit the whites again, and cause them to drop a bit, plus it does have some 'ugly' side effects like dry mouth, diarrhea... ya3ni, mostly like the ones I was happy to start getting rid of today, only less intense. But, hamdilla, w baseeta, w maalesh, it'll pass inshallah, and i will be as good as new, except with FADI all over me ALL (noticed the pun?! Honestly, who did? come on, do tell!) the time.

Aaaah, Fadi, my alter-ego, my partner in crime, my Samson, my Gabbana, my perfect match (3 stars box)... what shall I tell you. I don't only have your cells now, but I look exactly like you. I am developing those 'whistle while you work' symptoms, I am also 'working' on my mobile phone ALL (aah, here it goes again! A brownie for he/she who guesses) day long. Even my voice is changing into a deeper, huskier, sexier voice like yours (hehe). However, the one thing I cannot master is this 88!!! (when fadi frowns, his eyebrows rise to the shape of an 88 in Arabic, his trademark). Maybe it's cuz my forehead muscles are too feminine? Maybe cuz u actually need to have eyebrows to try that? hehe. Well, habibi, love u however u r, but pls lose the 88, I am jealous!!!)

Ok guys, I loved reading your comments at breakfast. Breakfast, ya right! I could hardly swallow my milk, but maalesh, it was gr8 fun doing that while reading the blog. The docs had their round around noon today. They are very happy with how things are developing with me (hamdillah). I took the opportunity to ask if I could have the yummy chocolate croissant I had my eye on (from the cafeteria, imagine-toi!). They said I could. However, I couldn't chew or swallow one tiny bit of it. Isn't it ironic?

Au lit, tout-de-suite,
mwah
Hala

Can you see them? Can you? Can you?

2007-12-03T01:00:00.000+02:00

Oh, come on, no? wala shwai? Ya Allah, maalesh, trust me on this one, there's definitely eyelashes growing. However, the head hair ain't. I'm sure it will soon. Meanwhile, I was wondering how it will come out this time. Same as last time: straight, brown and thick or something else. Ya mama! Well, just for fun's sake, let's play with this picture. You guys who have done some photoshop work on my other picture (check blog in sept), it's time u take out your "mice" and draw some new hair onto my bald spot. Bobbie, Frances, Sandollar, Rima, Fawzan, Neda, Wiss, Linag, May? Everyone else is welcome, plssssssssssss. I am a total clutz with photoshop, but I think u can use other ways (I'd print, draw, scan and resend. ta da!!!!) That is if I could get the scanner to work, hee hee! Pls send finished picture and send it to my halabeydoun360@hotmail.com account by end of this week (Say, Sunday 9th). You can go as creative and wild as u wish (just don't make want to stay hairless!)

Other than that, today's been, eh, well, a Sunday at hospital! Very slow and quiet. Meena was here in the morning, but had to leave early for Kent. So, I was stuck with TWO "mature" men all afternoon. We spent it watching football, formula 1, car shows, even rugby!!! all the while 'playing' with the computers and multiple mobile phones!!! You can imagine the fun I've had. It's good they took me to have an x-ray to break the routine!!!

yalla, too de loo

je suis crevee (mazbouta?)

Oh and thank u auntie rima for "bouillotte"

btw, If u look at yesterday's comments, you'll find that i too added a comment. well, not about myself, but about all those who had 'breakfast' with me. So, write back so we can chat over hot chocolate and croissants!

mwah

Hala

They're back!!! They're back!!!

2007-12-02T00:20:00.000+02:00

Thank God Almighty my eyelashes are back!!!!!! Hallelujah!
The worst ever side effect of chemotherapy is losing one's eyelashes. Why? Dunno, maybe cuz they give depth to the eyes, outline them so u don't look so sick? I mean, eyebrows are ok, expected to fall off, so is hair, but eyelashes, (oh and the hairs inside one's nose), never! So, yes, I was washing my face today, and as I was putting on my medicated moisturizer, when I realized I had tiny little lashes growing back on my lids. WOW! (sounds like Ghida's 'wow, bi3a22ed' in that ad). (Ghida I hope u r reading this, miss u tons!)
Chemo has many other disadvantages, however, believe it or not, it does have some advantages! for instance:
- U no longer have to worry about waxing or shaving or sugaring or whatever. Chemo takes care of that.
- U save tons of money on hairdressers and hair products.
- Again, u save time and money on plucking eyebrows and bikini waxes!
- Since your nails turn into a striped white and blue 'lighthouse', and your toenails start playing funny with ingrown ones not allowing u to walk straight, your manicure and pedicure budget is brought down to zero, thus allowing u more time and money for shopping for bandanas!!!
- Ah, (girls only) your monthly visitor, Mme Rose, will no longer be visiting you, thus relieving you of pain and suffering and Advil and NaNa bills!
- Since your blood would be full of poison when taking chemo, you will not get ANY mosquito bites!!! In fact, if they tried to prick u, they die right away on the spot!
I can't think of anything else now, I am sooo sleepy, my head's dropping to the keyboard!

Thank you for those who answered my query about THE INFAMOUS HOT WATER BOTTLE! I think it's a great invention and that we should give it what it's worth (hehe). So, if u haven't come out yet, yalla, now's the time.

I'm glad you all think I am feeling better cuz I am writing more cheerfully, well, ya, a little better. The pains are still there and we are still very early in the treatment, but I guess I got used to it and refuse to let it pull me down again, inshallah.

Yalla, go post a comment to this entry. I'll read them at breakfast tomoro, my morning treat!
mwah
Hala

Ok, I'm ok, but speaking Gibberish!!!

2007-12-01T00:14:00.000+02:00

Really, I keep dozing off and waking up to ask a non-relevant question or utter an out-of-context answer!!! Silly me! Silly morphine! I'm better today, hamdillah, but exhausted, so won't keep u too long.
BTW, where r the rest of u? how came my comments have diminished so much? or r u reading but not commenting? hmmmm?! Not allowed. Just drop a word or 2 for me to know somebody out there still loves me and hasn't forgotten about me in cold, old Sutton!
Ok, enough insecurities.
Oh and one last thing, God's gift on Earth? A HOT WATER BOTTLE!!!! Yeaeaeaeah!! (ya3ni kees mayy sokhneh, dunno what in french). Amazing when u r addicted on it AND on Morphine! How many of u own and actually use one? Mine is plastic red with a pink and fuschia (but, of course) polka dot fleece cover. I bought it from Boots here. How about yours? do u think we can get a picture or a sketch? Mom used to always use one, but i never really appreciated its importance! But now, tks mom 4 ur subconscious advice.

yalla, khalas, dodo,
domani
mwah
H

I am hungry again, yay! (I think?!!)

2007-11-29T22:20:00.000+02:00

Morphine ya morphine. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

Man, they're uncountable! It is absolutely amazing!!! The improvement from last night to tonight was gradual, slowly but surely, but at least now I can swallow a bit and the cramps have diminshed considerably (thank you, God!)

They had come to see me in the morning after a long, rough night and decided to double the morphine and asked if I minded?! Me mind, morphine? yeeha! It's a pity though that I am not experiencing any halucinations or anything. The doc asked if I was having nightmares, but that's a negative too, hamdilla. So, basically, it is reducing pain and making me sleepy! (check out the pic above. I am on morphine and thus sleepy, fhemna, tayyeb, bas Wiss shoo??? u must be asking yrselves! Those who know wisso know that he will take any opportunity to nap no matter how, where, when... Plus don't forget the load he is carrying habibi. he must be exhausted! Ya3teeh alf 3afieh.

Right now I am trying to have a piece of blueberry muffin with a drink of Ribena (typical English), but they r still difficult to swallow with all the ulcers in my mouth, so I guess I will celebrate going back to food tomoro, insghallah (or else they will put a food drip on me, and I, the gourmande, would never accept to be fed via a tube. eeeeeewwwwwwww!!!)

Again, thank you Fadi for taking over last night. I woulda depressed your socks off had I written instead of him!

OK, so day +7 and the counts are still not flat! They're at 200. Yalla they should go down, so their relatives (fadi's cells) can replace them. I am so possessive and clingy. I cannot get my own cells to leave me even if it means a better life for me. what kind of sicko am I?

Maalesh as long as there is no, or at least some bearable pain, I don't care how long the cells will take to engraft. Let's just hope I get to leave the hospital by x-mas eve (again Cyba make a killer turkey dinner!)

Awright kiddos, adios, a domani, a toute, tou re lu....

Keep them prayers coming, I'm sure they had something to do with my feeling better today!

love you all

Fadi for Hala

2007-11-28T21:49:00.000+02:00

For Hala is high on morphine!!! she requested Bigbro to fill in her shoes today. Surely she wouldn't have asked had she been any less high ;-). Day 6 passed Hamdilla relatively well. Changed medication patterns and now uses a 24 hour pump to cut down on surges and side effects. It helped it seems but still cant eat much by mouth, but that is expected. Had platelets again today and got a little fever hike again. A few more rough days, not many Inshalla, and all this will be history. Thank you all for your support, your posts, your prayers and your care. Keep them all coming. Hala says hi and thanks to each one of YOU dear FRIENDS.

...and the plot thickens!!!

2007-11-27T23:02:00.000+02:00

Hey everyone! How u doin'? I'm ok, a bit tired. The counts are dropping which makes me tired, plus all the other extras on the side... ya3ni, hamdilla, but it ain't so easy! I was so tired late last night, that I fainted in the toilet!!! It was only for a couple of seconds, but poor Wiss had the scare of his life. My blood pressure had dropped... mashi el 7al.
Today, I lay low a bit, watched a bit of TV, slept some... but also managed to get a platelet transfusion and a bit of a fever after that, which made the doctors start me on antibiotics! Yalla, a7san, this way I'm well protected.
Today was chicken soup day, and yest was carrot and potato. I also discovered that I could drink milkshake, so I had a choc one yest and a strawberry one today. Not bad!
Tayyeb, yalla, I'm off to bed.
later dudes!
xxx
hala

Speak to me not of food!

2007-11-26T18:01:00.000+02:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nausea, heartburn, diarrhea, cramps... yummy!
Sorry didn't write last night (obviously for the above reasons!) I hope I didn't scare or disappoint some of you regulars. It's gonna be like this for about a couple of weeks now, so don't get impatient on me now. The symptoms will probably get worse this week, so I might not even write at all for a few days. It's all fine as long as there is medication for the pain. I had a rough weekend bec it had taken them some time to regulated the dosage of the meds. Hope it works well from now on.
The white counts are quite low today: 400 but hamdillah I don't feel it. Plus, the fact that there is no isolation or masks or anything required here makes it much easier. We just have to make sure noone with the flu comes over to visit!
Lara came over from Paris, or should I say Mama Noel? She brought tons of stuff from Beirut, including drawings by my daughters, habibati. I decorated the room with them and printed out some pix too and hung them on the walls. I'll take pictures and post them soon.
Right now, amid cramps, I am waiting for Food Poker to come on. At least some routine in my life!
Bye for now, perhaps I'll write again later tonight.
Awaiting your comments,
mwah,
H

Cyba's shorbet 3adas!

2007-11-24T22:53:00.000+02:00

Were it not for Cyba's lentil soup, I would have had nothing to eat all day today. It turns out their food is inedible, esp so if one is feeling nauseated, which was the case all day today! Nausea, diarrhea and a bit of a cold and a slight cough didn't make this a very pleasant day, although Meena came over today. We playes Scrabble and did some crossword puzzles and then watched HAIRSPRAY! Fun movie; John Travolta is hilarious in it.
Ok guys, sorry I g2g. Extremely tired now. a demain inshallah.
mwah
hala

...and it begins!

2007-11-23T22:16:00.000+02:00

The waiting, that is. Oh and the ugly side effects! Not much excitement today. It's a good thing actually, cuz that means things went smoothly, and they did, hamdillah.
Just a lot of hanging around in the room, watching tv, doing crosswords, reading the paper, refusing the incredible food AND going to the toilet!!! My body aches a bit, but they said it was normal. meanwhile, I am taking advantage of that, asking Wisso to massage me every now and then!
So, basically, it's all waiting from now on. Hope I don't get a lot of ugly sides with the waiting! The counts are still high, so I am guessing it may be a long wait. It's like my body refuses to give in. Tough cookie tougher than we thought. Well, no time for abadayat now. I need to be weak to be strong again! Inshallah kheir.

Thank u all for ur lovely comments and ur constant prayers.
love u tons,
a demain, inshallah,
H

D-day!!!

2007-11-22T22:08:00.000+02:00

D-day! Yay! Hurray! It's done. I am officially a new Fadi! Hamdilla, it went very smoothly, just like a blood transfusion, plus all the hype! Everybody (except me) was so nervous and anxious. So, i kept looking at the trio and making sounds as if sth was wrong! haram, they bought it and got so scared for a second, it was hilarious! Then i started behaving and talking like fadi to break more ice. it was fun!

now they say it'll be a few more boring days before the action starts kicking in. hope it comes and goes smoothly. it will be a good 3 weeks till i'm up and running and allowed to go back home, so bear with me and keep me entertained!!!

love u all tons. tks 4 ur thoughts n prayers. i am v sleepy, so g'night 4 now.
catch u tomoro
xxx
hala

Hurrah For Fadi!!!

2007-11-21T21:45:00.000+02:00

Day -1, The harvest went super well, thank God. The cells Fadi gave were more than enough, and a very very good count, so no need for more tomorrow. Hamdillah, yet another piece of super news! And he feels good too! He went to Marks and treated himself to a crispy duck dinner!
As for moi, well, today's been easy too, thank God. I had 2 radiation sessions and started cyclosporin, a medicine i have to take twice daily to protect me from the BMT. The only irritating thing that happened to me today was an inhalation medicine they gave me to protect my lungs from infection, God forbid. It tastes horrible and dries your mouth. Thank God it's only once a month.
We had a little dancing session this afternoon in the room. Yours truly was so bored that I started dancing to Nelly Fortado's 'Give it ti me' as soon as I heard it off Cyba's phone. The trio (Cyba, Fadi and Wiss) took videos of me on their phones! I will try to see if there's a decent one to put here!!!
So, tomoro Day 0, D-Day!!! I am not that worried about it. I dunno why people r giving it so much importance. maybe cuz IT IS???!!! Well, i want to think of it as if it's any other procedure, and then live it one day at a time... let's just hope my body accepts the cells. it'll be a while b4 we know so hold ur horses, it's a long ride.
i am still waiting 4 you to add my new yahoo messenger name: halabeydoun@yahoo.com
i cannot add u. i've lost all the addresses with the stupid msn that is blocked here.

ok, i'm gonna head to bed. long day today and longer tomorrow.
pls people, this is it, this is the time for ur love, support and prayers.
think of me tomorrow, and i will right and tell u how it went.

'night
mwah
hala

Careful! I am radioactive!!!

2007-11-20T23:52:00.000+02:00

Honest, Cyba told me that whenever I come close to a TV, static comes on! hehe! Good thing the girls aren't near.
Well, day -2, surprisingly better than day -3, thank God! I guess He's answered all those prayers (thanks to u all and esp to Him!). So, 2 radiation sessions, and a potassium injection in the middle. not too bad for a day. The thirst is much better, tks for all ur tips. I had to stick to water and sucking lemon candy, though, cuz I was too cold to even think of coming near ice lollies or cubes! I am not in Hawaii, guys! remember this is freezing Sutton. Oh and Fawzan and Rima, not to worry, I don't like Gatorade and don't think they'll get me any here anyway, so u 2 can stop fighting over it online!!! (love u guys!)
An old high school friend came to visit me this evening. Wissam Yafi. It was so sweet of him to come. We had a good time catching up. quite a few people said they would be visiting. I hope they make it before I am absolutely knackered! or after that. i have to be here for a long time after i leave hospital, and i will have nothing much to do except come to the hospital once a week or so, so we would be more than happy to accomodate friends! yalla get ur visas going.

oh, btw, the frickin msn in this hospital doesn't seem to be working, so pls add my new yahoo messenger address:halabeydoun@yahoo.com U don't need to have a yahoo account, u can do it from msn messenger.

yalla a demain,
need to go sleep,
big day for fadi tomoro, he starts his harvesting. he has to stay on the machine for four hours. so good luck fadi. love u tons. mwah.
H

Heyyy, I'm still here, hehe!!!

2007-11-20T00:42:00.000+02:00

Ok, first day of treatment. I won't call it day one cuz they consider the day they give me the stem cells day zero which is on Thursday 22nd. So today is day -3?!

Well, whatever day it is, it was rougher than expected but still bearable, hamdilla. After having had a disrupted sleep because of the bloods coming and going, I finally woke up, full of energy of course, and started getting ready to go down to my first TBI scheduled at 9:00. btw, i need to do 8 of those in 4 days, (ya3ni twice daily for those mathematically impaired!) They took me down in a wheelchair around 9:20 and had yet another gyt explain the procedure for me and make me sign yet another consent... Anyway, after finally taking me in, they spent a good hour just positioning me and sticking on stuff... the actual radiation took 20 min and didn't hurt at all!

when i went back up to my room, i was greeted by the nurse and 4 bottles of high dose chemotherapy! yippe kay-aye! that went rather smoothly too and lasted till my 2nd radiation session.

well, to cut a long story short, i can tell u that radiation turned out to be no piece of cake. and this is just from the first 2 sessions. i have constant, unquenchable thirst. i can't drink any more water lest i will drown! and my eyes are red and blurry. i have soft 'bowels' (sorry bout that!), my jaw is swollen and hurts to the touch and i feel sleepy most of the time. but we have to admit these symptoms are far better than the other ones like vomitting and diarrhea... so, I guess once again, thank God for being easy on me! hope He keeps it up the next few days (or months!) (or years!!!) (Is it too much? do u think I'm asking a lot of Him??) nahhhhhhh. God is great! He'll understand and cooperate.

tomoro ma fi chemo, yay. just the two sessions of TBI. Hope that goes well and not worse than today. And if you know of a better thirst quencher than water, drop me a line.

tks

mwah

p.s. (Cristina tks for the puzzle!!! You didn't have to, really. You're so sweeeet! My God, how am I ever going to finish it?)

Ok, I'm in!

2007-11-18T23:18:00.000+02:00

I was supposed to just come in for a check in, see the doc and then go sleep @ home and come back ealrly morning, BUT, it turns out my hemoglobin is low (or not high enough for tomoro's radiation) so they had to keep me here to give me blood. So, here I am waiting for my two units. It's a good thing I'd brought my suitcase with me. Now I'm in my jammies, comfy in a room much bigger and better than I expected (thank God), but hungry!!! They said they would get me an off-hours snack, I'm still waiting.
Fadi went home to sleep and Wiss stayimg with me here tonight (first nights always a must) (and seconds and thirds and ...) No, honest, I am expecting to start panicking about tomorrow any minute now. It hasn't started yet, despite all the phonecalls and emails asking me how I 'really' am and how I'm 'really' feeling... I am surprisingly calm, hamdillah. Let's hope I stay like that tomorrow when I'm all alone with the TBI (Total Body Irradiation) machine in a cold, heartless room.
This room, par contre, is actually nice. Not luxurious or anything, but spacious and clean and has a big window overlooking the garden. The bathroom is huge and there's a seat in the bath that Wiss found very comfortable! There's also a huge cupboard with more hangers than I have at home! oh, btw, over here they prefer it if u wore ur clothes during the day and ur pajamas at night. no hospital gowns. yay! That means I need to send Cyba or Wisso to buy me some jogging suits or 'lounge' wear! (that's what they call 'em, right?)
Ok, I'm starting to get restless and really really hungry. I'm gonna go shout at them, show them whom they are messing with. (hope they don't take it out on me with more pricks or something!).

Good night and please please please your prayers tomoro, most important!
tks
mwah
Hala

2007-11-16T12:47:00.000+02:00

We @ The Park!

2007-11-16T12:21:00.000+02:00

Hi-ya! This is how they say hi or hello here. You hear everyone saying hi-ya! In Beirut, it would be an unfinished sentence: "hi ya albi, hi ya 7ilou, hi ya hayawan, hi ya... Anyways...

Wiss and I finally got to the park (it's right opposite our house, but it's been sooo cold, that we hadn't dared go for a stroll there!). Yesterday, there was some sun (there was frost too, but there was sun) so we ventured into the park. It's beautiful and I can see it from the house. I can even see the children's playground and often visualize Zee playing there and me shouting to her from the 15th floor!!!

So, two more days to go before I am admitted. I've been trying to make the best of it, trying not to think too hard or worry too much. I went to London a couple of days. Wiss wanted to see an exhibition at Tate Modern so we went there, it was really nice. then he dragged me to a couple of art shops and i had to wait for about an hour for him to finish, but i was happy cuz he was ecstatic! Like a kid in a toyshop! habibi.

Today, the weather is lovely, sunny but 'nippy'!!! Ya3ni around 7 degrees!!! Ya3ni, I have to wear thge closet again! I don't have much to do today, so I'm taking it easy, preparing the stuff I have to take with me, shopping for things for the house...

I'm so grateful for those who wrote back with suggestions and recipes for dinner, tks guys! I found that M&S even have half-made meals that u can just finish off quickly and claim as your own doing, so that has made life a bit easier.

Fadi's coming tomorrow. My stem cells are coming tomorrow! yayyy!!! Allah yi7miyon! And Cyba is coming on Monday. Habibti, I miss her. She makes a killer cuppa tea!

Yalla later dudes, must go help clean the house! :(

mwah

H

Keep 'em coming, plzzzzzzzzz!

2007-11-12T22:06:00.000+02:00

Well, people, today I went to see the doctor in preparation for my admission to hospital next Sunday. He had a look at the results of all the tests I had done and he examined me and asked a million questions and finally said: "You are a very healthy lady! This BMT should be straightforward." Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy! Inshallah ya rabb!!! I kept knocking on wood and saying 'inshallah' and 'hamdillah' and kept my fingers crossed. So, you see people, your prayers have been heard, so pls keep them coming. Somehow after that I feel a bit relieved. I am still anxious, of course, but, thank God, every piece of news is more positive than the previous one. Let's hope my streak of good luck doesn't run out.

Today it was freezing in Sutton. Wiss and I strolled down the High Street, bought some groceries, and headed back to the warmth of our house. A cuppa tea, a fleece blanket and a hot water bottle later I was finally warm and could enjoy my daily game shows on BBC2. Starting from a lovely new food show called "Food Poker", then "Are u smarter than a 10-year old", then "Eggheads" then "Who wants to be a millionaire" the programs never end. There's a whole channel called Challenge that just puts game shows, so I'm good! Or you can opt for endless episodes of Friends and Frasier and Becker and all those sitcoms. The movies on Sky aren't that great, though, but who cares?! Hardly have time after all the above shows!

Well, now it's almost 8:00 p.m. In a minute Wiss will start asking what I want for dinner, then he (we) will prepare something and after eating, I start drifting off infront of the tv. Poor Wiss, he has to wake me up to go to bed every night. Well, what can I do, I think it's all the medication I'm taking that's making me so sleepy.

Anyway, let's see what we have in the fridge. Any suggestions for something easy to make at the last minute?

ta ta
H

You Think?

2007-11-10T14:56:00.000+02:00

You think if I'm getting his stem cells, I'll be as technologically smart as Fadi??? I sure hope so. I had succumbed to my 'internet connection' fate and was going to wait till end of next week to get connected at home, but Fadi wouldn't have it. He kept looking for ways to provide me with some sort of immediate connection, at least until Broadband came through. So, here we are, some dial-up freebie that's a bit slow but will do the job. All together now: THANKS FADI!!!!!

It's my last week of 'freedom'! I go in next Sunday, ya mama! I should be in for a good 4 to 6 weeks! I hope all goes well. I am a bit anxious and as the date approaches, I feel more and more apprehensive. I'm mostly worried about the radiation part, which is the first part, basically because I'm new to it, although I've been told I won't feel a thing. It's just huge to have your whole body wizzed!

Meena, my niece is coming over for the weekend. So is Lara, my friend. So it's gonna be a busy weekend! Must go clean the house and get some groceries.

See you later,
mwah,

H

Quickly Quickly!

2007-11-04T17:23:00.000+02:00

Quickly before they shut me off. I'm at the library again and I only have a few minutes to write (I got stuck on facebook and other mail checking and stuff, Surrey!)

All here is fine. It's Sunday today, so quiet day. We bought the Sunday newspaper so that's gonna take a couple of hours to read! Yesterday Wiss, Meena (my niece) and I went to London and visited some art galleries. It was fun and a nice change form good ol' Sutton.

yalla, i g2g.
catch u tomoro maybe

mwah
H

HAPPY HALAWEEEEEEN!!!

2007-10-31T12:51:00.000+02:00

Hey guys, it's me again. I have made it to the library! Imagine, moi, at the library! I must be sick! Anyway, it's the only place with free (or not free) internet around here. Considering the size of Sutton, the library is HUGE!!!! and the floor I'm on has like some 100 computers for people to use for 45 mins (u can add another 45 "if there's no cue!".

So, it's Halloween tonight, or Halaween?! Normally I'd have been baking cookies in the form of skeletons and pumpkins and vats, rats, and bats. However, since I find myself Suttonly in Sutton, I will have to settle for a machine-made cookie from M&S, or maybe a little pumpkin pie! (Tammy, I will have the scones too, not to worry!)
Christina, tks for the pub list. I know some of them, and we've already tried The Cock and Bull with Fadi and Cyba. Interesting concept, the English pub, soooo, English!!!

As for the rest of u lovely people who have not stopped reading my blog, thank u, love u, keep reading and commenting. pretty soon i will be 'under the knife' so let's make the best of this now!

I had a few tests done yesterday at the hospital and tomoro I am having a 3 in 1 combo!!! A bone marrow aspirate, an LP, and insertion of a Hickman (central) line. Yippee! They want to sedate me for that, double yippee!!! I tried to tell them that never b4 was i sedated for these procedures, but they prefer it that way, so gr8, bring on the drugs!!!

Oh, and I finally have a land line and SKY TV! They connected them yesterday. Now I can watch as many channels as I want and not just BBC 1 ,2, 3, 4... (However, I found myself turning back to 'Eggheads'!!!) You do get addicted to them.

Tayyeb guys, I shall leave you now and go check my mail, if u don't mind.

from freezing Sutton, I give you my best,

mwah
Hala

I am sooooooo Surrey!!!!

2007-10-29T13:35:00.000+02:00

Hey guys, it's me. I'm back. Well, not yet, really, I've popped into the hotel to use their connection. noone but them and the library give u that, and the latter is closed today!
Sutton is lovely, and the apartment we found as Fadi said (tks fadi) is just wonderful. thank God everything is falling into place.

I don't start my treatment before the 15th of November, but I have a few tests to take starting tomoro so I'll start to get the feeling of how it will be. All in all it seems very cool. It's a relaxed system, a bit too much if u ask me, but I guess they know what they're doing!

Otherwise, I am spending my days with Wisso, buying some stuff for the house, playing 'beit byout'! washing dishes, doing laundry... thank God for Marks & Spencer's, or else I would have had to cook too!!!

Fadi and Cyba were here but left already. We had a great time together. They will be back in a couple of weeks for the treatment (at least Fadi better be or there will be no treatment!).

Yalla gotta go now. I will get my internet connection at home end of next week hopefully (everything takes time here) so I will be updating u more often inshallah.

meanwhile, keep thinking of me and praying for me.
love u all
hala

Greetings from Sutton!

2007-10-24T00:11:00.000+03:00

Hello form Surrey, ah Sorry, Sutton, Surrey, yes, Sorry, Sutton! We are finally in Sutton, Surrey. We arrived here Sunday and have been running around from hotel to hospital to high street ever since. The town is actually very nice and cosy, with all shops u might think of (even TopShop!) and a whole lot of cute restaurants and greenery and a park and and and...
We are looking for an apartment to rent (can't tell u what a 'kartheh' the hotel is!) since we will be staying for quite a while.

We met the doc on Monday and again today, and he explained the whole procedure to us. He seems very nice and efficient, so I'm kinda relieved. We started undergoing tests, Fadi and I. they must have taken about 20 blood tubes from each of us! We have a few days off from hospital before I go in for some outpatient procedures next week, so perhaps we will be going in to London for some 'fun'!

It turns out there is internet connection at the hospital, so, yay, i will hopefully keep u updated.

I'm off to bed now, loooooong day. Will catch u soon for more details.

mwah,
H

Here it goes!

2007-10-20T08:44:00.000+03:00

Well, guys, sorry haven't written in a while, but I have been finalising my trip to England. I leave Sunday, have an appointment with the doc on Monday and then we'll see what happens from there. He might keep me there for a few days, weeks or months! So, as u can probably feel with me, these few past days haven't been a piece of cake at all!

I'm scared, apprehensive, angry, sad, shivering,... everything! I am trying to take it step by step, but it's tough. Yesterday mom introduced me to Mr. Lexotanil !!! It kinda calmed my shaking body, but I don't know how far I can take it. I'm not one to pop pills right, left and centre, but yesterday, I needed it!

Cyba is coming to Beirut tonight so we can all go together tomoro (with wiss), and fadi is meeting us at Heathrow, then we all drive down together to Surrey. I wish I could at least look forward to seeing London. Maybe when i get there and talk to the doc and he tells us what exactly will be done, perhaps then I can relax and enjoy a little UK.

Ok, people, wish me luck. Hope all goes well and start praying.

love,

Hala

The making of Mish Maamoul in pix!

2007-10-15T20:06:00.000+03:00

Sorry guys, that's the only picture I could upload tonight. Connection too slow! So, we made the Mish Maamoul in full family tradition. Even Wiss chipped in! They turned out yummy. It was fun seeing Zee stick the pistachios on the cookies (many fell off, hehe!!!) Yalla, a demain. mwah, Hala.

Mish Maamouououououl!!!

2007-10-14T10:58:00.000+03:00

HAPPY EID, YAY YAY YAY. MAAMOUL B JOZ, MAAMOUL B FISTO2, MAAMOUL B TAMER, CHOCOLAT, KNAFEH, 7ILOU MSHAKKAL, KOL W SHKOR...etc.
It's the Eid, and unfortunately, I got to spend it at home (or my parents'), behind a mask, eating none of these yummies and coming close to no fresh fruits or veggies! AND napping in afternoons, eeeewwwww!!! I even managed to have an interlude at the hospital yesterday, and for a 10 min procedure, I had to spend 3 1/2 hours there! keef hal nizam?!

But, MAALEESH, I am planning to celebrate it again tomorrow (if the counts shoot up!) I shall make some of my 'mish maamoul', (as in mish maamoul shoo taybeen!!!) and feast on them!!! (This feed yourself strong is really getting interesting! Last night, I asked mom to send me some dessert for after dinner, I got a bowl of mhalabbiyeh, a bowl of mughli, and a bowl of custartd! Midnight Feast!) (The decadron is not making it easy either, u crave sweets on it).

Today, after having not slept most of the night (too many thoughts going around in my head in preparation for my departure end of month), I was in the kitchen at 8:30, decorated a 'football' cake and some 'engagement' cookies and now here I am writing to you, waiting for mom to call to see what the plan is today. We might venture an open-air restaurant since it's Sunday and it's practically still Eid and I am feeling better.

Keep you posted,
have a nice day everyone,
mwah,
Hala

Oh, Where Have You Been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

2007-10-10T23:01:00.000+03:00

Oh, where have you been, charming Billy? (he answers): I have been to seek a wife, she's the joy of my life, she's a young thing who sth sth sth... (Does anyone know the end of the sentence? something like,) she's a young thing who cannot leave her mother?!

Mother, habibti! Just having her next to my bedside makes me feel everything's gonna be ok. Although she hasn't been able to be around much this time (back problems!) I know she is with me and praying for me and that she won't let anything hurt me!

Where have I been since Sunday? Getting accustomed to being at home! Monday was tough. Tuesday better. Visited my 'friends' at Faire Face: A lovely group of ladies in support of people with cancer. They were nice and 'supportive'. We chatted for a while then I went down to the ahweh for some fresh air, however too hot and humid, but ok.

Today, an LP was scheduled for 10:00 a.m. (LP= the prick in the back). However, upon arrival at hospital, we found out that I needed 2 units of blood for my RBCs were loooow. I hadn't felt any weakness, that's why I felt extra pissed off when I learned that they had to admit me, and that I couldn't take it in the outpatient ward! So, there I was, room 920, for ten frickin' hours! Baseeta, I'm home now, hamdillah. And I can truly say: HOME SWEET HOME!

Home Sweet Home? Ya3ni!

2007-10-07T21:12:00.000+03:00

Hey guys. I'm back home, yay! yay? tayyeb yay. I left AUH around 11:00 this morning with the usual anxiety of leaving hospital, plus the fear of knowing that I might be back sooner than I thought cuz my RBCs aren't that high, for u lay men out there, it means I might need to go back for blood pretty soon. I wish he'd given me some today. At least I'd be more alive!

Anyways, off to mom's I went to see the kids and have lunch. Then after a quiet nap there, I came back home AND helped decorate some cookies! Then some tv and some more cookies and internet action! Then Neuppo shots, dinner, more tv and here I am.

Thank you all for ur jokes. hehe. Tammy dahling, got nada from u! Rima, Frances, Reem keep them coming. Mo, I was at AUH, but I guess u got that from hello! Lyn babes, those blue chairs are for the BMT unit only. Not at all comfy. Ask Wiss, he'd rather sleep on 5 pillows on the floor than risk a backache from that chair! Fawzan, Maya can type?! Wow, Zee is lagging behind! Ayb! Shoo, waynak? Hallmark must be running out of e-cards!

So, what to do tomoro provided the counts are still fine and I don't need a visit to the Count? If there's energy, perhaps I'll work a bit. I need to figure out how the business is gonna keep going when I'm gone. I mean it is now, but must be more organized. we'll see.

Ramadan is coming to an end. I was never a "faster" but I love the 'jaww'. I wish I could go for a drive and watch people in cafes having fun and eating and smoking their hubbly-bubblies. I wish i could eat a man2ousheh at zaatar and zeit after midnight if I'm not already exhausted. I wish I could go have some 'sahlab' at that '3antabli' in Mar Elias. You think I could do that tomoro if all's well? Maybe not. Perhaps I'd opt for the homemade stuff and just go for a 'voyeurisme' drive!

Yalla, let's hope for a better day tomoro.
mwah,

H

Yeuh!

2007-10-06T11:10:00.000+03:00

Shoo hayda, can't a gal miss one day of post? Imagine I had no time to write last night, except for the inside comment in the last entry! I was bombarded with visitors, which was actually nice for a change. The day, unlike the previous one passed really quickly, so I didn't feel that bored. I still had some time in the pm to research more hospitals for the BMT. We are still stuck between France and England, with a small possibility of the US still looming in the background (don't tell Cyba and Fadi, they'll kill me for even thinking it!).

Today is a quiet day so far. Almost failed TM session, breakfast, shower, computer, tv, chemo (today I get the orange Mirinda chemo, yummy! the one that lets the rest of my hair fall, so say goodbye to my lashes and brows and and and...,) yalla, inshallah, 24 more hours of this and I'll be going home inshallah. I will be back a couple of times next week for tests and stuff, but maalesh, it'll be good to be home. Hope the Eid is on Saturday so I spend less time here.

Thanks for all who've been praying for me (Mo's wife, esp!).

Lyn, kiss the boys, I am sure they are adorable with their curly hair now!

Tammy, sorry babes, u cannot put Utube here. you'll have to send them to my halabeydoun360@hotmail.com email (also msn address for those who haven't added me there yet) and I'll see them there.

As for the rest of you people, where are you? show me some love!

mwah,

Hala

The Loooooooooooooooongest day ever!

2007-10-04T22:08:00.000+03:00

Ok, remember all these pieces of advice you gave me to use while in isolation to spend the time, well, I tried "most" of them today, and guess what, I still had time! So I guess I'll need a lot more things to keep me busy! (note that timings aren't precise since I am forgetful these days!)

Let's try and recap together what I did today.
- woke up at 7:00, had breakfast at 8:00 and tried my luck at meditation (10 min worked).
- Did LP at 9:00, Laid on my back till 10:00. Listened to my i-pod and read my magazine till 11:00.
- Laptop time, blog, mails, website surfing... till around 12. Arrowwords puzzle till around 12:30.
- Some TV and lunch till around 1:30 then bath (finally) and clean room till 2:00.
- Another failed trial at meditation (too many interruptions) till 2:30, I think.
- Did something, Lord Knows what, till 3:00 when mom came, yay!!!!
- Chatted with mom and video conferenced with Cyba, my sis in Dubai, till around 6:15!!!
- Wiss came at 6:00. We discussed more hospital options till 7:00. Then I had dinner till 7:30.
- Then Lara and Nayla came and we discussed the kitchen plan and hospitals again.
- Checked mails and blog and stuff again.
- Lara and Nay left at 10:30 and here I am writing this entry at 10:32!!! and the day ain't over yet!!!!!!!
- So, I guess now I'll watch some tv and drift off, hoping tomoro will pass a bit faster than today.

Now imagine 45 days of this. AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

"Good night princes and princesses of Maine" (The Cider House Rules)
mwah,

hala

Transcendental Medication!!!

2007-10-03T19:01:00.000+03:00

I've been told by many that I should seek different means of relaxation and getting my mind off the illness. A close friend of mine, bless her (!), took me to to Transcendental Meditation. Although it worked there and was quite relaxing, I'm still findind difficulty succeeding on my own. I was trying hard to concentrate on my 'mantra' this morning when Wiss took a photo and turned it into this! (of course waking me from my attempt and ruining it for good!)

I am at AUH now. Did the aspirate. It hurt, yay! It is supposed to hurt, otherwise it's no good. How ironic is that? Started chemo 3 just now. So far so good, hamdillah.

There is something definitely wrong in the hospital's kitchen today. They have been messing up the trays. Some are missing stuff, others have extra stuff... Not that the food here is anything to write home about, but at least when you're hungry and read "sambousik" on the paper and can't find it on the tray, u want ur 'sambousik'!!! They just brought in dinner. Roast beef. Allah yistor!

I would really like to thank all of those who sent me jokes. I laughed hard at most of them. Mohammed, yes I rememeber you. And i admire you. Hope to hear from u soon.

Gotta go try and eat this plasticky, brownish thing they brought me. Yalla baseeta, there's always custard!

mwah,

History repeating itself :(

2007-10-02T12:54:00.000+03:00

Here's a painting Wiss did of me about 4 and a half years ago. Back then, it was a novelty that I had shaved and he'd found it inspiring to paint this and a few other works. Even I was "happy" with the "new look" and was experimenting with different bandanas and head scarves. However, today, I don't feel like wearing anything on my solar panel! I miss my hair. I'm in a real bad mood cuz tomoro I have to go back to hospital. These couple of weeks away at home spoiled me rotten. I got to go out, see friends, eat at my favourite restaurants... Going back tomoro, even if for only a few days, will probably be the hardest thing I've done in a while. Then I remind myself of the 'serenity now' effect of a hospital bed and think, yalla maalesh it'll be ok. But then again I remember the 'pricks' that i have to take these coming few days, and it makes my stomach turn.

Take all of that AND the imminenet BMT that's getting closer and closer, plus the fact that we still dunno where we r going to do it for sure, plus the fact that it is a super serious 'procedure' of which i am scared shitless. Take all that pressure and multiply it by ten, you kinda get the mood I'm in today.

Sorry you have to hear this, but this is my blog, my journal, and i can write whatever i feel like to vent off. And u have chosen to read it so bear with me. Better yet, try and make me feel better! How 'bout you tell a joke? let's see whose joke makes me laugh the hardest. (If you r not good at jokes, a few consoling words would also probably do the job!)

Thank you my dear readers,

u keep me going,

love,

hala

HAPPY FEET!

2007-09-29T20:29:00.000+03:00

Serenity of a different kind. That's when you forget everything around you and lose yourself in a song, particularily more gratifying when both of you are "humming to the same tune". I felt so alive that day that i had to record it with my phone for future reference. (Please don't make fun of my toes!)

Talk about pressure!

2007-09-27T18:33:00.000+03:00

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening! Hope you are doing well today. (If you are wondering why I'm being so polite, it's cuz I just found out that EYERYONE is reading this blog! And I thought cancer was stressful, huh! The pressure and responsibility of this blog are mounting. What to write? What to write? tick-tock. tick-tock.....
First of all, welcome all you new readers (or is there another name for people who read blogs? Help me out here, blog pioneers). It's wonderful to hear from you guys, Reem, Zena, Dina, ... my God it's been ages. I even got a couple of emails from people I don't even know. very touching, tks for ur kind words and warm wishes. (Nabiha habibti, u must post ur comments here for all to see, hehe.) So, networking, word of mouth, forwarded emails, I don't know what it is but everbody seems to know about this little journal i started. I don't mind, really. bil 3akess, it's very sweet to know how many people care and ask about me. Thanks!

A couple of slow days, seeing friends, going out for drives, I even went out to lunch today. We went to DT and I had a yummy salad (now that the counts are high, I can finally have salad!) and beef brochettes and fries and a dessert. Well, THEY said I have to eat to be strong, so I'm simply following the doctor's orders, hehe!

We are still deciding which hospital to go to. It's a tough decision, and we have to think of a million things, but Inshallah by the end of the week we'll have decided. But wherever it's gonna be, you have to promise me, my dear readers/friends/audience that you will keep in touch with me there and keep me distracted. There will be around 45 days of isolation! Imagine, me, isolation! Ya sater! I don't know how I'll get thru that. I can't even sleep alone for one night! So here's where u come in. for those of you who wish it, you can add me on your msn list, that way we can also chat from time to time. My msn address is halabeydoun360@hotmail.com

Another assignment for you is to find me ways of keeping busy and entertained during these looooong hours and days. i hope i will be up to doing stuff and not too tired. some suggested book tapes. i will try that. i will also go check out meditation tomoro, see if it can help too.

Awaiting your suggestions,
Hope you are having lovely days,
Enjoy every second,
mwah
H

Peek-a-boo!

2007-09-25T21:58:00.000+03:00

Scared ya? Well, I'm back, three days later. Sorry bout that, but they've been quite tough. As expected, we went to the ER Sunday morning and it turned out I needed blood AND platelets. In fact the platelets were the lowest they'd ever been (scary, since i could bleed internally). Anyway, I was admitted and had to spend the night and half of Monday there. The thing that pissed me off most was that Sunday was my daughter Amar's birthday and I couldn't spend it with her. Luckily we had done a small celebration the day b4 just in case (Cyba's idea, tks ).
Then the rest of Monday, just like every time I come back home, it takes me a while to feel at ease and and and ya3ni tough Monday. As for today, ya sater, decision day! Very stressful, very intense. I had to decide where I will do the BMT! I don't even want to think about it let alone think of its details. But it has to be done sooner or later. Uuuuuf, soooo difficult.
Then my Big Bro, my donor-to-be took me for a drive in the afternoon. We drove all the way down to Saida. The weather was beautiful and the sea absolutely glorious. Makes you wanna live! It was a good ride.
I received new pictures and comments from some of you. Frances, tks for the posters (I prefer the pink one!). Sarah and Sarah welcome to my blog. You promised to write daily, I will be waiting. Carla, tks habibti for your kind words and support. And to everyone who has been following up on me thru this, whether u write sth or not, I'm just glad I have you behind me! It's a hellavaroughride, but with you guys I somehow feel stronger and more determined! (OK, now I sound as if I am giving an Oscar speech! sorry!) Yalla g'night and God bless. mwah. H

Hilarious! hahahaha!

2007-09-22T19:27:00.000+03:00

Look what I just got from yet another stranger/friend. I think it's super funny. What a sense of humour, Sandollar! Tks!

In fact all your comments and artwork (yes, poetry too, Nemr) are just wonderful! I look forward to reading them every morning.

I am finding it difficult to pass the looooong hours of the day, esp now since the counts are low and I can't do much, so if u have any suggestions, something that doesn't require a lot of effort, physical or mental, something fun and light-hearted, pls share. Tammy, tks for the 'series' tip but tried that didn't work. Couldn't concentrate hard enough. Plus, I tried with Gray's Anatomy, not very smart when u r living the situation every day! But what about Brothers and Sisters? what's that? kinda like what? funny, romantic, adventurous??? I am waitibg for the next season of Desperate Housewives to come out. That should keep me lightly entertained!

Yes, the counts are still low, and yes I have survived yet another low day without fever, much to the surprise of my doctor. I hope I prove him wrong again tomoro. I have to go to the ER tomoro for the CBC cuz it's Sunday. Hope all goes well and that they don't leave me there to spend my Sunday away from my family.

How low can you go?

2007-09-21T17:58:00.000+03:00

In blood counts, that is. Reeeeeeeeaaaaalllyyy low. WBCs 200. Normally that is cause for concern with doctors cuz u might catch something and get a fever when ur immunity is so low. Hamdillah so far I have been stable like this for 2 days, knock on wood! But i"ve been so bored. can't do much so as not to tire myself, so i lay on the couch watch tv all day, mask on, hardly able to breathe, feeling of "soup in my brain"! But maalesh, I am consciously trying to pass thry this dip without a breakout of fever or a need for a transfusion (which is highly likely tomoro if i keep dipping). That means break the vacation short and go get some blood or platelets at hospital, ya3ni spend a night there.

OOOOf, inshallah la2. wish me luck.
mwah

Poster Girrrrl

2007-09-19T16:35:00.001+03:00

I've hijacked Hala's wonderful blog to show this:

Here are all the lovely cards that were created for Hala from her blogging friends displayed on one page. To see the full image, you can click on this link:

http://www.marayagalleries.com/forhalapage.htm

Love from your planet of friends, well-wishers and fans of Hala, MWAHHH!

- Auntie Rima (aka Mart Khalo)

Serenity Now!!!!

2007-09-18T20:02:00.000+03:00

There is something ironically serene about a hospital bed. Maybe cuz u feel u r in good hands, maybe it's cuz u know u can nag and get attention immediately, dunno what it is, but I do know that when I was in my hospital bed today, suddenly my anxieties were controlled. Now, why was I at hospital again today (considering I should have been at home for 2 weeks)? LP! Of course, LP, the ugly prick in the back that happens on days 1 and 8 of every cycle. Today's was scheduled beforehand, so Wiss and I headed to AUH at 10:00. The doctor came at 4:00!!! You can imagine my mood, waiting for the pain to arrive. Yet, it was ok. I was relatively calm in "the bed". Hamdilla, it went well and with no pain.

The other doc had also passed by us and delivered more good news on test results, hamdilla again and always. Now that doesn't mean anything is cancelled or changed, just that we have a better chance inshalla. I am not yet ready to talk about the next steps, so let's just leave it at that and go it one step at a time.

The picture I have attached is one of the earlier ones at hospital (no kidding!). I was on morphine then, and still with hair, hehe!

I would really like to thank Everyone who has written and is still writing or contributing to this blog. I would especially like to thank those wild photoshoppers for showing different sides of me. I'm sorry if i couldn't download all the illustrations, i am not that good at this. (Rima said she might help!) I am ecstatic to meet new people here as well as hear from those who have been sharing my life for the past 37 years. Please keep 'em coming. I am counting on all of you.

Absolut Love!

2007-09-16T08:38:00.000+03:00

And Bobbie's!!!

2007-09-15T16:08:00.000+03:00

And Neda's!

2007-09-15T16:03:00.001+03:00

And Rima!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-09-15T10:43:00.001+03:00

And this from Frances, WOW!!!!! Tks!!!!

2007-09-14T21:52:00.000+03:00

Ok guys, your turn!

2007-09-14T18:35:00.000+03:00

Yes, it is your turn to lift me up today. After a super high day yesterday, I find myself mellowing in the blues, not good! So, I have decided that you my friends are going to write a poem or an ode or something about me, or even draw an illustration or sketch, whatever tickles ur fancy (and mine)! If you cannot upload the pictures or videos or illustrations or whatever, send them to me by email and i will do that. Even if you don't know me enough, LIE!!! Make me look GOOD!!! Can't wait! Yay!!! Mwah.

This just came in from Lina g.

2007-09-13T21:13:00.000+03:00

OK hallool. Thanx for answering so promptly!
... hope you are doing fine and enjoying your stay at the 5 star hotel of your choice ... food fed intravernously high on the list of must try plat de jour!...
Enough already ...here is the silly illustration!.
Lina g.

(btw, for those who don't feel this image is familiar, u haven't checked out my website yet, tsk tsk tsk. www.cocoa-and-co.com enjoy, H)

YEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA!!!!

2007-09-13T17:11:00.000+03:00

The bone marrow aspirate results came out today. COMPLETE REMISSION!!! (which is great news, btw, if u didn't get that from hello!). The doc wasn't even expecting it from the first session of a relapse. Thank You God! The prayers have been answered. Ramadan Karim!
And guess what, the LP that they performed on me after that felt like a teeeny weeeny pain! Didn't hurt at all, maybe because of all the euphoria. Hamdilla, it's all good!
Right now, I have been paid a vist by none other than "The Count"!!! He brought me 2 units to quench my thirst! yummmmm!!! By the time I gobble them up, It'll be so late at night and I'd be so hyper to sleep, that I think the BMT Unit on the 8th floor at AUH will have a PAAAAARRRTTTTTYY tonight. Come groove with us!
mwah
H

btw, Neda, speaking of yeeeha, every1 here who found out u r in Texas is now making orders for stetsons and cowboy boots! do u ship to Beirut?

Wisso's Keep Walking!!!

2007-09-12T17:50:00.001+03:00

Habibi Wissam,

His constant words of inspiration to me, "keep Walking", kinda like Johnnie's, no?! This is the latest illustration to the quote. I love it!!! Enjoy!

Pricks!!!

2007-09-11T21:42:00.000+03:00

Needle pricks, of course, what were u thinking??? Let's count them today: blood test prick, IV prick, Central Line prick and bone marrow aspirate prick. Uffffffffffffffffff! Yes, i got a Central Line!!! I feel like the London Underground! What station should I get off at??? A Central line, however, rids me of more pricks, so is on my side! We like the Central Line. The aspirate was a different story. Ouch! But it's good that it hurt, bec it turned out to be wet, which is a very good sign, thank God!
So, chemo starts again tomoro. They couldn't start tonight cuz they need me to pee rivers! so they are hydrating me again and i am visiting the loo every half hour. I guess we're not getting much sleep tonight.

Tomorrow, i go back!

2007-09-10T12:08:00.001+03:00

After the weirdest week of experiences, after lead and wax and sand and water and and and... I go back to the second chemo session. Hope it goes as smoothly as the first one. It was very touching the amount of people who tried to send me stuff to eat or drink to become better. Some even melted lead bullets and splashed them in a water bowl on top of my head, yikes! Others did the same with wax, and yet others wanted me to wear a "hijab" around my neck, a collection of prayers in my name, or taste centuries-old sand from Saint Rita or water from Lourdes. No matter what they wanted me to try, it was very touching. i wish it works, though. They all seem to have seen "An Evil Eye!!!" against me. ya sater! Why evil eye? what have i done? Who would want to purposefully hurt anyone like that??? Superstitions??? Dunno!